I am confused about a Mortal Sin, which isn't good

[ACatholicVirginian]

Hello everyone!

I was just curious if anyone could explain to me what the definite definition of lust is? I have gotten several different answers and I am confused about what it actually entails? Would I be lusting if I looked at my crush from next door and think, “oh she’s really pretty” and dream about her (nothing raunchy or anything, just taking walks together and a kiss here or there)? What is the fine line between lusting or admiration?

Thank y’all!
Please keep me in your prayers.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Are you thinking about doing more with her than just kissing?
Do you dwell on thoughts of doing more with her?
Do you think about doing sexual things with other people, such as random women you see on the street?

The above things would probably be lust, especially if you dwell on the thoughts. If you put the thoughts right out of your head then you have avoided lustful temptation.

 

[Vico]

… I was just curious if anyone could explain to me what the definite definition of lust is?..

Catechism

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

Sin is in the consent to the pleasure in act or delectation of fornication, adultery, incest, seduction, rape, or unnatural vice, and it is also necessary to avoid the near and voluntary occassion of sin.

Saint Thomas Aquinas > Summa Theologiae > Second Part of the Second Part > Question 154 >Article 4. Whether there can be mortal sin in touches and kisses?

I answer that, A thing is said to be a mortal works. sin in two ways.

• First, by reason of its species, and in this way a kiss, caress, or touch does not, of its very nature, imply a mortal sin, for it is possible to do such things without lustful pleasure, either as being the custom of one’s country, or on account of some obligation or reasonable cause.
• Secondly, a thing is said to be a mortal sin by reason of its cause: thus he who gives an alms, in order to lead someone into heresy, sins mortally on account of his corrupt intention.

Now it has been stated above (I-II:74:8), that it is a mortal sin not only to consent to the act, but also to the delectation of a mortal sin. Wherefore since fornication is a mortal sin, and much more so the other kinds of lust, it follows that in such like sins not only consent to the act but also consent to the pleasure is a mortal sin. Consequently, when these kisses and caresses are done for this delectation, it follows that they are mortal sins, and only in this way are they said to be lustful. Therefore in so far as they are lustful, they are mortal sins.

SUMMA THEOLOGIAE: The parts of Lust (Secunda Secundae Partis, Q. 154)

 

[Inquiry]

None of what you are describing is inherently lust. The acknowledgement of beauty and the thought of chaste things can be very appropriate. What matters is what you do with them.

If you use these things as a springboard to talk with her and learn about who she is as a person, they are very appropriate. If you acknowledge her beauty (or the chaste thoughts) and then put them aside and go about your day, that is also appropriate.

If you continue to encourage the fantasies while never getting to know her, though, that is a problem. Even if the fantasies never progress to anything more intimate (and they likely will), you are still objectifying her by dwelling on the unreal dream of her rather than the person she really is.

The fine line between lust and admiration isn’t a fine line at all. Are you valuing her as a person or as an object? The former is good, the latter is not.

 

[stoplooklisten]

I was just curious if anyone could explain to me what the definite definition of lust is? I have gotten several different answers and I am confused about what it actually entails?

There’s a sacrament where you have the opportunity to speak with a priest (or rarely, a bishop) about such things. It has been called the Sacrament of Penance and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I recommend it. It is considered by the Church to be a sacrament of healing.

 

[ACatholicVirginian]

Thanks! I do appreciate your response, and I am a Catholic and I do go to confession. I have asked this question before in the confessional and I have asked my parents as well, and I’ve also looked through my Baltimore catechism. I always get answers that are somewhat vague, or don’t even really answer my question. My big concern is: am I lusting by admiring the beauty of the girl I have the crush on and is it sinful to dream of her being my girlfriend, with us going on walks and kissing each other and nothing more.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

If you have asked the question of your confessor, and he has answered it, then that should be the end of the matter and you can rely on what he said and don’t need to keep looking through books or asking others.

 

[ACatholicVirginian]

You’re right… In all honesty, and I’m not trying to be a smarty pants here, but you are right.

 

[kapp19]

A lot of distinctions have to be made… Desiring mutual affirmation is not lust. Nor is sinful curiosity lust, though it can be connected to it. Lust is chiefly the inclination to misuse the reproductive organs for the sake of venereal pleasure. In general, it is a good rule to not imagine starting something which you can’t finish (also the same rule would apply in real life!)…

Would recommend calming down a bit - and then maybe manning up and asking this girl out on a date.

 

[Annie]

dwelling on the unreal dream of her rather than the person she really is.

This is a point people rarely make, but it is very important. It is better to avoid fantasy relationships because they generally involve unrealistically ideal girlfriends which sets expectations too high.

Make a plan to be able to meet with her (altho the virus may make this difficult!) and do not indulge yourself in fantasizing about her in the meantime.

The above is more common-sense advice since you do not seem to have sinned. Some things are imprudent without being sinful.