I feel like I cannot go on anymore - Please pray

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cjsm93

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Hi everyone, I am sorry if I seem like a broken record on here; I know I’ve posted quite a lot about my family situation before.

For those who don’t know, my mother is terminally ill with a neurodegenerative disease, and my father is currently recovering from a broken hip and pelvis. He is a high fracture risk. I am caring for the both of them.

I suffer from depression and anxiety, and the last month or so has just been almost completely unbearable as I watch my mother continue to steadily deteriorate both mentally and physically. I was numb for a while, but more feelings that I don’t know what to do with have just been rushing to the surface, and I cannot bear it any longer. Moreover, today I received another highly upsetting piece of news, which feels like just another devastating blow to the overall situation; my boyfriend is currently studying abroad for his degree, and coronavirus has managed to make it impossible for him to visit. And today, I found out that the country in which he is currently residing is extending their lock down, yet again dashing any hopes of getting to be together this fall or winter.

It may not seem like such a big deal, but I already feel so alone in this. I am not close with any of my relatives, and I don’t really have many friends. The light in all of this was the plan to have my boyfriend visit for some time, and now that doesn’t seem likely to happen either. I feel so devastated and alone. For the last two to three weeks, I have been struggling with thoughts of not wanting to live anymore, and today was just the last straw. I’ve already called Crisis Services once, which managed to calm me down at the time, but as the days go on, I just feel more and more tired and hopeless. Today, my mom’s sister came to visit, and she brought her a baby doll to play with (which is supposed to be helpful to patients with dementia). As silly as it might sound, watching my mother hold and play with this toy, suddenly made me realize that she will never see, hold, or play with any future children I may have. I am 26 and I am losing my mother. I just cannot deal with life anymore. My hair is falling out, I’m breaking out in hives, I don’t sleep, I have IBS and that’s also been flaring up an awful lot lately. If anyone has any advice or encouraging words, I would be very happy to hear it. If not, then please pray for me to be strong through all of this. Because I really feel like I am at the end of my rope.
 
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Lord, please send your Holy Spirit immediately to comfort and help this person, in Jesus’ name.
Mother Mary, St Joseph, Sts. Anne and Joachim, all the Holy Angels, and St Padre Pio please intercede.
Thank you. Amen.
 
Dont worry. Everything is temporary. God only is changeless. Patience bears all things. Those who love God wanteth nothing. God alone sufficeth.

Have you considered a hobby like reading, painting, attending daily mass, weekly confession, crochet, or joining a confraternity? You seem like a gifted person. Many gifted people struggle with isolationism and their intelligence can lead to over thinking if they are not busy. Maybe you need a GOOD book. Have you tried lives of the saints by Butler? Or City of God by Agreda. These are 2000 plus pages of great reading.
And they are free online!
ecatholic2000 has a score of great literature including st john chrystostoms writings. Have you also read his letter to the young widow? Maybe that letter would offer you some support. Also St. Alphonsus wrote a letter to pius maidens. These are so uplifting.

You need some spiritual uplifting and enlightenment. Life is not that bad. Try to use the bad to sutcher your prayer life. Daily mass is KEY. Along with daily rosary.

I also encourage Story of a Soul by Little Flower, and reading about her life in general. Also anything on Padre Pio. These uplifting saints are so good for us.

Lives of the Saints
https://www.bartleby.com/210/

Hope this helps.
 
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Perhaps it’s time to seriously consider placing your mother in a nursing home. I’m assuming you have looked into a home care helper?

To me, it’s very obvious you just can’t do this anymore…nor should you feel obligated to continue this way. It’s beyond anyone’s capacity to “do it all” in this type of situation. I don’t know how your father will feel about it but as he, too, requires care, perhaps he can be a resident as well until he gets better.

My heart goes out to you. You have done what all you could. It’s time for professionals to take over. Start looking into it first thing tomorrow. If you aren’t there anymore, this is what would happen anyway. This way, you can control where they go and visit when you can. This is a much better solution than giving up on life and your parents will get the help they need.
 
At least hire help so you can get some down time. It does not mean you love your parents any less. But you are no good to anyone if you are feeling unwell and overwhelmed. Please call some one to get some help. @1ke may be able to direct you, I do not know where, but she may. Ask your aunt if she could possibly come help out on some kind of regular basis.

It’s like the mask on the airlines, you have to put your mask on first. Please, reach out to your friends. They may be able to take your mind off things long enough for you to catch your breath. You are young and you have a lot on your shoulders.

You cannot do it all by yourself.
 
You need to contact the crisis hotline again and speak to them for your own mental health.

As for your father and mother, contact county social services. In most counties this is listed as Aging And Disability Resources.

You cannot care for two disabled adults full-time wihout any help. If they are on Medicare, call Medicare and find out what Medicare will pay for. If they are on private insurance, do the same. If they are on Medicaid, then contact your state Medicaid office to find out what will be paid for.

Getting your parents the quality treatment they need, even if that means it is in a residential setting, is important. You will have better quality time with them if you are not in a caregiver mode 24/7. You have to take care of your own mental and physical health as well. It is not a failure to reach out to service providers. Some things are beyond our abilities, and that is why residential services exist. There may be in-home nursing care available, or it may be that they need to go to a nursing home facility. Let the experts make those decisions.
 
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At a minimum, you may be able to get Meals on Wheels, sometimes listed as Nutrition for the Elderly or similar. This would be a hot meal that both your parents might be able to get, and some even will send along a meal for the caretaker. That would at least be one thing off your list of things to do, even though the food is like cafeteria food. Where I used to live, this was not income-related.

In your county, there should be a Senior Center, they ought to be able to help you with local contacts. Your parish should be able to help with contacts as well.

Another thing to look into is getting permission for the doctors of your parents to be able to talk with you, if that is not already in place. Your own doctor’s office might be able to tell you what is required in your state. This is vital. You need to do it ASAP or they will not accept your mother’s signature.

Some family friends went through this and were never able to find out what was happening with their parent/spouse because of the HIPPA laws and the patient having not signed permission for the doctors to talk with them. As a result, they were unable to assess her state or what was needed for her care.

Your father might actually be better off to be temporarily in a facility where he can get physical therapy, and if he can’t be in one, he should be getting PT at home.
 
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cjsm93 said:
. I was numb for a while, but more feelings that I don’t know what to do with have just been rushing to the surface, and I cannot bear it any longer.
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I believe that these reactions are completely normal for a person suffering the amount and type of stress you are carrying.

Like a new widow who keeps busy planning the funeral and hosting visitors, you are “numb” because otherwise you would not be able to do the things you have to do, but every once in a while, something breaks through, just as the widow will see her husband’s socks on the floor and suddenly burst into tears.

Go and see the doctor about your health issues, you need to take care of yourself first, so you can continue to help your parents.
 
A very good suggestion. I’ll pray for you.I took care of both my mother and father at home. So to some extent i can understand what you are going through, even though my situation was maybe better than yours. Maybe where you live there are agencies to help you. Please let us know how you are doing.We care about you. Ask Jesus and His Mother Mary for help.
 
Pray the rosary every day, preferably in latin. . . .
 
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The devil hates latin is a remark related to a 2015 article in the National Catholic Register. The author was a cancer patient and discovered latin prayer and it elevated his prayer life. I inserted it in my statement to promote latin prayer as an effective tool against discord both spiritual and physical. As someone who prays daily in latin I find it very healing. I offered up what tools I had as the poster seemed to be haunted by distress and is in need of deep spiritual calm so that they can be a servant to others.
 
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