I keep saying I have depression and yet

  • Thread starter Thread starter mrajax
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

mrajax

Guest
I’ve been suffering from things like depression, insomnia and loneliness for a few years now. I never really visited a therapist because I myself don’t think I need one although it’s changing now as recently it has gotten to a certain point where I can’t bear it. I have a confession to make and I sometimes did things like trying to cut myself or simulating what suicide would be like. What really bothers me is that when I tell my mother about this, she doesn’t believe me and insists that I’m exaggerating and my sister chimes in and starts pouring insults on how I am exaggerating and that I don’t know how much she herself suffered internally, as if I’m supposed to pity her and be there for her when she herself doesn’t want my help in things and hardly ever talks to me and even though I myself can hardly handle the problems I’m passing through.

I keep getting evil thoughts inside my head about how I’m never going to make friends or be loved and that’s my main gripe. I’ve got this idea in my head that I can’t force my love on anyone, meaning I can’t expect people to become my friends in order to use them as a refuge for my problems. Somebody told me that it’s not a friend or a girlfriend that I need but a psychologist and I can see why; I can’t expect friends to solve all my problems by their advice or standing by my side. Somebody else told me that my desire for perfect friends or a perfect girlfriend is futile and horrible and he’s was right. People aren’t set by destiny so we don’t know for sure if the purest, saintliest girl out there could end up with a Prince Charming like in the fairy tales; if anything, she could end up with a cheerful chap like me who doesn’t deserve to have a girl like that for his spouse.

People keep telling me that I should make friends who share my interests and I do have some. I practice kendo and I’m friends with everyone there, I talk to them etc… but I feel we’re not really friends in the strictest sense. I feel that I’m only an acquantance of theirs as none of them really know my interests, none of them know me personally and certainly none of them know of my own personal problems and I don’t plan on telling them any time soon as they have their own life to pass through without getting involved in mine. If I were to pour my heart out to people I hardly know, not only would I look pathetic but I would be creating more problems for others. But at the same time, I do not think that it’s a bad thing to talk about your problems. I myself want to be able to help others solve their personal problems, that’s the reason I want to study hard in various fields in order to be able to.

In essence, my problem lies on the idea that I’m going to be alone all my life, that I’m going to pass through it without meeting anyone I can share the sad and happy things in life, without acknowledging that I love this or that girl, without meeting with any interesting people who like me despite my beliefs, eccentricities and problems.

Can anyone give me their thoughts or advice please?
 
Please seek help immediately. Self harm and thoughts of suicide are something to take seriously. Don’t wait for things to get worse; there is nothing wrong with getting help for your state of mind! If your body hurt chronically, wouldn’t you try to get it treated before it got worse?

I don’t know what country you’re in, but there are lots of hotlines for people hurting themselves or thinking about hurting themselves. This could be a really nonthreatening step for you to take. Also, can you talk to your local priest? He could help you clarify your situation and pray for you.
 
heidi_storage said:
Please seek help immediately. Self harm and thoughts of suicide are something to take seriously. Don’t wait for things to get worse; there is nothing wrong with getting help for your state of mind! If your body hurt chronically, wouldn’t you try to get it treated before it got worse?

I don’t know what country you’re in, but there are lots of hotlines for people hurting themselves or thinking about hurting themselves. This could be a really nonthreatening step for you to take. Also, can you talk to your local priest? He could help you clarify your situation and pray for you.
Click to expand...
i agree. as for reaching out to make friends; it can be very hard. i’m not very good at it myself. i’m a great acquaintance though. but i had a strange penance to do once. so something nice for someone who was a stranger. i can be really shy sometimes so i did something nice for a coworker i didn’t really know. i made her some food. and now we are friends. so she’s my really good friend. another lady is my friend. and one other is like a distant friend. i have 3 friends. we all worked together. so maybe you could do something nice and unexpected for somebody and it might grow from there like it did for me.😉
good luck and God bless
 
You sound a lot like me; maybe you feel that you are not allowed to have friends because you yourself cannot be a friend like you wish you could have, and anyone who is not a good friend already does not deserve to have a good friend? You want to help others; but you are also worth helping. How could you be less worthy of help and friendship just because you are you and not somebody else?

Here are some words that cheered me, from St. Francis de Sales’ “Introduction to the Devout Life”, chapter 4. I think that he is referring more to a spiritual director rather than a casual friend, but he says that we may and must pray for such a person to come into our lives:

“A faithful friend,” we are told in the Holy Scripture, “is a strong defense, and he that hath found such a one hath found a treasure;” and again, “A faithful friend is the medicine of life; and they that fear the Lord shall find him.” …we specially need a faithful friend, who will guide us by his counsel and advice, thereby guarding us against the deceits and snares of the Evil One: he will be as a storehouse of wisdom to us in our sorrows, trials, and falls; he will be as a healing balm to stay and soothe our heart in the time of spiritual sickness; he will shield us from evil, and confirm that which is good in us, and when we fall through infirmity, he will avert the deadly nature of the evil, and raise us up again. …do you pray most earnestly to God to supply you with a guide after His own heart, and never doubt but that He will grant you one who is wise and faithful, even should He send you an angel from Heaven, as He sent to Tobias. …such a friendship should be strong and sweet; altogether holy, sacred, divine, and spiritual.
 
Depressing, hopeless and some distracting thoughts come from the Devil. Reject them and believe what Scripture says about God and you, that He wants good things for you, not evil.

That being said, we must all bear our cross. Loneliness is one of them. I struggle with it myself sometimes.
 
Your main problem is over-focus on yourself. Depression is rife with self defeating circular thoughts. That is to say that when one thinks “Woe is me” this thought turns into a depressed feeling which calls for a reiteration of “Woe is me.” Then comes more depression, more woe, etc. Now I know you did not literally say this phrase but I feel it sums up most of your complaints.

I advise you to go for a walk today, preferably in the woods of a park. Walk slowly and while of course thoughts will pop up, do not pay attention to them. Instead as you look around, think of the beauty of God’s creation and how He is in all things. Stop from time to time like a child to examine a rock, a leaf, a babbling stream. Notice your own breath, your heartbeat, your very life, and think how God is in you very deep at your core where your true self abides in joy. Simply walk and be aware thusly.
 
mrAjax:

You do need to talk to someone - and soon.

That your mother nor sister seem to recognize the severity of your issue - should not stop you from getting help.

Years ago, one of my best friends called me at work (he lives about 100 miles away). It was unusual that he called me at work - so i was alerted to there might be a problem. He told me that he didn’t think he was going to work that day. I asked him why. He then told me that he didn’t think he could do this anymore. I persisted - “what’s going on?”. Well, we kept talking and he alluded to suicide. I didn’t know what to do - and i was 100 miles away, so i couldn’t be there that quickly. Anyway, I convinced him to go to work that day. I figured if there were people around him, that he wouldn’t do anything drastic. I then called his wife at her work. She was so dismissive of this - and told me that he was just fine when she left in the morning - and there was nothing to worry about. Well, i knew my friend pretty well - maybe even better than his wife - and I knew that he wasn’t making it up for attention. I called my brother-in-law who is a psychiatrist. He told me that I had to call the police right away and have him taken into custody. He told me that you can never take a suicide call casually - and that police would know how to handle it.

I was sitting on pins and needles - should i really call the police? Could i do that to a friend? would he hate me forever? If i didn’t call - and my friend did something, could i ever forgive myself?

Well, my friend did go to work. He didn’t commit suicide. But I spent a lot of time soul-searching the whole day. I didn’t call the police - but i would if it happened again.

My point on this story - is that his own wife - didn’t recognize the problem. And it was a serious problem. He did eventually see his psychiatrist - and he did get medications that took away this awful impulse.

So, if your mother and sister are not aware of this severity - forgive them. They may not be able to see how serious this is.

And as for friends. It takes a long time to develop good friends. I agree you don’t want to pour your soul out to people you just met. But do establish a rapport with friends in kendo and other activities that you enjoy. With time, you and they share more and more. I’ve never been able to find a way to get good friends quickly.
 
Listen to Shainski. Good friends don’t come quickly.

It may not be helpful to tell someone in deep depression to ‘bear his cross’ or that he’s too self-focused. He already feels bad enough.
 
Sailor_Kenshin said:
Listen to Shainski. Good friends don’t come quickly.

It may not be helpful to tell someone in deep depression to ‘bear his cross’ or that he’s too self-focused. He already feels bad enough.
Click to expand...
True - maybe it would helpful to distinguish between selfish, and self-focused. Someone can be very unselfish and yet be trapped by self-focus.
 
Thank you guys for the response. Yet this is what I don’t understand: I’m still scared that when all is said and done, that when I go to the doctor, get my medication, be cured of my depression etc… I still won’t make any friends because I’m not interesting and few people I met here share ANY of my own interests as in any. Only my dad loves or at least understands the things I love and I don’t want to bore anyone with things they’re not interested in. I think I’m too pessimistic, am I being too pessimistic?
 
mrajax said:
Thank you guys for the response. Yet this is what I don’t understand: I’m still scared that when all is said and done, that when I go to the doctor, get my medication, be cured of my depression etc… I still won’t make any friends because I’m not interesting and few people I met here share ANY of my own interests as in any. Only my dad loves or at least understands the things I love and I don’t want to bore anyone with things they’re not interested in. I think I’m too pessimistic, am I being too pessimistic?
Click to expand...
I think you’re looking for a silver bullet when it is better to look for things that will profit you in some way, might help the social problem, and in any event will probably make you a better person. Think of one physical malady that you wouldn’t choose to be cured of because it might or might not solve a different problem that bothers you more. You wouldn’t refuse to get a knee problem treated because you might not excel in sports just because your knee is fixed. You’d get the knee fixed because you are highly unlikely to have an athletic career if you don’t!

Your depression and internal struggles are getting in the way of enjoying the gift of life and in the way of forging good relationships. If you face up to and address these problems, will it guarantee you won’t have any other problems? No. Are you a lot less likely to address those problems without addressing the depression first? Yes. Depression gets in the way of good social interaction and especially making new friends–it just does.

Expect that when you start to address your major problems, you will probably have some lesser problems to work on. That’s OK. It is that way with all of us. Addressing the major problems is the place to start. Don’t suffer the whole journey in advance–you don’t know where you will be going! “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” Matt. 6:34.
 
mrajax said:
Thank you guys for the response. Yet this is what I don’t understand: I’m still scared that when all is said and done, that when I go to the doctor, get my medication, be cured of my depression etc… I still won’t make any friends because I’m not interesting and few people I met here share ANY of my own interests as in any. Only my dad loves or at least understands the things I love and I don’t want to bore anyone with things they’re not interested in. I think I’m too pessimistic, am I being too pessimistic?
Click to expand...
Maybe.

If you love something, it’s possible that your enthusiasm for it will make others love it, too. Here,s an example at the spur of the moment: Studio Ghibli/Miyazaki films made me love strange flying machines, giant robots, and even believe in benevolence.
 
EasterJoy said:
I think you’re looking for a silver bullet when it is better to look for things that will profit you in some way, might help the social problem, and in any event will probably make you a better person. Think of one physical malady that you wouldn’t choose to be cured of because it might or might not solve a different problem that bothers you more. You wouldn’t refuse to get a knee problem treated because you might not excel in sports just because your knee is fixed. You’d get the knee fixed because you are highly unlikely to have an athletic career if you don’t!

Your depression and internal struggles are getting in the way of enjoying the gift of life and in the way of forging good relationships. If you face up to and address these problems, will it guarantee you won’t have any other problems? No. Are you a lot less likely to address those problems without addressing the depression first? Yes. Depression gets in the way of good social interaction and especially making new friends–it just does.

Expect that when you start to address your major problems, you will probably have some lesser problems to work on. That’s OK. It is that way with all of us. Addressing the major problems is the place to start. Don’t suffer the whole journey in advance–you don’t know where you will be going! “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” Matt. 6:34.
Click to expand...
I see. Thank you. I’m focusing too much on the ants on the ground instead of walking forward. Thank you. My dad even told me that even if I don’t end up making friends as I’m thinking, my desire to make friends is a great bonus. I just don’t really know what to do to destroy this depression. I’m thinking I don’t really need to see a doctor and honestly, I haven’t told my parents about these suicidal tendencies that only come once in while.
 
I felt depressed and lonely when I moved to another state. At the time I was not married and lived alone. The depression got bad enough where I contemplated suicide.

I saw both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Both helped me, each in a different way. The psychologist helped me reverse some of my negative thinking (I.e. lies like ‘I will always be alone’) and the psychiatrist gave me meds that helped with the constant sadness.

I would not have believed that meds make that much of a difference until I tried them myself (under doctor’s orders of course). I felt better after just a few weeks and gained the confidence I needed to make some friends.

My suggestion is to treat your depression like a broken machine. Try one thing at a time. If something works, then great. If not, try something else. There are lots of great suggestions in this thread. Just pick something and give it a shot. It might even be an iterative process where you need multiple steps to deal with your situation. But one step at a time.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top