I can't hang on any longer

[scared]

Hello:

I have been fighting to stay in the church and it is a loosing battle. I have attended mass, even got the courage to go to confession, but for what? God doesn’t want me, my church doesn’t want me.
I even tried going to another church, but nothing, I feel nothing. I can’t even not become catholic. I don’t know which is worse fighting to stay in a church that doesn’t want you or living without God.

I can’t pray, I can’t read the bible, I can’t even look at the cross hanging in the house. Nothing it is gone. I just can’t fight anymore.

scared

 

[mikew262]

scared:

Hello:

God doesn’t want me, my church doesn’t want me.

scared

What makes you think this?

 

[Paris_Blues]

Oh scared,

That’s a bunch of bull! You’re starting to sound like me now and you know it! I KNOW you’ve read my thread “I left the Church” and now I’m on a spiritual recovery to get back into it. It was MOI fault not the Church’s.

Stop your hiffy-horsey! If I can get back into the Church, so can you! What’s holding you back?

scared:

Hello:

I have been fighting to stay in the church and it is a loosing battle. I have attended mass, even got the courage to go to confession, but for what? God doesn’t want me, my church doesn’t want me.
I even tried going to another church, but nothing, I feel nothing. I can’t even not become catholic. I don’t know which is worse fighting to stay in a church that doesn’t want you or living without God.

I can’t pray, I can’t read the bible, I can’t even look at the cross hanging in the house. Nothing it is gone. I just can’t fight anymore.

scared

 

[AquinasXVI]

Scared:

Let it pass. You’re seeing your life in a microscope at the moment. Relax. Take a nap. Play a sport. Take a day off…

God will be there when you’ve cooled down, He’s not going anywhere.

in XT.

 

[mikew262]

AquinasXVI:

Scared:

Let it pass. You’re seeing your life in a microscope at the moment. Relax. Take a nap. Play a sport. Take a day off…

God will be there when you’ve cooled down, He’s not going anywhere.

in XT.

Probably some good advice.

 

[scared]

Hello

Mike you asked What makes you think this?

Well, it has been a downward battle for awhile now I am pretty sure God doesn’t want me, call it a gut feeling. My church has told me as much.

Paris: Yes I have read your thread. I am not a new convert. My situation is a little different than yours. I am glad you are able to go back to the church, my options are not simple, but complex. It is not a matter of contacting my Parish Priest and saying hey I am having problems. No this runs much deeper. The season to be jolly is more season to be away from the church.

AquinasXVI: I wish I could take a nap, can’t play a sport just had surgery, I have been taking too many days off. If I was all upset and in a huff I would cool down, but I am not in a huff, not even a small temper tantrum. If I was ranting and raving, it may help. No I am just coming to the realization that nothing I have tried is working, and nothing I do is making any sort of dent. I am pretty sure God is already gone and has been for sometime, I was just too stubborn to realize it.

scared

 

[Jayson]

I really think, if it is at all possible, that you should try attending mass at a different church. Reading some of your old posts it seems that the priest you’ve been dealing with isn’t very sensitive to your needs.

Priests are called to be very gentle, especially with people in difficult situations. They should only be stern with those who are far advanced in the faith.

Take heart, and do not give up. God is with you. Remember, he became a man, and suffered with us. He knows your troubles more than you could possibly imagine. We are with you.

Again, do not lose hope, and pray, even if it is just one word (help, Jesus, etc.).

If you can make it through this slump you will emerge a stronger person.

 

[jesiwicks]

Scared,
The scariest thing that you can ever do is live without God. If you give up, you won’t struggle less, you will struggle more because you have denied the only person that knows you best. He loves you and in your existance you are a part of Him.

Just Stop. It’s not about you. It’s not about the church wanting you, It’s about you wanting the Church. I know that you want it, because you put forth the effort to go to mass and confession. BUT what have you done to learn more about the church lately? You cannot love something you do not understand. I am not saying that I think you are ignorant about church teachings, but if you do not make an effort everyday to understand something new about the church, it will become boring.

My suggestion: give it one last shot. Go to your computer and look up your diocese. Try to find a place this week where they are offering Eucharistic Adoration. Take a book that you have never read before about the church. I would suggest a meditation book called “In Convesation with God”, the magnificat, Anything from St. Thomas (I love him) or whatever sacred reading material you can find. Read two or three paragraphs… that’s it. If something hits you that you read, stop and pray about it. Then be queit. Do not try to think about anything or say anything to God. Just be with Him trusting that He is there. Just ask him to come into your heart and show you the truth. I have no doubt in my mind that something will come over you, (namely the Holy Spririt). I know it sounds a little corny, but sometimes you just have to swallow your pride.

It’s hard to be Catholic today. There are a lot of contoversies in society about Church teachings. But the narrow path is hard and you have to want it… But that in the end is what makes you stronger. If there are things you do not agree with, don’t immediately condemn the Church. Trust until you can get many different explanations that help you understand why the Church believes this (even if you don’t). You don’t have to agree with everything your priest or bishops says. You only have to trust the official teachings on faith and morals that have been bound by the pope. You have the liberty to study these things on your own. Seek and ye shall find, you know?

You are wise. The fear of losing God is the only fear that is valid. And if you keep that and let it drive you, you will become a saint.

God Bless you, you are in my prayers.
Jess

 

[AquinasXVI]

scared:

I am just coming to the realization that nothing I have tried is working, and nothing I do is making any sort of dent. I am pretty sure God is already gone and has been for sometime, I was just too stubborn to realize it.

scared

Scared:

I’m sure John the Baptist was thinking these thoughts when his neck was on the chopping board. I’m not joking although there may be humor in it.

God witholds consolations per St. Teresa of Avila when He knows that the soul is ripe for expansion. St. Francis in the cave close to the end suffering from blindness was suffering thinking his whole life work was for naught. We are blind to the good seeds that we’ve sown for our own good.

Keep fighting, even if it just means breathing.

in XT.

 

[Lrning]

Scared,

Have you explored the possibility that you may be suffering from depression? Or perhaps you are on medication after your surgery and it is contributing to your feelings of hopelessness?

Although you FEEL that God has abandoned you, know with 100% certainty that he hasn’t. Read the Psalms. They are full of lamenting from those that felt as though God had abandoned them. They are also full of worship, praise, and thanksgiving for the God that NEVER leaves us.

It sounds as though you expect to FEEL something to know that you are in the right place or on the right track. But it doesn’t always work that way. (It has never worked that way for me.)

Perhaps the people at your parish are rejecting you. But they are NOT God.

Despite the fact that you don’t feel like it, say a prayer of thanksgiving to God every morning, noon, and night. See if you don’t start to recognize Him working in your life.

I will be praying for you.

 

[scared]

jesiwicks:

Scared,
The scariest thing that you can ever do is live without God. If you give up, you won’t struggle less, you will struggle more because you have denied the only person that knows you best. He loves you and in your existance you are a part of Him.
Yes, I have thought about what it would be like to live without God, I think I already know, I think that is what is causing me to fight so much
Just Stop. It’s not about you. It’s not about the church wanting you, It’s about you wanting the Church. I know that you want it, because you put forth the effort to go to mass and confession. BUT what have you done to learn more about the church lately? You cannot love something you do not understand. I am not saying that I think you are ignorant about church teachings, but if you do not make an effort everyday to understand something new about the church, it will become boring.
Ok, that was pretty blunt, but that is maybe what I need. I can’t learn anything about the church, I did read about Mother Theresa, what an awsome woman. No I have never felt the church to be boring, changing yes, good or bad, but not boring.
My suggestion: give it one last shot. Go to your computer and look up your diocese. Try to find a place this week where they are offering Eucharistic Adoration. Take a book that you have never read before about the church. I would suggest a meditation book called “In Convesation with God”, the magnificat, Anything from St. Thomas (I love him) or whatever sacred reading material you can find. Read two or three paragraphs… that’s it. If something hits you that you read, stop and pray about it. Then be queit. Do not try to think about anything or say anything to God. Just be with Him trusting that He is there. Just ask him to come into your heart and show you the truth. I have no doubt in my mind that something will come over you, (namely the Holy Spririt). I know it sounds a little corny, but sometimes you just have to swallow your pride.
My church is locked until Sunday. I live in a rural area and would have to drive a distance to get to another church, not that if I thought it would help would stop me. Most of our churches are locked and most of the Priests don’t reside at the church a few exceptions exist. I am not aware of any that have perpetual adoration. Most are scheduled times, but they are listed in there bullatins, not on the websites. I would have to contact the priest and make arrangements. I am so scared of Priests to contact another and be told no would be the last straw. I wondered if I was suffering a dose of Pride, I don’t think that I am better than God, I actually think he and most catholics are alot better than I.
It’s hard to be Catholic today. There are a lot of contoversies in society about Church teachings. But the narrow path is hard and you have to want it… But that in the end is what makes you stronger. If there are things you do not agree with, don’t immediately condemn the Church. Trust until you can get many different explanations that help you understand why the Church believes this (even if you don’t). You don’t have to agree with everything your priest or bishops says. You only have to trust the official teachings on faith and morals that have been bound by the pope. You have the liberty to study these things on your own. Seek and ye shall find, you know?

When I became Catholic I stuggled and was held fast by a wonderful Priest who showed me, that no matter what I had to trust in the Lord, follow his teaching, bear his cross. There was very few things that I would question. Those I did question and ignore put me in alot of hot water, namely 17 years of mortal sin. In those 17 years I have always known God, I did leave the church one other time, but for a different reason. I was taught as a youngster that no matter what the Priest said or told you to do you never ever ever crossed him. That is why this is so hard, one told me to leave. Seek and ye shall find, I have stopped looking.

You are wise. The fear of losing God is the only fear that is valid. And if you keep that and let it drive you, you will become a saint.
Me a saint not bloody likely.
God Bless you, you are in my prayers.
Jess

Lrning:

I have spoken both with my doctor and a catholic counsellor, both are in agreement that this is not depression. The meds I am on just make me sleep, or feel really really drunk, which is weird,because I haven’t drank is over 17 years, and I don’t like that feeling at all, so I only take them when I am in sooo much bleeping pain that I have to.

As for feeling things well, I have never not felt God in my life until about 5 months ago and it was sparatic then, now I feel nothing.

If I could pray things would be alot easier, it just doesn’t happen.

I even tried taking a nap and only awoke with a headache.

Thank you for all who are praying,
scared

 

[JMJ_Theresa]

Hi Scared,

I’m not sure if you are looking for encouragement or practical suggestions.

persevere!!! That is my encouragement.

It sounds like you have a lot of obstacles to the kind of spiritual aids that help a lot of people.

here are some things that help me when I’m losing joy.

1. reading the Gospels
2. reading the lives of the saints–I esp. like the ones that offer a glance into the supernatural, like Padre Pio.
3. having spiritual conversations with friends.
4. using ordinary occurrences to remind myself of God’s love. I stole both of these from Kimberly Hahn’s tapes: when I pick up a penny (pennies from Heaven), I say to myself, “Mary is my mother in Heaven who loves me so much, as much as she loves her own Son.” And, when I see a cardinal (the bird), I think of it as God’s special way of sending love to me. I know God and Mary love me all the time, but I’m human so I need tangible things.
5. Do a good deed for another. Send a card. Have a phone conversation to encourage someone. Make a rosary.
6. Remind myself that feelings are not faith. I don’t have to feel God’s love to know that it is there.

Keep persevering

 

[ThisOne]

I found the following last night and was helped immensely, because I was once again feeling far from God.

Maybe this will be of some comfort to you, scared.

ewtn.com/vexperts/showmessage.asp?Pgnu=1&Pg=Forum8&recnu=2&number=453746

As for believers who would be moved from faith by life’s circumstances, there is no question that someone who loses their faith does so through their own fault. It is a supernatural gift that God gives, and provides sufficient grace for us to retain. If we lose it, it cannot be His fault, it must be ours. By the way, don’t confuse faith, which is belief in God and His revealed truths, with hope, which is trust in His divine power to save us (eternally, but also in life’s circumstances). People can have problems in life and get discouraged and think that God is far from them, that is not losing faith. The person who says I can no longer believe because God treats me so is rejecting God. That is objectively culpable, save perhaps situations of mental illness, and never justified. But, even then, God alone will judge the true degree of culpability. That is why we never lose hope for someone’s salvation. What we hope for is their conversion, not that God will throw out the moral law and excuse culpable fault without conversion. He will not.

---

I am praying for you and for us.

 

[april_hosen]

scared:

nothing I have tried is working, scared

First off,
If you’re not praying, you definantely havent tried everything. Iknow it seems so difficult, but you have to humble yourself before God and just pray. Even if your yelling at the top if your lungs dont stop until you have that peace that the Holy Spirit provides. Also, I’d suggest diggin into God’s word! Besides prayer there’s nothing more powerful than the Bible. Its shaped country, moved mountains, changed lives, and then some. Just a thought, but if you havent been plugging yourself into God, maybe He’s not the one thats turned his back, eh?
God Bless, Scared

 

[scared]

april_hosen:

First off,
If you’re not praying, you definantely havent tried everything. Iknow it seems so difficult, but you have to humble yourself before God and just pray. Even if your yelling at the top if your lungs dont stop until you have that peace that the Holy Spirit provides. Also, I’d suggest diggin into God’s word! Besides prayer there’s nothing more powerful than the Bible. Its shaped country, moved mountains, changed lives, and then some. Just a thought, but if you havent been plugging yourself into God, maybe He’s not the one thats turned his back, eh?
God Bless, Scared

Oh I know that I am to blame for alot of this. I know that all too well. I did try praying, but haven’t been able to especially after I was told to leave the church. The bible well, that is another story and I haven’t been able to hold one, let alone read one in almost a year.

Yes, this is my fault, I acknowledge that, but how does one plug themselves back into God without the help of someone who knows about the faith. I know nothing, what I do know is a mere drop in the bucket, not enough to sustain faith. Again, Yes it is my fault.

scared

 

[contemplative]

scared:

I can’t pray, I can’t read the bible, I can’t even look at the cross hanging in the house. Nothing it is gone. I just can’t fight anymore.

scared

Dorothy Day offers this in her reflection on Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God.

Recently an old woman died in our midst, here at our House of Hospitality in New York. She was surrounded by many men and women she had known a long time; she had the best of care. We had a nurse living with us who could meet any emergency. But Catherine, the last few weeks of her life, often clutched at my hand as I passed her, and would plead with me, “There is God, tell me there is a God! Tell me!”

I could only say, “Yes Catherine, there is a God. He is our Father and He loves us, you and me.” When you say these things it is an act of faith. You feel your helplessness so you pray harder. You seem to know nothing; you can only hold her hand and make your affirmation. So much of our prayer is made up of these affirmations. “I praise Thee, O God, I bless Thee. What have I on earth but Thee and what do I desire in heaven besides Thee. I am saying this* for **Catherine, **instead *of Catherine, because she is in ‘the valley of the shadow’”

But did I comfort her? A few days later a young girl said to me, “The word Father means nothing to me. It brings me no comfort. I had a drunken father who abused my mother and beat his children.” We can do nothing by our words. So we are driven to prayer by our helplessness. God takes over.

Beyond words……how many times have I been beyond words for my God?

Scared,
Think about what I just shared and know that when we are beyond words God takes over. Allow God to take over in your life.

I suggest that you read more about the life and words of Dorothy Day and try reading Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God. Audio book here

Both are refreshing.

God’s love and blessings,
Contemplative

 

[hurst]

scared:

Oh I know that I am to blame for alot of this. I know that all too well… Yes, this is my fault, I acknowledge that, but how does one plug themselves back into God

Ok, you acknowledge you are at fault for something. If you are so at fault, do you deserve good things right now? You feel you have lost the presence of God for five months. Looks to me like you are the one who moved. So, move back. Make an effort. Yes, it is an uphill battle, but do it because God deserves it, not because you deserve it. If you believe He deserves it, you will offer yourself as a vessel for His purpose. That will fulfill your realization that you don’t deserve it. It is true, you don’t deserve to get your way. So be fair and let God have His way in Truth.

And as for what you are suffering now, simply accept it as a chastisement to help you learn obedience.

Hebrews 5:8 And whereas indeed he was the Son of God, he learned obedience by the things which he suffered:

Apocalypse 3:19 Such as I love, I rebuke and chastise. Be zealous therefore, and do penance.

So Christ has already been there, and suffered separation - even though He was not at fault. Imagine your faults loaded on Him as He suffers. He accepts your sins and atones for them, and pays for your redemption. But to be saved you must let His redemption of your sins count, and entrust yourself to Him and His plan for all the “slaves” He buys away from the devil through His sufferings. Truly you must stop doing your own will and do God’s will to enter Heaven.

Matthew 7:21 Not every one that saith to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven: but he that doth the will of my Father who is in heaven, he shall enter into the kingdom of heaven.

scared:

… without the help of someone who knows about the faith. I know nothing, what I do know is a mere drop in the bucket, not enough to sustain faith.

Fortunately, you are availing yourself of knowledgable people on this board.

To sustain faith, you must make an effort and pray. It does not take faith to know God exists. But it takes faith to entrust yourself to Him - faith in His mercy and justice. Follow the simple golden rule with God.

Matthew 7:12 All things therefore whatsoever you would that men should do to you, do you also to them. For this is the law and the prophets.

Whatever you’d like Him to do for you, do that for Him through others.

Colossians 3:23 Whatsoever you do, do it from the heart, as to the Lord, and not to men:

As a beggar before God, you’d like God to help you? Then help beggars you see in the street. As offensive before God, you’d like Him to accept you? Then accept others you meet who are likewise offensive. This is why we are called to love one another - because that is what life in God is about. If we will not be this way with others, then we will not be that way with God.

Matthew 25:45 Then he shall answer them, saying: Amen I say to you, as long as you did it not to one of these least, neither did you do it to me.

I think that what you need to sustain is hope. And I would say that if you give God a reason to hope that you will stay with Him (e.g. via persevering in prayer), then He will likewise give you a reason to hope that He will stay with you (e.g. sweet consolation).

In conclusion, let me say that I know someone who, though close to the Lord, had to endure six months of no consolations or sense of God’s nearness. It was tormenting, to say the least. But God returned even more sweetly than before. And it was explained that this separation was not only meant to make the heart fonder, but also to help her grieve and pray for those who are separated from God.

Perhaps God is showing you this to awaken charity in your heart for others? But be prepared to have to endure for years, if that is what will please our great God. I would encourage you to read more lives of saints.

hurst

 

[Catholic_Heart]

scared:

Lrning:

I have spoken both with my doctor and a catholic counsellor, both are in agreement that this is not depression. The meds I am on just make me sleep, or feel really really drunk, which is weird,because I haven’t drank is over 17 years, and I don’t like that feeling at all, so I only take them when I am in sooo much bleeping pain that I have to.

As for feeling things well, I have never not felt God in my life until about 5 months ago and it was sparatic then, now I feel nothing.

If I could pray things would be alot easier, it just doesn’t happen.

I even tried taking a nap and only awoke with a headache.

Thank you for all who are praying,
scared

You are in good company…The Little Flower went for many months without what she called “consolations”…She simply did not feel God’s presence in her life. But…She hung in there, enduring a prolonged “dry” period.

Many people experience these dry spells…Times when God simply does not seem to be there…When nothing about faith makes sense…When you just feel so empty and alone. Some say this is a “gift”…That in the end, faith will return and be stronger for the pain of the dry time.

I will keep you in my prayers…I know you do not really want to leave the Church…That’s because you have come here…You are obviously reaching out for help…and you obviously do not want to leave your faith…

One thing…It is said that if you feel distant from God, guess who moved…Sometimes we all simply move away from God…Not meaning to, but it happens…God Bless…

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

If you think God does’nt want you then I suggest reading the book of Job in the bible. You can learn much from Job.

It’s just a test your going through.
When good times come our way we think they will never end. And when bad times come our way we think they will never end.
Thats from the Imitation of Christ.
Persevere my friend and you will prove that you love God. Good times will come again.
And God loves you immensely. I’ll pray for you.

 

[scared]

I believe both catholic heart and hurst are right. If God is real and all knowing and is everywhere, then it is I that have moved.

Hurst, you said "And as for what you are suffering now, simply accept it as a chastisement to help you learn obedience. " I understand, perhaps this is what I need, chastisement, and to learn obedience. How does one do this though? Do I need to be made aware that I have been disobediant and therefore need to be given correction? I think I sort of understand this, but not sure how to go about it.

Hurst said: "…do you deserve good things right now? " No when you put it those terms, I only deserve to be admonished by him.

scared