I don't want to go to funerals

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RosalieM

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I’m not sure this is the right category.

I’m in my parish choir and we are losing members at an unusual rate. Two have died since I joined. Lately, three people were diagnosed with cancer. One died the other day. Another will die shortly.

I have a very hard time with funerals and am quite emotional. I know it is a duty but it tears me apart. The Church does not allow funerals during Holy Week; so I think it will happen shortly after Easter Sunday. I think this is a very unusual situation and am not sure I can handle it. I feel it would suffice if I pray for them and do not wish to sing at their funerals.

Any words of advice are greatly appreciated. Pax et Bonum.
 
Could you talk to the Musical Director? Your Priest? Chances are that you are not the only one having your dilemma.
 
You should talk to the priest. Performing at funerals is difficult. I know many musicians who request weeks off after the funerals of even children they don’t know. The volume of losses is extraordinary and would very much weigh on anybody.
 
Thank you for these good replies! Our regular musical director is ill and we have had a substitute for this season. Most in choir seem to be fine with performing at funerals – as far as I know – and I might just be mistaken about that. The director once suggested not to look at the coffin and to concentrate even more than usual on the ‘nuts and bolts’ of the music. It was easier one time when there was a cremation urn. I totally lost it when there was a coffin. Those were the only two times I sang at funerals. And now when I think of it; they might be the final times.
Your replies are helping me a lot. I was beginning to think I was being a shameful coward. I will definitely talk to the priest. I’m not trained for this sort of thing after all. To know that other musicians have had difficulty with this is invaluable. I can’t thank you enough! I will have to make a statement to the others when the time comes.
Have a fruitful Holy Week and a Joyous Easter!!!
 
((HUGS))
i cannot bear funerals either, not since my brother and mother died. My age and infirmity make it easier for me now but even year ago I used to say i would stay home and pray the service. Later I might then visit the grave and pray there, Your needs must be respected too. Blessings
 
Thank you. I spoke to the priest and he said that even he has difficulty at times (friends, relatives). He said he is going to try and talk about the joy of the hereafter at funerals.
Then I had a thought. If we are destined to be happy in heaven; why does death affect us adversely? I think it’s because death was brought into the world by the enemy. No matter how we spin it; it is a tragedy.
The priest said I didn’t have to attend future funerals in the choir but, of course, to pray for them.
However, there is tremendous social pressure for choir members to sing at funerals of those known to them.
 
Choir Director here:
I don’t “enjoy” funerals, who does? But I consider it a supreme act of kindness to ensure that the Mass and send off is as lovely as possible for the mourners and family Focus on them, and their needs if you can.
The choir, singers, and musicians are tasked with an important role in the Liturgy. The music is an integral part of the process of mourning for people.
Pray about it. The beautiful service and comforting words of the homilist tend to bring people BACK to the faith.
It’s a very worthy endeavor.
Peace
 
Dilemma solved.
The service was suspended for Holy Week, as the Church does not allow it during that time. And after a strenuous choir Holy Thursday and Triduum; I came down with a serious cold. I won’t be physically able to attend the service. I am, of course, praying for this person.
Thank you all again for your very helpful thoughts; and have a lovely Eastertide.
 
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