I am still living at home... should I move out?

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beyondearth21

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Good morning!

Let me first off start by explaining my situation: I currently am working from home due to the Covid-19 situation and odds are that I may be offered a permanent position to due so. I get great pay considering all things. I am a grad student right now and very happy with that.

I currently live at home, I am a female, 24 and Mexican-American. I have lived in my current state all my life. The reason this is relevant is because of of what it entails. My parents are strict when it comes down to many things and living alone is one of them. I recently expressed interest that I wanted to buy a property and the only way they would support me is if I considered it a “dead investment” as I am not a “street girl” that should live alone. That is a rough translation but essentially, they said I wasn’t raised to live alone and as that is the case, I shouldn’t do that. My parents worry about everything and my problem is that my dad has CHF and I worry that if I decide to move out, it may impact his health.

My parents are I are in a good place, nothing bad there. It is just, I am tired of living in the same state, I want to move to an area with better climate. I want to experience what living alone is like and be more independent. I wouldn’t move right away as I am giving myself a year to get situated and determine what I want to do. I am having a hard time deciding if I do because of the 4th Commitment. I want to honor my parents but I feel that if I move away, I won’t be able to. I have told my mother I want to move out and she understands but my father doesn’t feel the same way and I worry I will regret it if I don’t. I understand there are no guarantees in life but I want to hear different opinions to see if I am in the right or wrong here.

Suggestions are VERY welcomed as I am not sure what to do.

Thank you!
 
You’re 24. It’s entirely reasonable that you want to leave the nest and live as an independent adult. It sounds like your parents are just having trouble accepting that you’re not a little kid anymore.
 
Depends on if you wish to live according to the cultural norms of your family, or, if you want to adopt a different culture for yourself.

There is no right or wrong answer here. Weigh the pros and cons, what the ramifications of each decision may be, and go from there.
 
I don’t plan on changing who I am. Since senior year in college, I haven’t really partied or done anything crazy. I have been at home and working/grad school for around 2 years now.

I want a huge change of scenery and I was just hoping to get an understanding if this conflates with honoring the 4th commandment
 
beyondearth21 said:
I want a huge change of scenery and I was just hoping to get an understanding if this conflates with honoring the 4th commandment
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You’re an adult, and have every right to live your own life. To do so is not dishonoring your parents. In fact, we could say it is honoring them, by showing that they raised you to be an independent, functional adult.
 
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I’m Italian American.

I lived home until I was married in my later 20’s. My father, actually, would have liked it if my husband and I had moved in with them after the wedding.

We didn’t do that. I explained I was getting married, he wouldn’t see me everyday anymore, we needed privacy and a new start at life .

He responded, well aren’t we going to see each other every night when you come home for dinner.

We didn’t do that either.

It’s hard for parents to understand new generations and new cultures.

But I think most parents do want What’s best for their children, and they want their children to be happy.

Maybe, when it’s possible, take a family trip to another state to see how it is and to show them.

I had a friend who was also Italian American. She set up her parents basement as an apartment to have her own space.

This type of house is also common in some places:

 
beyondearth21 said:
I want a huge change of scenery and I was just hoping to get an understanding if this conflates with honoring the 4th commandment
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If you were moving out with “I’ll show them they are not the boss of me”, that would be a red flag.

Your posts do NOT sound that way, so, pros and cons list 🙂
 
I am also Mexican American, although my parents did not raise me (my grandparents did) I understand the culture enough that living at home until one is married is the norm. Heck, my wife is from Mexico and when we were dating, she would have to explain to others from Mexico that the reason I do not live at home is because I am very “american” not because I am a bad person or that my family “kicked me out” for being a bad person.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to leave home. Nothing. It is not a violation of the commandment to honor your parents. Adults need not do everything their parents want them to do. I would say even if you have to explain that “living at home until married” is cultural, not “universal” and that for Americans, it is normal to move out before marriage (I do not know if your parents are from Mexico or how “Americanized” they are)

If you can afford it, I would say go ahead and move out. Just give your parents plenty of time to mentally prepare. Especially if your dad is in bad health. Ultimately, it is their responsibility to learn to deal with this.

I like the “pro/con” list approach as was recommended. But, it is doing nothing wrong at all to decide to leave if you want.
 
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There are two sides to this. Yes, you’re an adult, you don’t need your parents permission anymore to make important life decisions. You don’t dishonour your parents by going against their advice or wishes in this. On the other hand, living at home is an excellent opportunity to save money to buy a property etc. Many people move back with their parents in order to do this. It’s up to you really. Also there is a certain comfort in living at home.
But if you have the urge to travel and experience a more independent lifestyle then go for it.

Yolo.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Adults need not do everything their parents want them to do.
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It’s important to remember this as Catholics. And, in fairness, sometimes the longer you live at home, the harder it is to get away from the idea that our parents wishes should not rule us as adults. At most, we should view it as guidance. My mother is tends to give very strong opinions on my decisions. When I was younger I would take these very much to heart and agonise over them. When I bought my first car she was at pains to explain how much of a drain on finances a car would be. Not so much to dissuade me from buying a car, but to prepare me for the reality of owning one. At the time I just thought it was very annoying that she was putting a damper on my plans. But I see now that was not the purpose of it. She did the same when I bought my second car, but by that time I had learned that this was not something she was doing to put me off, but just giving another perspective to consider. Sometimes the way we learn to interpret our parents words matters. Nowadays I just listen and do my own thing anyway.

Sometimes parents need to make this transition too, from “my word is law” to “my word is advice”.

My dad was always much less invested. He gives advice if asked. If you tell him your plans and he thinks it might not be the best idea he just says “good luck with that son” with a little smile.
 
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