I don't want to be disliked here, but I need to ask some serious questions about my marriage!

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IdaD

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I used to be a promiscuous person. I am not proud of this. I grew up in a family that had very lose morals if any. At age five I was molested by my mom’s brother. When I told my dad he band my mom’s brother from our home. My mom was actually concerned for her brother. He had many mental and legal issues.
I changed my life around eleven years ago. I felt that my husband needed to know about my past. So I told him. I also did not want my mom or sisters using my past as a way to blackmail me for my husbands money.
My point is he know looks around at women who he considers good in appearance.
He has no respect for me. In the beginning of our relationship it was all about intercourse in the beginning with him. I tried to get him to see me as someone who wanted a relationship. Only now when I have felt intimate he tells me that marriage is not about intercourse and we don’t need to hug all the time. We have actually been married ten years.
When we have argued he yells for me to shut up and starts yelling about me coming from a crazy family and my past mistakes. I knew three men before my husband and he will imply it was so many more. He says things even after I told him the woman and her middle aged daughter next door have given me nasty looks and won’t speak to me. When my husband goes outside they act very nice and wave so he doesn’t care.
My husband used to do something illegal to make money. He ahs so much negative that he told me. I don’t go around saying anything about it. I did try twice in an attempt to defend myself. He walked out of the house threatening to leave with me left with so much debt and bills.
I also was in legal trouble when I met him. Yet I would get permission form the court to fly over 200 miles to visit him. I would find him laying on the ground having a panic attack. I had to help him through withdrawals even though I had so many problems of my own. I cleaned a house that was ignored for years. He paid family to clean yet everything was so filthy.
He is nice sometimes. Yet lately I have not been getting hugs. He has come into the kitchen to touch me in erotic ways while I am cooking. Yet at night he acts like I should be ashamed I feel any way intimate. I have also been pushed away when hugging him.
I am thinking I should to talk to a priest. I am afraid I won’t be welcome.
We’re both HIV positive. I was engaged and the man infected me. I tried to stay in the relationship only I did not care for him after I was infected. My husband dated a woman who told him she infected him. He left her.
My life is not all terrible. These are just the negative excerpts. I am just so afraid of being hated.
I came on here to get answers to becoming Catholic and if I would be accepted. I tried joining an HIV positive forum, but it was mostly gay men and women who dominated the site. I had nothing in common and could not relate to many of their conversations.
I am actually a boring person today. I have not drunken alcohol in over ten years. I raise my daughter, cook, clean, and attend college.
It’s just things that used to tempt me no longer tempt me. I experienced bad consequences for my behavior in the past. I have had women at the church I used to attend try to get me to drink. They didn’t know my past, they just wanted me to drink with them every time I saw them. I realized these women did not have a negative past. So the temptations I had gone through may be new to them.
I am lonely since changing my life around. I have one friend who wants me back the way I was. I hardly speak to her.
I feel I deserve a good life and respect. I have learned so much about how to communicate with people.
I watched The Bible and I felt I just wanted to be where ever God is.
Does anyone know if the things I listed here are enough to have me banned from the church. I am Episcopalian. I am thinking of changing to Roman Catholic.
 
You will not be banned or hated.
Make an appointment with a priest at the parish nearest you, and tell him everything.
Tell hi you are seeking to be right with the Lord.
He will help you. What you have shared is no one else’s business, so no one in the church will even know your past.
Many people remark that the church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.
Be at peace. Take that step. You’ll be glad you did.
Be assured of my prayers.
 
i agree with claire. ^^^ talk to a priest. tell him you want to be catholic. start attending mass. (don’t receive communion until you are catholic) sign up for adult catechism, (RCIA) talk to your husband. tell him you want to go to counseling together. you are doing the right thing by staying away from old friends and new ones who want you to drink with them. give your daughter the love and good parenting you were deprived of. i will pray for you also, God bless.
 
Dear IdaD,

Be assured that you are loved dearly by our Lord Jesus Christ.

Feel free to get in touch with a Catholic priest.

Ask the Blessed Mother for her intercession.

I will pray for you,

Peace,

Dorothy
 
God calls all to His Church. You can certainly talk to a priest and, hopefully, he can get you some counseling and help for your marriage.
 
I also have a past I am not proud of. I was promiscuous, had a terrible sham marriage built on lies, infidelity, physical abuse and mental abuse, drug use to escape, etc. I divorced and later married a wonderful man who has been my rock. He’s loved me and raised my kids for 15 years as a couple, 12 of those years civilly married. Eventually he decided to go back to Mass after 20 years away and brought myself and the kids with him. That was a day that changed my life. I walked into the church and knew I was home.

I have to have my previous marriage annulled before I can be fully received into the Church, but I have been met with nothing but kindness from the priests, nuns, and parishioners. Part of the process involved a meeting with our priest and giving him a very detailed description of my childhood and early adult years. It wasn’t easy for me, but the priest was very caring, compassionate, kind, and understanding. That meeting was when true healing began.

Sister, if I can do it I know you can do it! :hug1:

Go talk the the priest at your local parish. You will probably have to make an appointment because priests tend to be busy. Once there pour out your heart including your desire to become catholic and do not fear. God has you in his hands.
 
MJJean said:
I also have a past I am not proud of. I was promiscuous, had a terrible sham marriage built on lies, infidelity, physical abuse and mental abuse, drug use to escape, etc. I divorced and later married a wonderful man who has been my rock. He’s loved me and raised my kids for 15 years as a couple, 12 of those years civilly married. Eventually he decided to go back to Mass after 20 years away and brought myself and the kids with him. That was a day that changed my life. I walked into the church and knew I was home.

I have to have my previous marriage annulled before I can be fully received into the Church, but I have been met with nothing but kindness from the priests, nuns, and parishioners. Part of the process involved a meeting with our priest and giving him a very detailed description of my childhood and early adult years. It wasn’t easy for me, but the priest was very caring, compassionate, kind, and understanding. That meeting was when true healing began.

Sister, if I can do it I know you can do it! :hug1:

Go talk the the priest at your local parish. You will probably have to make an appointment because priests tend to be busy. Once there pour out your heart including your desire to become catholic and do not fear. God has you in his hands.
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Thank you. I came on this site after not being able to sleep one night. I felt overwhelmed, shamed, and like any positive thing I have done doesn’t matter. I felt like giving up. My daughter is why I haven’t given up. She is so important to me. She’s not what I was like as a teen.
I will email the priest in this morning to ask if or when I can meet with him.
 
bisco said:
i agree with claire. ^^^ talk to a priest. tell him you want to be catholic. start attending mass. (don’t receive communion until you are catholic) sign up for adult catechism, (RCIA) talk to your husband. tell him you want to go to counseling together. you are doing the right thing by staying away from old friends and new ones who want you to drink with them. give your daughter the love and good parenting you were deprived of. i will pray for you also, God bless.
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Thank you for the nice reply.
 
pianistclare said:
You will not be banned or hated.
Make an appointment with a priest at the parish nearest you, and tell him everything.
Tell hi you are seeking to be right with the Lord.
He will help you. What you have shared is no one else’s business, so no one in the church will even know your past.
Many people remark that the church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.
Be at peace. Take that step. You’ll be glad you did.
Be assured of my prayers.
Click to expand...
I did think people in church were perfect people. So I felt I did not belong. I watched The Bible and Jesus was so kind and forgiving. It is why I thought it is time I go to church to learn more.
 
IdaD said:
Thank you. I came on this site after not being able to sleep one night. I felt overwhelmed, shamed, and like any positive thing I have done doesn’t matter. I felt like giving up. My daughter is why I haven’t given up. She is so important to me. She’s not what I was like as a teen.
I will email the priest in this morning to ask if or when I can meet with him.
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I am so happy to hear you’re going to take the first steps. Please come back and let us know how it’s going.

I have three kids. My oldest went to Mass for a while, but she decided to move out of state and be Baptized in a Baptist church on her 21st birthday last fall.

My middle child was Baptized and Confirmed at Easter Vigil 2014 at 15 years old. She attends Mass with me and my husband every week and seems to love the faith and volunteering.

My son, the youngest, thinks at 13 that he is an atheist. We’re praying for him and hoping he’ll come round. He’s happy to volunteer to help during the week our parish hosts a rotating homeless shelter or at the food bank, so he’s got a good heart we’re hoping the Holy Spirit fill someday.

Beginning the conversion process, attending Mass every week and on Holy Days of Obligation can be a bit of a shock to the system of a child raised without faith or in a different faith tradition. Be prepared for either her taking to it like a duck to water, her rebelling a bit, or any combination of the two!
 
Still praying! Hope you got a nice reply from the priest. Keep in mind that Advent is a super busy time, and they have so much to do…but they DO CARE, and he will get back to you soon.
Keep praying!
Clare
 
IdaD

You are never alone or abandoned. Humanly speaking we do feel very abandoned at times
It said by some, even saints, that when we feel that way is when Jesus is the closest . It takes a lot of pain sometimes to be led in the right direction. We have to hit bottom, and then reach out for help. When nobody is there then our minds think of God as our last resort. We need to encounter Jesus. We are all sinners and He still loves us. He will never reject us thats why He came to bring us back to the Father. The trouble in many, many families is because Christ is not at the center, and when He is not marriage is always threatened, the devil will see to that through the sins and faults found in human nature. Human nature is in need of Salvation, so do not feel alone, we are with you. Jesus has the power to turn our lives around, believe it, I experienced it and so have others. And He is the only one that can get the devil off your back. Many people are unaware of this spiritual truth, they are too involved in the personal problems of the world, and self, and not aware that it is all about their relationship with God, through Jesus Christ. Pray to Him for the resolution to your problems and unhappiness, He already knows, but ask Him anyway!
 
IdaD said:
Thank you. I came on this site after not being able to sleep one night. I felt overwhelmed, shamed, and like any positive thing I have done doesn’t matter. I felt like giving up. My daughter is why I haven’t given up. She is so important to me. She’s not what I was like as a teen.
I will email the priest in this morning to ask if or when I can meet with him.
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In one way, of course the positive things you do matter, and in another way they do not matter at all. I mean this: You were just as worthwhile before you turned your life around. You were just as loved by God. I am so glad you have your daughter. I have been depressed, and it is knowing that my sons would not get over it if I gave up that kept me from giving up when nothing else would have helped me see my true worth. They were like a light to me, a truth that cut through the darkness when the other truths seemed dim to me.

Yes, absolutely, I’d talk with my priest as a starting point. He’ll probably suggest you see someone who does counselling professionally, but there is something about having a priest hear all of your secrets, not some theoretical “no matter what you did,” and look you in the eye and say, “Yes, Our Lord loves you as if you were the only woman on earth,” that makes all the difference in the world.
 
We all have a past. I have done things I am terribly ashamed of. Yet Jesus loves me for who I am, and who I can be.
Let your heart be comforted today by His love.
 
I think talking with a priest is always a good thing. You should start there and yes there is a RCIA program to go through to become a Catholic. Catholics are accepting, but even more so, God is. He is your Father and is ever so loving. I would try and pray as well. I hope your journey on becoming a Catholic goes well! I also hope that your marriage will be opened for communication between you two and fixing the problem.

Welcome on being a future Catholic :hug3:
 
Catholic_nicole said:
I think talking with a priest is always a good thing. You should start there and yes there is a RCIA program to go through to become a Catholic. Catholics are accepting, but even more so, God is. He is your Father and is ever so loving. I would try and pray as well. I hope your journey on becoming a Catholic goes well! I also hope that your marriage will be opened for communication between you two and fixing the problem.

Welcome on being a future Catholic :hug3:
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Yet, be ready for the reality that priests a) are human and b) don’t necessarily get an education in how to handle these things while in seminary.

If the first priest you talk to does not seem to listen, do not despair. Find another. Ask God for a shepherd to help guide you. It is God who will be your rock, not any one human being, but Providence has this way of providing, when we ask the Holy Spirit to help us as we cry out. In the big picture, be ready to find a professional Catholic counsellor, rather than a priest, because these things can move along more readily if given more intensive attention that most pastors have the means to give (in time or in professional training).
 
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