I am so confused! Marriage convalidation?

[MJJean]

I am going to try to wrap up over 20 years in a nutshell, so please bear with me,

I was raised Lutheran…sort of. I was baptized Lutheran, but we rarely attended church. Marriages and divorces and remarriages were common among friends and family. I stopped believing in God in my teens and identified as Pagan or Atheist.

My husband was raised Catholic. He was baptized and went to Mass weekly into his early teens. He then fell away from the Church and primarily identified as Pagan or Atheist.

I made a huge mistake and married when I was 19. I had given birth to my daughter a year before and believed that marrying her father was the right thing to do for her. Also, my mother was dying and I thought marrying my child’s father would give her a sense of peace. She would think we were safely settled and not worry for us in her last year of life. I actually used marijuana on the way to the ceremony (performed in a courthouse by a Reverend) because I was very anxious and wanted to bolt. I used the drug to calm myself so that I could go through with it. Again, I thought I owed this to my child and my mother. I knew I would likely end up divorced, but I thought I owed it to my child to at least try.

There was birth control use (it failed and I had a 2nd daughter), infidelity (both sides before and after the ceremony), physical and emotional abuse, a whole host of other problems. We separated in 1999. The divorce became final in 2002.

During the time we were not longer a couple, but not divorced (financial reasons), I met my current husband. We met in 1999 and have been together ever since. We married in a civil ceremony December 2002.

Here’s the nuts and bolts.

I have begun the annulment process. I met with my priest and turned in the required papers with the exception of my original marriage certificate. That is on order and should be here this week. At that time I will set up another appointment with my priest.

My former spouse was not baptized and has no intention of being baptized because he is not Christian. I, of course, was baptized Lutheran as an infant. My current husband was baptized Catholic as an infant, but not Confirmed.

There is no doubt in my heart or my mind that my first marriage was nothing more than a temporary legal and social contract at the time of the marriage. There is also no doubt that my current marriage is a true marriage and that the vows were meant to last a lifetime.

My husband decided to attend Mass again after more than 20 years away from the Church and I am doing the RCIA classes so that I can convert.I have been researching and reading and I am so confused! Since my husband was a baptized Catholic at the time of the marriage and I was a baptized Lutheran, once the annulment is granted are we validly married according to the Church?

Do we need to have our marriage convalidated?

What is the difference between a convalidation and a traditional marriage ceremony in the Church?

What makes a marriage a valid sacramental marriage?

I know I should probably ask Father S at our next meeting, but I am a bit impatient. I like to know where I am going and what steps I need to take to get there in advance.

 

[1ke]

Since my husband was a baptized Catholic at the time of the marriage and I was a baptized Lutheran, once the annulment is granted are we validly married according to the Church?

Your husband’s status as a baptized Catholic means he was required to marry in Catholic form or receive a dispensation. So, the decree of nullity for your first marriage does not automatically mean your marriage to him is valid (it would mean that if he were a non-Catholic).

Do we need to have our marriage convalidated?

Yes.

What is the difference between a convalidation and a traditional marriage ceremony in the Church?

There isn’t one. A simple convalidation is the exchange of consent in the Catholic form before a priest and two witnesses. It is the Marriage Rite. It can be done in or outside of Mass and with just the priest and two witnesses or as many people as you like. It can be done as a full “wedding” (i.e. the dress, cake, bridesmaids, and whole 9 yards) or a simple exchange of vows with the required witnesses. Up to you.

There is a type of convalidation called a radical sanation that does not involve the exchange of new consent. You can talk to your pastor about that option, in such a case it is paperwork only. I don’t know if it applies to you, it only applies in certain situations.

What makes a marriage a valid sacramental marriage?

Valid exchange of consent between two baptized people.

In the case where one party is Catholic, valid exchange of consent involves the exchange in Catholic form or a dispensation from form, plus permission for mixed marriage. All handled by the pastor during premarital preparation.

Also, if a decree of nullity turns out to not be possible, I encourage you to investigate the Petrine Privilege with your pastor.

 

[MJJean]

Thank you so much!

I am praying that the annulment will be granted and our priest believes we should have no trouble given the whole story, which I did not post here as it is just so long and involved.

I am saddened that our marriage, which feels so valid to both of us, is not recognized by the Church until we have a convalidation ceremony, but it is what it is.

Now, how does this work in social Catholic culture? We believe ourselves to be married these past 10 years. Once convalidation takes place is that considered our wedding date or would we still consider our original wedding date as our anniversary?

 

[1ke]

Now, how does this work in social Catholic culture? We believe ourselves to be married these past 10 years. Once convalidation takes place is that considered our wedding date or would we still consider our original wedding date as our anniversary?

A simple convalidation would record the marriage as of the date of exchange of consent in the Catholic form in the sacramental record.

A radical sanation (“healing at the root”) would retroactively validate the marriage back to the original exchange of consent, so that date would be entered in the sacramental records.

Socially, what date you celebrate your anniversary is up to you, really.

 

[aemcpa]

I am saddened that our marriage, which feels so valid to both of us, is not recognized by the Church until we have a convalidation ceremony, but it is what it is.

Your story is exactly why the Church is so strict about her rules for marriage. It is her job to protect the Sacrament and to ensure that every possible measure is taken so that her children enter into true marriages that will last a lifetime and will blossom into holy Catholic families.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I was raised Lutheran…sort of. I was baptized Lutheran, but we rarely attended church. Marriages and divorces and remarriages were common among friends and family. I stopped believing in God in my teens and identified as Pagan or Atheist.

My husband was raised Catholic. He was baptized and went to Mass weekly into his early teens. He then fell away from the Church and primarily identified as Pagan or Atheist.

SNIPPED

My former spouse was not baptized and has no intention of being baptized because he is not Christian. I, of course, was baptized Lutheran as an infant. My current husband was baptized Catholic as an infant, but not Confirmed.

I thought you were saying your FORMER husband was raised Catholic, and then saying he was not baptized, so I got confused. :hypno:

Your current husband was obligated to marry in a Catholic Church, so what you have now is a lack of form for your current marriage. The previous marriage is obviously an obstruction to validating your current marriage. I wish you all the best with your application for annulment, and, as we say around CAF,

[SIGN]Welcome Home![/SIGN]

 

[mommamaree]

Thank you so much!

I am praying that the annulment will be granted and our priest believes we should have no trouble given the whole story, which I did not post here as it is just so long and involved.

I am saddened that our marriage, which feels so valid to both of us, is not recognized by the Church until we have a convalidation ceremony, but it is what it is.

Now, how does this work in social Catholic culture? We believe ourselves to be married these past 10 years. Once convalidation takes place is that considered our wedding date or would we still consider our original wedding date as our anniversary?

I went through a strange circumstance during conversion, too. I was baptized Catholic as an infant, but was never raised in the Church. I had a believer’s baptism at age 7, unaware that I had already been baptized. My husband had a believer’s baptism at age 13. We eloped at 19, had a wedding ceremony at 22 for the sake of family that never knew we had eloped, and upon attempting conversion, we were informed that our marriage was not valid! Our priest actually joked with us about not fornicating anymore.
He said in our situation, there was no objective sin, but that we must be married in the Church, and that immediately following convalidation, I should begin receiving the Eucharist the next Sunday, and not wait until I was confirmed at the Easter vigil.
It was a whirlwind couple of months, and people in the parish did not understand, so they cautioned us to not have marital relations until after the convalidation, which actually went against our pastor’s counsel. But the amazing thing is, after our convalidation was accomplished, that is the defining moment when our sacramental marriage began. God was preparing some graces for us that we could never have anticipated. So we are in a strange place. Which anniversary do we celebrate? Our elopement? Our “wedding”? Our marriage in the Church? We don’t know! We acknowledge all of them with joy, however, and consider each just another step in the process of God uniting us in marriage.
Third time is the charm, right?
So, this waiting may be difficult for you, as you process through all of this and try to be patient on hearing back on your annulments, but oh the graces in store for you!

 

[devoutchristian]

Your current marriage is invalid due to lack of form and you are obligated to abstain until the convalidation. Your previous marriage is a presumptively valid natural marriage. If your previous marriage is held null, then you would be free to marry. Also, your previous marriage could be dissolved by the Pope under the Petrine Privilege, if your annulment fails.