I constantly have severe anxiety

[reaganclare]

Lately, I have had the worst anxiety and obsessive thoughts. It’s getting so I can’t sleep or function at all. I’m dating and recently engaged to the love of my life. However, after he proposed and I said yes, with no reservations, that night, I was hit with the worst anxiety ever.

I suddenly got hit with the thought that I may not be doing God’s will and that I’d be forced to enter religious life. It gets horrible. I feel like I can’t love my fiance properly because everytime I do, I get hit with the thought “God’s just gonna force you to be a nun/sister, so why bother?”

I grew up with a ton of pressure to be a nun. It gave me the worst guilt and anxiety. If God forced me somehow, I would obey him, but I wouldn’t be happy. The strain would be very hard for me. I went to convents and retreats growing up and just felt horrible in each one. In fact, I prayed to meet my fiance the last time I was at one and I met him less than a week later.

I think I have several impediments to becoming a nun as well as my general unenthusiam. I have very severe PCOS which requires a diet of meat and vegetables, no matter the day, or I get severely iron depleted. I have to stay in bed some days of the month because the pain won’t let me stand. I desperately want children and I almost cry when I see a mama with her baby or a pregnant woman because I desire it so much. I don’t think most people know how lucky they are to have a life inside them when it’s my greatest desire. This anxiety makes me feel guilty.

My fiance is a perfect saint and tries to speak reason to me and reassures me. I want to be his wife and raise his children more than anything else. I want to take him and our children to heaven with me.

Is what I’m feeling normal? I was told a couple times by different clergy and religious that they thought I should get married and I never was even that attracted to any of the many religious orders I visited. I also feel like my mom is trying to force my fiance out of the picture and have me become a Dominican instead.

She told me at one point “Well, even if your vocation is marriage, convents are easier and you will get to heaven for sure.” I told her about a disagreement my fiance and I had when we first started dating and her advice was to break up and join a convent for a month because I’d be happier there.

I don’t want to be a nun. I see the beauty in it, but every time I’m in one or around sisters, I just feel weird. Like, I could be a nun, but I’d feel out of place, like I was wearing someone else’s clothes. That and it would destroy me to leave my fiance. Our relationship is perfect. It’s all I ever prayed for and wanted, down to the silliest details.

 

[IdaCatholic]

I think this forum will not be a good solution for your issue. I encourage you to seek medical and theripudic help.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Seek help from a licensed medical professional.

Know that God is good, He has given us professional physicians.

 

[1ke]

Is what I’m feeling normal?

I would suggest talking to a mental health professional. Severe anxiety needs treatment, and no it isn’t “normal”.

I also feel like my mom is trying to force my fiance out of the picture and have me become a Dominican instead.

Also talk to a counselor about how to set boundaries with your overbearing mother.

If a religious vocation isn’t for you, that is fine!!

 

[DarkLight]

Is what I’m feeling normal? I was told a couple times by different clergy and religious that they thought I should get married and I never was even that attracted to any of the many religious orders I visited. I also feel like my mom is trying to force my fiance out of the picture and have me become a Dominican instead.

It’s normal for people who grow up with parents who don’t know when they need to butt out! You get used to whatever you grow up with. Parents do not have a say in an adult’s vocation and should not be attempting to influence it to this level. It’s not a mother’s job to tell you what God wants for you, beyond what is established in the deposit of faith. And that tells us that the married vocation is one blessed by God.

I would definitely talk to a counselor. Also talk to your priest - he may have recommendations for a counselor who would be familiar with Catholic practice, as well. I’m wondering somewhat if your mother’s pushing her anxiety on you!

 

[BookAddict]

I have had severe clinical anxiety for years (managed by meds and lifestyle choices). What you describe sounds like you may have the psychological disorder and not the emotion commonly labelled as anxiety. I urge you to speak with a physician for further investigation and to see a counselor who can help you through this.

 

[TheHolyTrinity]

Lately, I have had the worst anxiety and obsessive thoughts. It’s getting so I can’t sleep or function at all. I’m dating and recently engaged to the love of my life. However, after he proposed and I said yes, with no reservations, that night, I was hit with the worst anxiety ever.

It would be advisable to talk to your doctor about your worsening anxiety and obsessive thoughts. I would like to give you my Congratulations on becoming engaged to the love of your life. How wonderful!

I suddenly got hit with the thought that I may not be doing God’s will and that I’d be forced to enter religious life. It gets horrible. I feel like I can’t love my fiance properly because everytime I do, I get hit with the thought “God’s just gonna force you to be a nun/sister, so why bother?”

Marriage is a vocation, or in Latin is called vocare , A vocation is a personal call. The vocation to marriage is a call to a life of holiness and service within a couple’s own relationship and in their family.

I grew up with a ton of pressure to be a nun. It gave me the worst guilt and anxiety.

This is a tough experience and burden. I am sorry that this has been placed on you. Perhaps in trying to separate you from family expectations so that it decreases your guilt and anxiety. That them, that’s who they are - I still love them.

If God forced me somehow, I would obey him, but I wouldn’t be happy. The strain would be very hard for me. I went to convents and retreats growing up and just felt horrible in each one.

God only want’s what is best for you so that you can deepen your love for Him. He would not force you to do something that will cause you heart ache and pain. From what I have read and heard many people who have the calling to Religious life have a deep desire, that does not go away.

In fact, I prayed to meet my fiance the last time I was at one and I met him less than a week later.

I feel God answered your prayers.

I think I have several impediments to becoming a nun as well as my general unenthusiam. I have very severe PCOS which requires a diet of meat and vegetables, no matter the day, or I get severely iron depleted. I have to stay in bed some days of the month because the pain won’t let me stand. I desperately want children and I almost cry when I see a mama with her baby or a pregnant woman because I desire it so much. I don’t think most people know how lucky they are to have a life inside them when it’s my greatest desire. This anxiety makes me feel guilty.

It sounds like you are doing good in keeping yourself as well as you can. Do talk to your Doctor if you feel your symptoms of PCOS is worsening or seriously affecting your ability to function well.

 

[TheHolyTrinity]

My fiance is a perfect saint and tries to speak reason to me and reassures me. I want to be his wife and raise his children more than anything else. I want to take him and our children to heaven with me.

Bless his heart!

Is what I’m feeling normal? I was told a couple times by different clergy and religious that they thought I should get married and I never was even that attracted to any of the many religious orders I visited. I also feel like my mom is trying to force my fiance out of the picture and have me become a Dominican instead.

Both the priest’s and nuns have provided you with the answer that the vocation of marriage would be best for you. Perhaps try to separate your mothers desire for you to take up the vocation to be a nun from that of God’s desire - a vocation of marriage. Place your mothers desire as that is Mum’s want and that is okay. Accept that this is mum, and how she is.

She told me at one point “Well, even if your vocation is marriage, convents are easier and you will get to heaven for sure.” I told her about a disagreement my fiance and I had when we first started dating and her advice was to break up and join a convent for a month because I’d be happier there.

Try not to dwell on what your mum has said. It may be prudent to discern what you say.

I don’t want to be a nun. I see the beauty in it, but every time I’m in one or around sisters, I just feel weird. Like, I could be a nun, but I’d feel out of place, like I was wearing someone else’s clothes. That and it would destroy me to leave my fiance. Our relationship is perfect. It’s all I ever prayed for and wanted, down to the silliest details.

I feel the Lord answered your prayers when you met your fiance. Concentrate now on your Wedding plans and future marriage!

 

[Psalm30]

My story is like yours, except in reverse.

My mother has a history of emotionally manipulating me in a variety of aspects of my life. When I was a teenager, I felt a call to the religious life and wanted to be a nun. My mother discouraged it and subtly shamed me for wanting it. She never explicitly stated any of this, but I’m her only child, and she wanted grandchildren. She wanted to throw me a wedding and help me pick out a wedding dress and watch me walk down the aisle with my father. She basically manipulated me out of exploring the religious life immediately after high school like I wanted, saying I needed to try out everything else in life before joining a convent, or else I would have regrets. Only after I was married with two children did she finally admit her true motives.

I met my husband during my college years and fell in love with him. At the time getting married to him felt right, and I was at peace about it. I married him out of my own free will, my mother didn’t manipulate me into it. However, because of her, I never got the chance to explore religious life, and I really wish I had.

I love my husband and children very much. My husband is my best friend, my rock, and truthfully God’s greatest blessing in my life. Still, though, after seven years of marriage and two kids underfoot, I often can’t help thinking I really was supposed to be a nun. There are aspects of marriage that I’m clearly not cut out for. I strive to be the best wife and mother I can be, but when all is said and done, there’s still something missing.

It sounds like you are called to marriage. You’ve already explored the religious life and have determined it’s not for you. You’ve found an amazing man who will be a great husband (yay!). You sound like a wonderful person who will be an amazing wife. Even if you can’t have children of your own, your longing for motherhood can be fulfilled through adoption. There are so many unwanted children who need loving homes. You would be able to provide one, and you sound like you would be an excellent mother!

So, all is to say, don’t end up like me — don’t choose one vocation and then regret it wishing you were in another vocation. Don’t become a nun and then wish you’d gotten married, all because of your mother. As St. Catherine of Siena said, “Be who God intended you to be and you will set the world on fire.” It really sounds like you are meant to be a wife and mother. God bless you and your wonderful fiancé!

 

[Legend]

It sounds as if you allow your mother manipulate you. You found a man you love, and she’s trying to take that away! I don’t see how you can consider this!

Are you financially able to move out of your mother’s home? I’d do that, if at all possible. And try to get some good, sound , counseling. It may be a while before you can stop letting your mother ‘get’ to you.

Best wishes, and God Bless!