I believe in love at first sight, but I want to date?

  • Thread starter Thread starter rainguillot
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

rainguillot

Guest
So I am a STRONG believer in love at first sight and I have always believed that I would have it and marry the man I would have it with. My mother and father had it, and my friend’s parents and grandparents had it, so I believe that I will have this too. This may sound silly, but this is my belief so please do not comment with hate. The thing is, I recently met this guy and I really like him. We have hung out about 4 times and I have been having a lot of fun with him. However, our relationship is deepening and I feel like we will kiss soon or become closer and I want it to happen. But if I date this guy, I KNOW I would feel slightly guilty because I know he isn’t the one I will marry. And if he asks my thoughts on marriage, that would be an interesting discussion. I may be overthinking this for it being so early in our relationship, but I can’t help but think about it. I like him and I want to continue what we have.
What would you do? Would you just let the relationship flow?
 
Last edited:
HOW do you KNOW for sure?

Love at first sight is possible, but I think it would be somewhat superstitious of you to be totally set and believing that is the only way. Very often it is not. Ask many of the people here who are married…

Don’t be in a hurry to kiss him. Be friends with him. That is the telling tale, I think, anyways. You don’t need to rush to make it something physical.
 
Well, um. You may be setting yourself up for a very painful journey.

What former generations experienced cannot really be that often replicated in today’s generations. A lot of the time, people look back and say it was love at first sight because it ended in marriage and they reflect on those initial butterflies as well “love”.

Love doesn’t just happen. It is hard work. The quicker you realise this, the better off you will be.

I would say date the guy, and have fun.
 
It may sound trite, but we live in different times and in a different culture. You will want to adjust accordingly.

Marriage is something Catholics need to take seriously. The adjustment that I would suggest making is to give yourselves time.

I think people have lost sight of the fact that dating is to determine who you will marry. It shouldn’t be joyride that you know won’t end well. You could end up hurting someone else or yourself.
 
I think if your 16-19 then casual dating is fine. Teenagers SHOULD date casually in order to find out who they are and what they want out of life.

Adults shouldn’t date casually. It’s truly a waste of time. Not just his time, but your own time. If you truly don’t see a future with this guy and your not a teenager then find someone else. I suggest though, that you consider if love at first sight crosses the line to being nothing more than shallow and skin deep.
 
rainguillot said:
So I am a STRONG believer in love at first sight and I have always believed that I would have it and marry the man I would have it with. My mother and father had it, and my friend’s parents and grandparents had it, so I believe that I will have this too. This may sound silly, but this is my belief so please do not comment with hate. The thing is, I recently met this guy and I really like him. We have hung out about 4 times and I have been having a lot of fun with him. However, our relationship is deepening and I feel like we will kiss soon or become closer and I want it to happen. But if I date this guy, I KNOW I would feel slightly guilty because I know he isn’t the one I will marry. And if he asks my thoughts on marriage, that would be an interesting discussion. I may be overthinking this for it being so early in our relationship, but I can’t help but think about it. I like him and I want to continue what we have.

What would you do? Would you just let the relationship flow?
Click to expand...
I think the divorce rate is high in couples who say they fell in love at first sight!
 
I believe that your view on love is very innocent and good to an extent, however ( and I’m not trying to sound rude okay? I think you sound very sweet and with your family backstory I wouldn’t want to in any way come off as disrespectful) I believe that now a days, it isn’t wise to just jump into a relationship with someone you know? This I think is especially true if what you want is something God honoring and long lasting. Back in the day when our grandparents and parents dated , things were more simple I believe. Today there’s a lot of deceit. Am I saying this isn’t the guy you’ll marry? No, this may just be it. Does it mean He has to be just because you enjoy him and like him right now? Absolutely not! Marriage is a vocation, and as such it has to be discerned. This means it has to be prayed over, you have to look for help with your confessor, spiritual direction, and or family too. You have to really get to know this person down to the uncomfortable things so that you can know for sure if you’ll enjoy him just as much 30 years down the road. You aren’t just choosing a husband for yourself, you’re also choosing a father for your children. I think that taking things slow doesn’t mean anything bad, it’s just smart and responsible you know? You give it time to see what his intentions might even be. Don’t jump on the boat right off the bat, take it slow :). Give it to the Lord, if this is the one, He’ll write you a nice love story ,and if this isn’t the guy, then that just means you just have some more time to prepare for him with Our Lord and Lady. God luck!
 
Last edited:
So you’re not in love with him you say… Because you said in the beginning that you believe in love at first sight and when that happens you will marry that guy.
But you’d like to give it a try anyway, even if it’s not all that in your heart… yet. You can fall in love later you know. It has been known to happen.
Why should you feel guilty just because you now don’t think you’d marry that guy? Do you know for sure he’s feeling more intensely about you than you about him? It’s just to early to tell imho…
 
You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak with that attitude. Romantic love requires familiarity, so there’s really no such thing as “love at first sight.”
 
Last edited:
FrancisPio said:
Teenagers SHOULD date casually in order to find out who they are and what they want out of life.
Click to expand...
TBH, you can achieve these things without dating by investing in quality friendships and hobbies. Dating is really not that important at that age and can even be harmful as teenagers catch feelings and they abandon themselves for the other.
 
Really? You don’t believe 17 year olds should date? My family was very conservative but dating was allowed growing up.
 
rainguillot said:
So I am a STRONG believer in love at first sight and I have always believed that I would have it and marry the man I would have it with. My mother and father had it, and my friend’s parents and grandparents had it, so I believe that I will have this too.
Click to expand...
Don’t take offense at this, but you seem really young and inexperienced. Love at first sight isn’t really a thing. It’s just something movies have convinced you is a thing. Love requires a deep familiarity. You can’t love someone you’ve known for five minutes.

Attraction at first sight is definitely a thing. You can have instant chemistry. But not love. Sometimes married couples will look back and think they were in love at first sight because the way they remember that initial meeting is influenced by everything that happened after: the attraction, the courtship, the marriage, etc where they did fall in love.

I’m not trying to come down on you: I get that you’re still figuring this stuff out. But if you accept the notion of “love at first sight” as told to you by romance novels and Disney movies, you’re going to set yourself up for disappointment as an adult.
 
My grandmother shared the story of how my grandfather saw her at a dance hall - came over and told her that she was the one he was going to marry. (about 1920)

My in-laws, however, shared the story of how they were set up by their roommates - and how each reported to their respective roommates (after the first date) how they would never see the other again.

While I suppose love-at-first-sight may be possible, I, also think that you will be eliminating a lot of great possibilities, because you didn’t feel it at the first time you met. I don’t think it would have been possible for me to fall in love at first sight - because so much of what causes me to fall in love has nothing to do with what the other looks like. I would need to know how intelligent, how kind, how interesting, how funny the other is. I would need to know how the other dealt with her family - how she dealt with servers in restaurants - or janitors - how she deals with her friends. I would need to know what she thinks about children and how she relates to them. I don’t think I could have adequately gauged any of that on first sight.
 
@rainguillot if you’re still reading these, I just want to offer you some food for thought. If you believe in love at first sight, so be it. But I want you to remember two things:
  1. It is possible to love someone without actually liking them. Attraction/admiration/love at first sight - whatever you want to call it - will give you an instant companion. What you want is a partner for life, and that will only work if you’re friends as well as lovers. True friendship is no instantaneous thing.
  2. Don’t become blinded. When you start loving before you befriend, you just don’t see the things you dislike. You see “my beloved is an artist” but don’t quite register that he’s unable to live off his work. You see “oh, he likes to have a good time” but maybe not that he likes partying a little too much. Reality comes crashing down after you tie the knot.
I cannot tell you what is in your heart regarding this young man. I’ll just ask you to keep your eyes open and your heart discerning. May God go with you.
 
What happens if you fall in love at first sight, but that person doesn’t feel anything for you? That could happen to you if you actually believe in love at first sight.

I don’t believe in love at first sight. You have to know someone first in order to love them, and you don’t do that just by seeing someone for the first time.
 
Not really tbh. I feel like teenagers are not mature enough and there are other life goals they should be working on (school for instance).

I think having friends of the opposite sex is very important but not necessarily relationships? Like having a date to prom is totally fine but imo serious relationships…idk. It’s so easy to lose yourself and be influenced by your partner. That can mean pre marital sex or something like choosing a different college so you can see him/turning down scholarships etc. I think it’s unnecessary weight at that age, if that makes sense?

I think it’s important for one to develop a strong sense of identity before dating. I also don’t get dating someone without marriage in mind. It could just hurt people at the end. Or even if the relationship works out…idk. High school sweethearts are really cute though. I have friends who dated since 16 and they’re still together after 4 years but I noticed they all told me something along the lines of how they wished that they could have dated the guy later on because it can be emotionally draining at that age.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I don’t believe in love at first sight. You have to know someone first in order to love them, and you don’t do that just by seeing someone for the first time.
Click to expand...
I agree. Its just a fantasy that some people have.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top