J
justinthemartyr
Guest
I was an agnostic child, not raised with any faith.
I once found a Bible buried in a desk drawer and looked at the pictures when I was 5. There was a drawing of the crucifixion in it that was abstract and used minimal lines. I was very drawn to this. I drew a picture of it.
After a young adult life of cable tv, porn shown to me by a neighbor and molestation by that neighbor boy, i started drinking and drugging and stealing at an early age. I ended up in jail and then Boys Town for some time. I came out and started the whole process again. I would always tell this god if he/it was out there that if he got me out of this one, I would never to it again, but then did do it again.
After much self inflicted pain, i had no where else to turn, being homeless and fully self sufficient, which got me in jail and trouble again and again. I was at the jumping off place, not wanting to live and not wanting to die.
My self sufficiency had failed. I was asked by a pastor in jail if I were to die that day where would I go? I started crying and said “straight to hell”, and then he led me in a prayer after telling me about Jesus dying for the sins I committed.
I prayed with Him, inviting Jesus Christ into my heart and life that day, and in the blink of an eye, the desire to drink and drug and steal left me, in fact everything that drove me from deep within was reversed at that moment. i could have cared less about heaven, because the pastor never said anything about all of this other stuff being removed from me, he only stated I would know that I am going to heaven.
An actual physical relief was given to my body, when I gave up the control and gave God freedom to live in me and through me at that moment. The spiritual weight that came off of my mind and back and soul was an amazing relief, and I am eternally grateful for the Love and grace of God. I posted my reason for converting to the Catholic faith in the thread “my #1 reason for converting” if you want to read more, look it up on the second or third page of this section of the forum. The evidence is evident. before knowing God i was selfish, self centered and not much good to anyone, and my life was consumed with bad things which got me in jail. After coming to Know this God my sisiters tried to force on me at a young age, my life has been the opposite fo that old life. It is enduring, fully sufficient strength. Life is easy to live with God as my Power and Strength. belief makes me stronger, not weaker or less than. it makes me more than anything ever did on my own, and gives me courage and strength to do what was once impossible.
I know now why I was drawn to the crucifixion, and that sacrifice that Christ made for me, because in John 12:32-33 He told us that “He would draw all men unto Himself, through His being lifted up from this earth, the way in which he would die”
He sure drew me when i needed Him the most, at the depths of my self and my lack of sufficiency to fully fulfil my life and the void that was in my soul.
I once found a Bible buried in a desk drawer and looked at the pictures when I was 5. There was a drawing of the crucifixion in it that was abstract and used minimal lines. I was very drawn to this. I drew a picture of it.
After a young adult life of cable tv, porn shown to me by a neighbor and molestation by that neighbor boy, i started drinking and drugging and stealing at an early age. I ended up in jail and then Boys Town for some time. I came out and started the whole process again. I would always tell this god if he/it was out there that if he got me out of this one, I would never to it again, but then did do it again.
After much self inflicted pain, i had no where else to turn, being homeless and fully self sufficient, which got me in jail and trouble again and again. I was at the jumping off place, not wanting to live and not wanting to die.
My self sufficiency had failed. I was asked by a pastor in jail if I were to die that day where would I go? I started crying and said “straight to hell”, and then he led me in a prayer after telling me about Jesus dying for the sins I committed.
I prayed with Him, inviting Jesus Christ into my heart and life that day, and in the blink of an eye, the desire to drink and drug and steal left me, in fact everything that drove me from deep within was reversed at that moment. i could have cared less about heaven, because the pastor never said anything about all of this other stuff being removed from me, he only stated I would know that I am going to heaven.
An actual physical relief was given to my body, when I gave up the control and gave God freedom to live in me and through me at that moment. The spiritual weight that came off of my mind and back and soul was an amazing relief, and I am eternally grateful for the Love and grace of God. I posted my reason for converting to the Catholic faith in the thread “my #1 reason for converting” if you want to read more, look it up on the second or third page of this section of the forum. The evidence is evident. before knowing God i was selfish, self centered and not much good to anyone, and my life was consumed with bad things which got me in jail. After coming to Know this God my sisiters tried to force on me at a young age, my life has been the opposite fo that old life. It is enduring, fully sufficient strength. Life is easy to live with God as my Power and Strength. belief makes me stronger, not weaker or less than. it makes me more than anything ever did on my own, and gives me courage and strength to do what was once impossible.
I know now why I was drawn to the crucifixion, and that sacrifice that Christ made for me, because in John 12:32-33 He told us that “He would draw all men unto Himself, through His being lifted up from this earth, the way in which he would die”
He sure drew me when i needed Him the most, at the depths of my self and my lack of sufficiency to fully fulfil my life and the void that was in my soul.