Agree to go to counseling but for separation couseling to make the transition away from each other easier on the both of you whether she agrees to go with you or not. Sinner is right. This is a red flag for your relationship. Trust in God and see the signs. The writing is on the wall. My opinion, but this is assuming I understand what is going on in reality with your relationship. And I know I really don’t so take my advice with a grain of salt.
Then take it slowly. Read some of my most recent posts. I’ve posted much of what I’m still dealing with 20 years later. Ask yourself “am I strong enough and able enough to really be ther for her”. Am I able to sacrifice for her, really, even your own happiness? Are you? Can you be faithful to the end no matter what? Can she? What history do you both have? Marriage is for keeps. And considering that you are posting on a situation that is relatively new to you begs the questions if you’re not answering your own question…“should I stay or should I go”. Prayer and fasting is in order. And lots of counseling. Don’t jump in without knowing you feel called to this relationship like I submitted to mine. I was preparing to return to the seminarian when I felt the Holy Spirit answer me 3 times in a row after taking a getaway trip to prepare my mine for leaving her. I knew that it would be too difficult of a road to bear. But since I felt God call me into it…a sort of suffering, I chose to say yes…even though I made some bad choices afterwards. But sometimes I think God let me go that way because of my doubts and mixed faith background. It worked out for the best. My Catholic faith had been shattered after my former seminarian professor and priest made a pass on me. I think God led us to each other since we both had related abuse issues. Both shaken in our faith on different levels. We both felt that our church leaders were hard hearted. That’s my story in a bleep. Praying for you tonight.
The original version of this was by the writer Nelson Algren. He put it this way: *Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. *
Dear old Dad told me never to sleep with a girl who you wouldn’t trust with your ATM card and pin. Same sort of thing.
VERY good advice.
Hi again, Bulldawg
…it sounds like that is what you really would like to do, rather than pursue things with her. I think deep down you kinda know she isn’t the right one. Now, if she changes her ways, great–people can change, that is true. I used to have sinful ways about myself, and through prayer, confession, etc…I did manage to change. But, change takes time. I think that you realize your own spirituality is being hurt, by allowing her to tempt you. So…if it were me…(if I were you)…I would just ask her for a break. No emails…no phone…etc…for a few weeks. Just see where things stand then. If she loves you, she won’t pressure you to be with her…she will understand. She also needs to do this on her own…find herself, who she is as a woman, without a man around. Sounds like at some point in her life, she started viewing herself only through the eyes of men. Many women make these mistakes…she is not unusual. I used to be like this to, albeit I acted it all out differently than your gf.
Seriously…I wouldn’t steer you wrong.Think in some situations they can. Especially if they see each other in a group not on their own and probably after not seeing each other for a while.
My friend, Father…
, actually has an ex gf he visits regularly that is married with children. He is the children’s godfather. He told me that it is a good thing they kept their relationship on the up and up…otherwise it would be very awkward.