I have been a terrible husband

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buzzoff1031

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I wanted to post this before I lost the nerve, or lost the thought or whatever. I have been, really for the entirety of my marriage, so caught up in my pride and arrogance that I have always justified my being a terrible husband with the fact that my wife isn’t a very good wife. I always say that she’s not doing this or that and it gives me fuel to justify my horrible ways.

I am an angry person. I am a lazy person. I am a weak person. I am selfish and prideful. I am exactly the opposite of the kind of man my wife needs and the kind of man God meant for me to be. I get upset and yell when I should forgive and turn the other cheek. I think about how much work I do and my wife doesn’t, when I should simply do what needs to be done. I do not pray for my wife and the strength needed to be her husband (she is an unbeliever), instead I willingly give her over to satan. I think about what I am not receiving instead of thinking about what I am not giving.

Please, I ask all of you, pray that, no matter what my wife (or anyone else for that matter) does, I will be the husband I am called to be. Pray that I love my wife with every ounce of strength I have and then turn to God for what I then lack. Pray, please, that I will live in service of God and my wife.
 
Well, now that you have not lost your nerve, you know what you need to do, so do it. Be the husband you know you should have been all along. Just do it, and I bet you will see a positive change in your wife as well.

Prayers offered for you and your wife.
 
God bless you for your honesty and God be thanked for allowing you to realize how you act, as the first grace of beginning a kinder more loving life with your wife.

Lord please continue to give conversion of this husband’s heart, mind, and life, and also please bless his wife with the graces to respond. It’s hard to do and be our best self when we are always in danger of being criticized, and when we don’t really feel loved, so Lord please heal them both and help them to heal their marriage, to live in unity, love, and peace. Help them both to work at being a good wife, and a good husband.

Life is a journey. It just takes longer for some of us to become who we want and need to be.
Best wishes,
Trish
 
Yes, the sacrement of confession is a truly blessed thing. I have brought this to confession. I just wanted to make a somewhat public statement as well. It may sound like a silly thing, but this revelation was not brought to me in the way it should have been I reckon. It was from watching the movie Courageous. I’m not a father, but it helped me to realize that I have not been a man. I’ve been a boy in his early 30’s insisting everybody see me as a man.
 
AussieTrish said:
God bless you for your honesty and God be thanked for allowing you to realize how you act, as the first grace of beginning a kinder more loving life with your wife.

Lord please continue to give conversion of this husband’s heart, mind, and life, and also please bless his wife with the graces to respond. It’s hard to do and be our best self when we are always in danger of being criticized, and when we don’t really feel loved, so Lord please heal them both and help them to heal their marriage, to live in unity, love, and peace. Help them both to work at being a good wife, and a good husband.

Life is a journey. It just takes longer for some of us to become who we want and need to be.
Best wishes,
Trish
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Thank you.
 
buzzoff1031 said:
Thank you.
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It’s just that I do understand. My husband used to be as you describe. I was always walking on eggshells. He didn’t realize what he was doing to me as a person or to our marriage until his forties, so you’re not doing so badly to realize in your thirties!

He has become a kinder man. And some places where he use to be harsh he now deals with humor that sometimes makes me laugh.

Life is better and happier for us both now.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
buzzoff1031 said:
I am an angry person. I am a lazy person. I am a weak person. I am selfish and prideful.
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Instead of claiming these vices as BEING you. You must treat them as seperate from the true being God created you to be.

Say; I have been angry; I have been lazy; (we’re all weak relative to God); I have been selfish and prideful … etc.

Inspiring post here:
“The Role and Responsibility of Fatherhood - St. Joseph as Model”
therealpresence.org/archives/Josephology/Josephology_003.htm

THE LITANY OF ST. JOSEPH
The litany of St. Joseph, one of only six approved by the Church for public as well as private use, sums up qualities that made him such an important part of the Holy Family (pictured above).

Although he does not appear much in scripture, this “just man” (as he is called in Matthew 1:19), a humble carpenter, served our Lord and the Blessed Virgin Mary faithfully as His “foster-father” and her “chaste guardian,” as he is called below.

In referring to St. Joseph as a “diligent protector” of Christ, this litany brings to mind his important role in taking Mary and the infant child Jesus to Egypt to protect our Lord from being killed by King Herod (Matt 3:13-16).

The Litany of St. Joseph, in referring to him as a “patron of the dying” gives one of many examples of his patronage. The faithful ask for his assistance for workers, home buyers (and sellers) and, of course, carpenters, among many others!

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, hear us.
Christ, graciously hear us.

God, the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us.
God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.

Holy Mary, pray for us (after each line)
Saint Joseph,
Renowned offspring of David,
Light of Patriarchs,
Spouse of the Mother of God,
Chaste guardian of the Virgin,
Foster-father of the Son of God,
Diligent protector of Christ,
Head of the Holy Family,
Joseph most just,
Joseph most chaste,
Joseph most prudent,
Joseph most strong,
Joseph most obedient,
Joseph most faithful,
Mirror of patience,
Lover of poverty,
Model of artisans,
Glory of home life,
Guardian of virgins,
Pillar of families,
Solace of the wretched, Hope of the sick,
Patron of the dying,
Terror of demons,
Protector of Holy Church,

Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world,
Spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world,
Graciously hear us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who take away the sins of the world,
Have mercy on us.

V. He made him the lord of His house:
R. And ruler of all His substance.

Let us pray.
O God, who in Thine unspeakable providence didst vouchsafe to choose blessed Joseph to be the spouse of Thine own most holy Mother: grant, we beseech Thee, that we may deserve to have him for our intercessor in heaven, whom we reverence as our defender on earth: who livest and reignest world without end. Amen.

St. Theresa of Avila once suggested famously that although we may have access to many saints as intercessors for our various needs, we should “go especially to Joseph, for he has great power with God.” In praying this litany of St. Joseph we are indeed going to the patron saint and “protector” of the Universal Church!
from ourcatholicprayers.com/litany-of-st-joseph.html
 
Praying for you. :signofcross:

At least you acknowledge that you are angry, lazy, selfish and prideful, many don’t.

Remember we all exhibit these characteristics at some points in our lives. It’s part of human nature and it is our responsibility to tame it. Others prefer to allow those characteristics to run wild.

Focus on doing what you can to change it. These are behaviours which can be tamed with persistent and consistent good habits.
  • Ask the Saints for help.
  • Surprise your wife with flowers you picked/peotic notes on her pillow/dresser. Little tokens to show how much you appreciate her.
  • Whenever you feel yourself becoming angry and about to do/say something you might regret, take a deep breath and walk out of the room and think about it for at least 3minutes. That always works for me without fail and entirely diffuses the situation with hubby.
I usually go straight to my Patron Saint prayer cards, e.g. St Jerome Patron Saint of Swift Anger and after 3minutes of prayer and contemplation the frustration disappears and we resume the discussion with a clear head. I do that regardless of who started the ‘miscommunication’ (myspeak for argument) 😛
 
Inspirit, thank you for the reminder about St. Joseph and especially the litany. As a convert, sometimes I actually forget that I have a whole host most willing to help me in my needs. I also appreciate the thought of the poster that made a point to say that I should say that I have been this or that. I want to say though, that I am, above all, rather arrogant. So, to separate myself from these qualities, I think, would lead me back to being able to justify them. Thanks everyone else for the replies thus far.
 
buzzoff1031 said:
I wanted to post this before I lost the nerve, or lost the thought or whatever. I have been, really for the entirety of my marriage, so caught up in my pride and arrogance that I have always justified my being a terrible husband with the fact that my wife isn’t a very good wife. I always say that she’s not doing this or that and it gives me fuel to justify my horrible ways.

I am an angry person. I am a lazy person. I am a weak person. I am selfish and prideful. I am exactly the opposite of the kind of man my wife needs and the kind of man God meant for me to be. I get upset and yell when I should forgive and turn the other cheek. I think about how much work I do and my wife doesn’t, when I should simply do what needs to be done. I do not pray for my wife and the strength needed to be her husband (she is an unbeliever), instead I willingly give her over to satan. I think about what I am not receiving instead of thinking about what I am not giving.

Please, I ask all of you, pray that, no matter what my wife (or anyone else for that matter) does, I will be the husband I am called to be. Pray that I love my wife with every ounce of strength I have and then turn to God for what I then lack. Pray, please, that I will live in service of God and my wife.
Click to expand...
Praying for the intentions of you & your wife.
 
Some people take forever to grow up…
Congratulations , your getting their ,
 
buzzoff1031 said:
I wanted to post this before I lost the nerve, or lost the thought or whatever. I have been, really for the entirety of my marriage, so caught up in my pride and arrogance that I have always justified my being a terrible husband with the fact that my wife isn’t a very good wife. I always say that she’s not doing this or that and it gives me fuel to justify my horrible ways.

I am an angry person. I am a lazy person. I am a weak person. I am selfish and prideful. I am exactly the opposite of the kind of man my wife needs and the kind of man God meant for me to be. I get upset and yell when I should forgive and turn the other cheek. I think about how much work I do and my wife doesn’t, when I should simply do what needs to be done. I do not pray for my wife and the strength needed to be her husband (she is an unbeliever), instead I willingly give her over to satan. I think about what I am not receiving instead of thinking about what I am not giving.

Please, I ask all of you, pray that, no matter what my wife (or anyone else for that matter) does, I will be the husband I am called to be. Pray that I love my wife with every ounce of strength I have and then turn to God for what I then lack. Pray, please, that I will live in service of God and my wife.
Click to expand...
At least you recognize your faults and know how to become the man your wife needs. My husband and I will keep you and your wife in our prayers. God bless you both!
 
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