I have a new friend and she

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is obsessed with sex. she lives right next door to me and at first she was cool. a little over-bearing and exaggerated, obviously, but i looked past it. then she starts with the sex thing. she has like 5 guys she bouncing around with. shes a fairly heavy girl and i think thats why she is so insistant on the need to tell everyone her business, because she has an issue with it. i guess it makes her feel better. shes not in it for a relationship of any sort, at least not that she will admit to. and shes an atheist, atleast from when i asked her and she said “theres only me”. whatever. either way, i think shes ok, but i dont feel like i need to hear about her sex escapades after only knowing her a week. really, ever. the other weekend, i had a friend over and she came by. she went on and on about gory details, and she didnt even know my friend!! i have tried to change the subject and not encourage her to further the discussions. i thought maybe my not showing any interest at all in her sex life would send out a flare saying “hey i dont care, SHUT UP about it already!” i dont discuss my husband’s and my sex life with her, i dont know why she feels the insessant need to go on and on. i am trying to avoid her now, but thats kind of hard living next door and all. i just know if i tell her that i dont care to hear any more about it, she will take it all offensively and who wants to live next door to that situation? i guess i just need to vent here. its irritating. i know its an insecurity thing and a self esteem thing, but GOSH, i am all empathized-out right now, i dont know if i have the energy to deal with it. i have prayed, and will continue to do so. maybe if we become closer, she will chill out and lay off the “everyone wants me” routine and be human instead of the sex-godess image she tries to portray to everyone… any advice?
 
As icky as it sounds, I’d be honest with her. She’s going to notice the cold shoulder, and if she’s as outspoken as she appears from your post, she’s bound to comment on it.

Take the initiative, that way, the ball’s in your court. Next time she starts in on the gory details of her sex life, say something like, “You know, you strike me as someone who values open discussions, so I know you won’t take this the wrong way. I like to keep discussions about sex pretty much limited to private ones I have with my husband. Since we just met, there’s a million other things about you I’d rather get to know. Like, do you have any siblings…etc. etc.”

This way, you’ve complemented her on her openess, and made it almost impossible for her to get offended by yours. You’ve stated your clear boundaries on sexual conversation, and (most effectively) you’ve kept the conversation focused on her, by asking her questions about herself, ones that don’t involve sex.

If she can’t respect your boundaries, I’d say that speaks pretty clearly about her friend potential.

Best of luck,
Cari
 
Cari, you have a future as a diplomat. Great answer! 👍
 
Just tell her that you don’t want to hear all those details about her sins. And your friends (just like you) have the right not to be forced to listen to it, too.
If your neighbor cares about you a bit, she’ll respect you. If not, then there might not be as much common between you two, as desired, and you’ll need to be good neighbor in some other ways 🙂
 
I agree with everyone else. Gently point out that you believe sex is special and should be a private matter and talking about it is disrespectful to her partners. I definitely see an insecurity issue here on her part. Good luck…seems like a tough situation.
 
We had an icky neighbor situation in our old home (not quite as sexually charged as yours, but just as loud and invasive) and her **** ended when I placed a call to our police department. IMO, having the “cold shoulder don’t-look-at” neighbor is FAR better than one who always keeps testing boundaries. So don’t be afraid of saying it very bluntly to her and if she gets offended, tough. 😉 At least you’ve set your boundaries, and when it comes to neighbors, that’s a very good thing.

Post an update and let us know what you did and the outcome. 🙂
 
If visiting with this person becomes an occasion of sin, e.g., it starts causing problems in your home/marriage because it’s stressing you out so much, then you should probably cut it off. Being friendly is one thing, but this woman has a serious sociological problem which you’re not obliged to remain exposed to if it’s making you uncomfortable to this extent.

Maybe there’s middle ground somewhere, but at least from my own experience, that kind of “pleasure, pleasure, pleasure” mindset will probably not yield to your sensibilites.
 
I have a different idea 🙂

Talk to her about what you think sex is all about. Give her the Catholic teaching on the matter. Chances are that since she’s an atheist, she’ll not enjoy “being lectured” about it and hopefully she will not bring it up any more! Even more hopefully, she will take what you say to heart and examine her reasons for treating herself so cheaply.
 
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