I feel like i have a vocation....what do you think? need help

[ramsfan911]

Hey guys. I’m 18, male, and about to enter college at Notre Dame. I’m currently discerning a vocation to the priesthood, but it is VERY complicated. this may take a while to read, and i thank you in advance for your time…

I have the usual story of when I was younger and would always serve at mass. I started right after my first holy communion and I even thought that the altar servers were “cool” before that. My priest would always tell me in the sacristy that I would be a great priest. I remember having day-dreams, or at least i guess they were day-dreams, of me in a field with a lot of sheep; a shepherd wearing vestments.

I was probably about 7 or 8 then. At that point my life changed dramatically when i was diagnosed with a tumor in my spine and had 3 major surgeries (all went well praise God) in a span of about 5 years. I continued serving throughout gradeschool and high school, and my priest would always tell me, “I cant wait till you take my place!” As I got older, hearing that made me feel a little uncomfortable and I just thought that there was no way i could it. Being in junior high I was really only concerned with girls and video games, not devoting my life to God.

I entered a private benedictine high school and continued my serving. I was now getting religious instruction at the school 4 days a week and I have always enjoyed the classes. At about early junior year though i began to really examine my faith. I found that things of my faith seemed very contrary to the beliefs of the world and science, and everything just sort of went over my head. I asked a friend about this and he just gave me the ol “well, if ur questioning your faith then u better get it fixed because if u dont it will be bad.” not the answer i was looking for.

I kept serving and going to mass. I’m not saying that i went atheist or anything then, I just was a little uncomfortable with understanding the faith (i figure what made it so hard was wanting to be able to understand the parts of catholicism that can only be gained from faith; not science or reason.)

At the beginning of this year, i really began to feel better about everything, and then it happened. My priest had to retire, he was 94, and this was his last mass. During the mass, I was not paying much attention, but at the Eucharist i suddenly felt this super strong surge of energy and happiness. I was breathing heavy and looked over at my mom. She thought i was sick or something. I immediately felt drawn to the priesthood; something i had not thought about for nearly 7-8 years.

About a week of pure joy went by, and then the shadows entered my life. I became very depressed and the sense of questioning the faith came upon me. It was the worst it had ever been. I found myself hardly able to attend mass, and when I did i always left upset because I felt like I shouldnt have been there. This went on for nearly a month.

That was about 5 months ago. Since then, those feelings have almost totally gone away, but I still, at times, feel like i’m having a sort of “attack” on my faith. This mainly happens during prayer, but not the rosary. I feel at peace then. I also feel at peace before the blessed sacrament. It also happens, like now, when I am trying to talk to someone about it. Very strange and sometimes very disturbing.

But about my vocation. I have gone through countless ideas of what to do with my life and i am only at peace thinking about religious life. I just sometimes get this strong urge to give everything away and just “be.” I have also greatly changed in my ideas of what life is for and on the evils of materialism and media. I feel like i have a good hold on my life, and I want to give my life to God. I just am not sure that He needs me as a priest. I am somewhat of an intellectual and reasoning and I feel that Satan is using those to manipulate me into forgeting my call. But at times I feel like I must be called.

Please respond with any ideas, comments, similar experiences, etc. Thank all of you and God bless!

p.s. thanks for reading such a loooooooong story.

 

[puzzleannie]

I think if you are discerning a vocation you should first speak to a priest who knows you well, perhaps one of your instructors from your Catholic school if not your pastor. You should ask his help in contacting the vocations director for your diocese, or of the order that interests you, and ask him to appoint you a spiritual director. The “attacks” you mention are fairly common, and one of the most important reasons for having a spiritual director. Neither I nor anyone here is competent to advise on whether or not you are called to the priesthood, but the experiences you relate are very common, and similar experiences figure in the stories of many priests.

 

[Goblin_Taters]

It seems from what you described (especially the descriptions of peace and happiness before the Eucharist) that you may be called. I don’t know though. God knows.

Perhaps the best thing to do is go on a spiritual retreat, visit a monastery or two, and continue to talk with priests; basically: get a flavor of what religious life is all about. I’ve heard many people who have benefitted from practicing the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius while on retreat with Jesuits. Perhaps you want to look into this.

 

[RobNY]

I understand being alienated from the faith-- for a while I had trouble with it too. Now, my faith is stronger than it has ever been.

The one thing you can definitely do it to pray. If you have an urge just to, as the gospels say, leave everything and follow me, then prayer is a little slice of that. It is a way to give your time freely to God, with no thought of any return, simply to be with Him. And by doing it, you do well what Jesus advised in the example of Mary sitting at his feet-- not being anxious and simply sitting at the Lord’s feet and taking in His teaching.

Pick up regular prayer, and try to become holier-- if you haven’t been to confession in a while, do so. Start making your life God centered by praying and attending the Eucharist more often. Things will fall into place. Even if you discern that you aren’t called to the priesthood, you will have become holier, which is the goal of every Catholic, ordained, religious or not-- to become saints.

If you want anyone your age to talk to, feel free to talk to me. I’m nineteen, and rather consumed by our Faith now. God bless.

-Rob

 

[ramsfan911]

Thanks for the replies. I have talked to a few priests and brothers at my school, and they have given me some advice as well. i will be going on a retreat at the Benedictine monastery that runs my school in two weeks, and I am very much looking forward to it. Thanks again guys.

 

[Chris_McAvoy]

Except if you already have one, dont forget to buy or ask for a breviary so you can have extra inspiration from the “liturgy of the hours” matins, vespers and all the classics. They’ve helped me a lot. It is a tradegy that they are forgotten by many people in the western church at this time.

I believe it is true that …I hope I dont sound like a fundamentalist…Satanic demons have a tendency attack people frequently especially when they are doing holy virtuous things. I say this from personal experience. The attacks may not be obvious or noticeable always but they are there in some way. Hopefully this is common sense to people that life is like that. We all have some difficulties of some sort. It is part of the struggle to gain eternal life

The Benedictines are my favourite order, they are really the only one that I am not suspicious of because they are the oldest one, for a thousand years there was no other order. To me this is a sign of something special, if you look at the medal of st. benedict it is essentially an icon in the style of the east. I see them as preserving the remnants of a “western orthodoxy” thats no longer dominant if you know what I mean.

 

[chicago]

Just take things one day at a time. Discernment, like life, is a long process. Everything isn’t always wonderful. There are natural ups and downs. You don’t just magically figure everything out in a day then proceed gung ho without obstacles. So, with that in mind, it sounds like you are already on a right path.

As you go along your way, simply pursue those paths that interest you (at least the good ones, not necessarily sin, of course). Try them on for size. See how it goes and what fits. Some might be worth sticking out, others might be worth casting off until something better can be discovered.

You say that you like the peacefulness or prayer and feel drawn towards religious life. Is there any particular place or order that you are attracted to? If so, get in touch with them. See if they have something to offer you that might help you progress.

Finally, the questioning is not “in and of itself” a bad thing. It’s only human and natural. It means that you are growing, searching for answers. It doesn’t have to be fought or fixed. It just has to be worked and struggled through in faith. Afterall, there will always be questions and frustrations in life. It never entirely disappears.

 

[Kevin42]

But about my vocation. I have gone through countless ideas of what to do with my life and i am only at peace thinking about religious life.

While discerment of course must continue, I think that this statement is a very good reason to start seriously considering the priesthood. If when you pray, you only feel at peace when thinking about the religious life, that is certainly something that I would see as a huge arrow pointing towards the priesthood.

Be patient though and God will lead you where He is calling you to serve Him. I’ll pray for you.