V
ValiantDomain
Guest
I just wanted to thank everybody for the responses to this thread.
Last night was another horrible night for me, and I committed so many sins within a short period of time that it truly embarasses me.
I had been doing so good, but then when I got into the company of my friend, who is Catholic (but not a good one), then it seemed to go downhill. My friend curses, uses the Lordās name in vain, lusts, takes pride in his lust, regards religion as overemphasized (yet attends weekly Mass only because his folks require him to), and last night told a couple of jokes which blasphemed Christ Jesus - and I, even though I found the jokes offensive, chuckled nervouslyā¦almost approvingly.
I lose hope too easily. All morning I have been asking Christ to forgive me, and yet because I cannot forgive myself for the insult which Iāve done against God then I do not feel as if Christ has yet forgiven me. I feel as if God is ready to say, āThatās it! I give up! Youāre hopeless!ā
Sin is a bad habit, and itās the worst habit Iāve developed in my life. Never before did I ever feel the need to regulate myself, and never before did I give much consideration to God except when I needed something. But now when I want to love God and be a good Christian, I fail, because sinning is in my blood. Itās so much easier for me to lust than to redirect my thoughts or eyes elsewhere; itās so much easier for me to lie and look good in the eyes of men at the cost of disregarding Truth; itās so much easier for me to be a glutton and overeat or overspend on frivolous thingsā¦because itās what Iāve done all my life, practically.
I spend a lot of my time on forums defending the faith, arguing principles for the faith, and reading books by Augustine, or my Bible, or other religious material - and yet none of it appears to have sunk in yet: itās like my mind just doesnāt āget it.ā Iāve prayed the Act of Contrition so many times within the past couple of weeks that I begin to wonder if God doesnāt despise the prayer, or despise me saying it, because itās obvious that there are some phrases, and some words, which just havenāt bore much fruit. Actions do speak louder than words.
At any rate, since I am feeling hopeless and helpless yet again, I decided to return to this thread and read some of the responses again, and many of them warmed my heart, have brought me back to reality somewhat, and have help. I just pray that I can overcome myself. My same friend and I are planning to go out Friday night, and Iām going to need all the spiritual strength I can muster not to relapse back to what happened last night.
Last night was another horrible night for me, and I committed so many sins within a short period of time that it truly embarasses me.
I had been doing so good, but then when I got into the company of my friend, who is Catholic (but not a good one), then it seemed to go downhill. My friend curses, uses the Lordās name in vain, lusts, takes pride in his lust, regards religion as overemphasized (yet attends weekly Mass only because his folks require him to), and last night told a couple of jokes which blasphemed Christ Jesus - and I, even though I found the jokes offensive, chuckled nervouslyā¦almost approvingly. I lose hope too easily. All morning I have been asking Christ to forgive me, and yet because I cannot forgive myself for the insult which Iāve done against God then I do not feel as if Christ has yet forgiven me. I feel as if God is ready to say, āThatās it! I give up! Youāre hopeless!ā
Sin is a bad habit, and itās the worst habit Iāve developed in my life. Never before did I ever feel the need to regulate myself, and never before did I give much consideration to God except when I needed something. But now when I want to love God and be a good Christian, I fail, because sinning is in my blood. Itās so much easier for me to lust than to redirect my thoughts or eyes elsewhere; itās so much easier for me to lie and look good in the eyes of men at the cost of disregarding Truth; itās so much easier for me to be a glutton and overeat or overspend on frivolous thingsā¦because itās what Iāve done all my life, practically.
I spend a lot of my time on forums defending the faith, arguing principles for the faith, and reading books by Augustine, or my Bible, or other religious material - and yet none of it appears to have sunk in yet: itās like my mind just doesnāt āget it.ā Iāve prayed the Act of Contrition so many times within the past couple of weeks that I begin to wonder if God doesnāt despise the prayer, or despise me saying it, because itās obvious that there are some phrases, and some words, which just havenāt bore much fruit. Actions do speak louder than words.
At any rate, since I am feeling hopeless and helpless yet again, I decided to return to this thread and read some of the responses again, and many of them warmed my heart, have brought me back to reality somewhat, and have help. I just pray that I can overcome myself. My same friend and I are planning to go out Friday night, and Iām going to need all the spiritual strength I can muster not to relapse back to what happened last night.
You need to find yourself a spiritual director! Talk to a priest, even if you arenāt Catholic. Pray without ceasing, even if all youāre capable of is dragging your body in and out of bed. Offer it up; Iāll remember you in my prayers.
