I have a problem with being attracted to priests

[safa92]

Hi there,
So as the title states, I have a problem with being attracted to my priests. I’m a 26 year old woman and I’ve noticed this becoming somewhat of an issue. Recently, I’ve rediscovered my Catholic faith and I’m loving every second of it. These attractions started when I was 21 and starting to learn more Catholicism. I would meet with the priest 2 or 3 times a month and he just answered any questions I had. Eventually, he suggested I go through RCIA by myself. So I started having more conversations with him and I started to have feelings for him. Not really in an attractive way, more like a “what if” type feeling. Time passes and he leaves the parish and I start going to another church closer to where I worked and the same thing happened. I didn’t even have as strong a connection as I did with my previous priest. There was just an attraction. Fast forward to now and I’ve moved cities. One of the priests at this parish has agreed to be my spiritual director because i’m having a hard time believing in prayer. I believe in it under the circumstances of meditation, but that’s about it. Needless to say, we have been having some very deep conversations about prayer and what I think about it how it makes me feel … such and such… (I’m a very logical person so “feelings” are kind of hard for me) for a few months now. He’s actually doing a great job. I’ve never been so in love with God and the church! The problem is I really do feel an attraction towards this priest. A strong one. I love going to mass. One - because I get go to mass… and two - because I get to see this priest. If he isn’t the priest celebrating mass, I get a little sad. I still meet with him about once or twice a month for spiritual direction and I only go to mass there on Sundays or holy days. During the week, I go to a different one. Its been so difficult because this priest has played such a huge part in my spiritual life so I don’t want to stop what i’m doing. I don’t want this to become obvious that I’m attracted to him and I don’t want him to be put in an awkward spot. It really is getting worse though. I can hardly make eye contact with him without feeling ashamed. During mass, I have to force myself not to think about him. I just really want this to end.

I will say, that all of the priests I’ve had an attraction to have all been very traditional, reverent priests in their 30’s and I have an insane amount of respect for them and their priesthood.

 

[Lee1]

It’s common to fall slightly in love with a person viewed as superior in some way, psychologists are warned about it as too are counsellors. I’ve no doubt that doctors, teachers and yes priests have all experienced being the object of a crush or whatever you might call it. Once you realise it perhaps you can move on. Why not ask for guidance and assistance with it from Our Lady?

You might also recall that it is a serious sin to lead another into sin, and especially a priest.
God bless.

 

[Irishmom2]

So, you already know what your trigger is. Avoid them. Go to a different priest. Go to a different parish. Get an older priest as your spiritual director. You are old enough to know better. This is only a problem because you continue to do things the way you are, despite knowing you have an attraction.

It is possible that you need counseling outside of church.

 

[guanophore]

It’s common to fall slightly in love with a person viewed as superior in some way

I think it might be more accurate to say “Inaccessible”. It is much safer emotionally to be attracted to those who, for whatever reason, are out of reach.

Tell the priest about it, and ask for a referral to a female spiritual director. God to Mass in a different place.

 

[Brendea]

@Lee1 or policemen I used to have a huge crush on a policeman

you see the preist so often that you have built up a connection with him ( we see our priest as though he is almost part of the family )
I think that mabye you need to talk to another preist about this preferably one that is older and even see a councellor.
It is not something that is a 1 off as it has happened twice before but the main thing is is that at least you no what your triggers are.

 

[safa92]

I might be wrong on this, but from what i’ve noticed, priests that left the seminary in the last 10 or 15 years have a special reverence and appreciation for the traditions of the church. The few older priests I’ve had conversations with seem to be either too charismatic or just irreverent. With that being said, those are are masses I love. I don’t go because of the priest. Its how the priest presents the mass. I don’t want to leave a church where everyone loves the tradition.

 

[Irishmom2]

So what is the plan then? Keep putting yourself and a priest at risk? You can attend their mass for whatever you think it is they offer differently, but you should not be meeting with them for counseling or spiritual direction.

 

[safa92]

Right. That’s probably the best solution. I appreciate it.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

How are you finding all these young, good looking priests?
I’m not trying to be funny.
All the priests I come in contact with would be in retirement age if they were in the private sector.

(Sorry for derailing thread…)

 

[safa92]

They aren’t really attractive. Just younger. I was more attracted to how they treated the liturgy. Very reverent young men.

 

[Brendea]

So you love the fact they love God, any chance you can find a good catholic man who is not a preist to marry someone who has the same love and devotion to God as you do

 

[Brendea]

Father Mike Schmitz is kinda cute I like his goofy smile and the fact he likes to Netflix and chill is a real bonus

 

[Viki63]

I find that holiness is very attractive.
My cure has been to remind myself, if the creature is so attractive, how much more must be God and Jesus?
I would second the idea that you find another spiritual advisor. Maybe tell him you’d feel more comfortable with a woman and ask him to recommend one.
And keep open to finding a good Catholic man who is discerning marriage.

 

[Basil]

I will say, that all of the priests I’ve had an attraction to have all been very traditional, reverent priests in their 30’s and I have an insane amount of respect for them and their priesthood.

safa92 I have similar experiences but I will not call them a “problem”. My situation is a bit special since I’m studying with religious and alike people, and I mingle with them in a daily basis (BTW I’m a celibate discerning a vocation). The priest I was particular attracted to is of an old-rite parish, the best description of his appearance is Isaiah 53:3. But when he’s in the sanctuary carrying out his priestly duty, boy that’s like the transfiguration. Even now I still say that I never hear such reverent, such glorious mass as of his: every low mass is like the solemnity and every high mass the heaven’s gate open wide! Most of my friends know it, since I recommend him to basically everyone: "come to our church to see a very holy priest … ".

One of my close friend at the same church thought I got a serious issue. She has addressed it to me wondering if I have been too obsessed with this priest. I explained that it is his devotion and qualities resemble Christ attract me; it’s nothing personal and I have no interesting in knowing him outside this particular parish. Then she asked if my faith would wave if later on this priest is found to be in scandals (I have to say it’s a very wicked presumption from a practicing Catholic, especially there’s no supports for it at all). I answered since my “obsession” for him is nothing personal but due to his love to G.d, so if he errs, G’d forbid, the base of my obsessed would be gone and I’ll pray for him as for anyone else. Actually, in order to clarify my feelings, I have thought about “what if” once, then its crystal clean that I admire him as a priest and thats it.

It seems common for converts (me too) of various kind have problems relating to their priests. I actually asked this priest what is the proper way for us (ie. young secular females) to relate with them. He said it depends on particular occasions, normally it is better to observe and go with different cultural rules, yet the golden mean is always “do not touch me” (we got religious of different communities from both very passionate and extremely moderate cultures).
In my case it also helps by being celibate myself, so most of times it is really “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. And if you appreciate a priest, then let him remain a priest for you, dont get things too personal (texts, social medias, chatting apps etc. for frequently personal communications). Its for the best of you both and most of times if wont help your spiritual growth knowing what his mother and sisters know ; ) And yes, keep praying, may there is a good Catholic man available for a wedding ring or Our Lord for a wedding veil. Merry Christmas from Roma, Gd bless, may our lady and holy angles guard you )