I have a girlfriend who I have wanted to marry but sometimes I think about the possibility of being a priest. What should I do?

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I have never really wanted to be a priest. People have asked me about it But I have always known I’ve wanted a family and to get married. When I went to college last year I was praying at adoration about my vocation and I looked up and saw a girl from some of my classes going to confession and I suddenly felt a very strong urge to talk to her. Now we have been dating for over a year and I have thought she is the girl i am supposed to marry since a month into dating. We both feel this way and we both know we have to wait for us to finish school before we should get married. The last few days now I have felt depressed with the thought that maybe I’m going to have to break up with her. Maybe I’m called to something else like the priesthood. Breaking up doesn’t make sense as our relationship has been beautiful and we’ve both been to each other’s family’s many times. I love this girl so much. But the priesthood thing has been starting to bother me and the last few days Its made me sick. I feel like I would feel miserable if I had to lose her and I do not want to be a priest. Ive wanted to start a good catholic family all of my life, yet the thought keeps coming. I’m not able to get my mind off of it despite trying. It’s making me sick I have a headache and little appetite. I’ve been reading threads on the forums and have seen something about scruples or OCD which I have looked into and that may be what this is. I really just want to follow god but I feel like that would be impossible if he wants me to be a priest for many reasons. I was hoping that some of you may be able to shed some light on my situation with what you have gone through and send prayers my way for myself and my girlfriend whom I love and I do not want to hurt with what happens.

I’m sorry that was really long but I felt like I needed to get that off my chest. I’ve talked with her, my mom, and am scheduling an appointment with the head priest at my campus ministry for when I am back from break. Thanks guys
 
Couple of things:

1.) Which vocation could you not live without?

2.) It seems, as of now, you do not have peace with the thought of becoming a priest. Lack of peace is most likely an indicator that you are not called to that vocation, as of now that is.
 
I don’t think I could live without marriage. I get sad at the thought of being alone with the priesthood. I also think it would be nearly impossible for me to remain celibate.

That is how I’ve been thinking too, but my mind keeps going to the thoughts of being a priest so I’m not sure if it’s a call or just a way of making me sad
 
AugustTherese said:
2.) It seems, as of now, you do not have peace with the thought of becoming a priest. Lack of peace is most likely an indicator that you are not called to that vocation, as of now that is.
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This is a very important point.

I think it’s great that you plan on meeting with the priest at your school. He will be in the best position to guide you in this matter.
 
Jlr510 said:
I also think it would be nearly impossible for me to remain celibate.
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I do not want to be the one to tell you what God’s will is for you. However, what I quoted from you is important self-knowledge you have displayed in which I would presume almost any spiritual director informing you as an indication of you not being called to the priesthood. But, God works in mysterious ways. I would suggest getting a spiritual director, if you do not have one, if you continue to struggle with the discernment of vocations. I was in almost the exact same position you are in now, and it took me almost two years to figure out my vocation. Be patient, be open to Our Lord and Our Lady, avoid rash decisions, and maybe you might want to attend a retreat for discerning the priesthood to confirm your calling, whether that is to the priesthood, or to marriage.
 
Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. This is part of why I sometimes am wondering if I have scruples because there are many instances where I Overthink things like this. This has been the worst though. I come up with a lot of reasons for my thoughts like maybe it’s because I’m in such a great relationship I think I can’t stay celibate or I want to marry her so I can’t break up with her. Or why am I feeling so down about this it it were what god really wanted. But thank you for your advice. It is helping me feel better about how I am going about this
 
Jlr510 said:
Thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. This is part of why I sometimes am wondering if I have scruples because there are many instances where I Overthink things like this. This has been the worst though. I come up with a lot of reasons for my thoughts like maybe it’s because I’m in such a great relationship I think I can’t stay celibate or I want to marry her so I can’t break up with her. Or why am I feeling so down about this it it were what god really wanted. But thank you for your advice. It is helping me feel better about how I am going about this
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You’re most welcome. It seems as if the Evil One is working hard on you trying to disrupt a good thing you have going. I am no expert, and definitnitily not a spritual director, but I would suggest to open your heart and lift it up to God during the Our Father prayer during Holy Mass, especially when we petition Him to ‘lead us not into temptation and deliver us from evil’, and even more during the Embolism: “Deliver us, Lord, we pray, from every evil, graciously grant peace in our days, that, by the help of your mercy, we may be always free from sin and safe from all distress, as we await the blessed hope and the coming of our Saviour, Jesus Christ”.
 
I wish the mods would create a sticky post regarding discernment of marriage or priesthood while in a relationship. This question is asked seemingly once a week, and there was a very good video someone posted. There were also either former or present seminarians who had the correct discernment answer.

Whenever this happens, we have to follow through for the sake of the information that is about to come our way. If this information doesn’t help us in particular, it can be used for someone else. Life is one learning experience after another.

That being said, just put the marriage on hold for a little bit, and go discuss what you’re going through with a “professional.”

There is always the permanent diaconate when you reach the minimum age for such.

May Sts Elizabeth Ann Seton, SC, and John Neumann, C.Ss.R., intercede for you.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters OP
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
 
Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. I have loved the Catholic religion and the RCC since boyhood. There was a time that I thought I wanted to be a priest. And I had an overwhelming pull to married life and family. The funny thing is that I never achieved either. I know that must be a little strange as an answer to your question but I offer you this.
As I aged, every once in a while someone would say, “you would make a great priest.” Why, I don’t know. But I never could find that one thing that pushed me over the line to become one. And, I always loved the company of women, and children of all ages. Yet I never really found “the one”.
The upshot is this. In my 50’s something happened to me that was if God was speaking to me and saying, “this is not for you, you are not cut out to be a priest.” And over time, it has dawned on me that I have a substantial feeling that as much as I would have loved to have a wife and a family, there is something in my personality and worldview, that tells me, the reality might have been much worse than the ideal view i had.
So, I have been single all my life. And I am happy where I am. I have much I want to accomplish.
The upshot, pray, listen with your inner ear to that inner voice, and trust that if you give your hopes, concerns, and fears to God, He will answer you - in His time. Be patient.
Good luck and a prayer said for your situation.
Shalom
 
👍 to all single people living out their vocation in Christian faithfulness.
 
@(name removed by moderator)

Could you please repost some of your item regarding VOCATIONS?
 
Thanks! That’s a good video to remind me that even though I don’t know what I’m going to end up doing I need to be in the present and not preoccupied with my future
 
Thank you. My problem is that I don’t want to start in the seminary and the idea of being a priest depresses me more than anything else. I mean I know that priests do great things and I know many great priests. I jusr don’t think it’s what I want to do in life. But I keep thinking about it none the less which is sad and confusing. I’m hoping my priest at campus ministry can help when I’m back from break
 
Perhaps help out at your local parish as an altar server to maybe get the feel of what the priesthood is like for daily mass. Maybe try to take upon a ministry like minister of the eucharist or the word at mass. That’s what my local priest is doing for me. Be sure to try and help out in other ways as in the parish as well.
 
Marry her, then if you still want to pursue the Priesthood, switch to an Eastern Rite Catholic Church and seek ordination.

I think Pope Francis is going to open up the Roman Priesthood to married men in the near future.

The priest shortage is going to get exponentially worse in the coming decades with many priests currently being senior citizens…

The only way I can see preventing the Church from total disaster due to priestly shortage is opening up the Roman priesthood to married men.
 
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There is nothing wrong with starting at a local accredited college for two years until you are certain. It is usually a good idea to take the classes which will be required in any degree program at the 2-year level. After all, that is saving the Seminary school money and freeing class slots like “English 101” for someone else.
 
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Jlr510 said:
Thank you. My problem is that I don’t want to start in the seminary and the idea of being a priest depresses me more than anything else.
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Suggest you reread this one line you wrote, and if you decide to seek a spiritual adviser, bring him a copy of this post. The matter will be resolved quickly. I can’t think of any seminary that would accept a candidate with this attitude. Should solve your dilemma once and for all.
 
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