I like a girl who has a boyfriend; what do I do?

[Lochias]

I’d say watch how things go for a bit, and if things start to look rocky between them, ask her out. Make yourself available. There’s nothing binding in the eyes of God where two people who are simply dating are concerned.

That being said, if she doesn’t respond, just let it drop and move on. Just don’t feel that she’s somehow an impossible catch just because she’s dating.

 

[Et_Cetera]

If they’re both happy in the relationship, then leave them alone. Trying to steal someone away is a slimy thing to do.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I’d say watch how things go for a bit, and if things start to look rocky between them, ask her out. Make yourself available. There’s nothing binding in the eyes of God where two people who are simply dating are concerned.

That being said, if she doesn’t respond, just let it drop and move on. Just don’t feel that she’s somehow an impossible catch just because she’s dating.

A lot of girls would look askance on a man who would try to move in as soon as she’s havingaa hard time with her boyfriend.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Telling her you like her is ok, asking her out is not.

I had a friend ask me out a few months after getting exclusive with my now fiance. I flipped. His excuse? “It’s not like you’re married”. I responded by pointing out that if he was the kind of guy who thinks that it’s ok to accept dates when in a relationship with someone else how would I ever trust him? I’m serious, how would I know he wouldn’t think it was ok to date around on me? Furthermore what would he have to think of my character to think I would break a fidelity agreement? Why would I want to date a guy who thought that little of me?

We were no longer friends after that. However, another friend confessed to having feelings for me while making it clear that he supported my relationship and wanted me to be happy. That guy is standing up for me as a bridesmaid in my wedding.

 

[Lochias]

A lot of girls would look askance on a man who would try to move in as soon as she’s havingaa hard time with her boyfriend.

And at least one I know didn’t. “Faint heart never won fair maiden.”

 

[Bill_Martin]

1.) It’s not a sin to like somebody.

2.) Don’t ask her out or tell her your feelings for her. No need to invite the drama llama into your life.

 

[GEddie]

1.) It’s not a sin to like somebody.

2.) Don’t ask her out or tell her your feelings for her. No need to invite the drama llama into your life.

“Drama llama”!!! Bravo!

I am going to have to steal it!

ICXC NIKA

 

[Lochias]

I had a friend ask me out a few months after getting exclusive with my now fiance. I flipped. His excuse? “It’s not like you’re married”.

Well, you weren’t.

I responded by pointing out that if he was the kind of guy who thinks that it’s ok to accept dates when in a relationship with someone else how would I ever trust him?

Were all of your relationships that serious? I would have been a nervous wreck around a gal with that kind of iron-clad commitment during the dating phase.

I’m serious, how would I know he wouldn’t think it was ok to date around on me? Furthermore what would he have to think of my character to think I would break a fidelity agreement? Why would I want to date a guy who thought that little of me?

Yes, he thought so little of you as to ask you out. Shame upon him and his lineage unto the ninth generation.

We were no longer friends after that. However, another friend confessed to having feelings for me while making it clear that he supported my relationship and wanted me to be happy. That guy is standing up for me as a bridesmaid in my wedding.

Wow, wow, wow. So…as long as the guy didn’t have the gall to actually ask you out but instead hung around like a lovesick puppy, you were fine?

A lot of guys I’d know would call that the height of immaturity and hypocrisy.

This post made me laugh from the belly. Thanks much.

 

[Kamaduck]

Wow, wow, wow. So…as long as the guy didn’t have the gall to actually ask you out but instead hung around like a lovesick puppy, you were fine?

A lot of guys I’d know would call that the height of immaturity and hypocrisy.

Is it really that weird to like somebody and also want to remain friends with them?

I would think that the kind of people we like would be the same sort we’d choose for friends, so wanting to remain friends with someone like that makes sense to me.

And if you really did love someone, I expect you’d want them to be happy.

I guess I’m not really getting why BEL’s friend acted badly here. It sounds to me like he did the right thing.

 

[Lochias]

Is it really that weird to like somebody and also want to remain friends with them?

Not particularly. Just illustrating the hypocrisy inherent in her statement.

I would think that the kind of people we like would be the same sort we’d choose for friends, so wanting to remain friends with someone like that makes sense to me.

Not my point. Agreed, but not my point.

And if you really did love someone, I expect you’d want them to be happy.

We can wish that whether or not we are in love with someone.

I guess I’m not really getting why BEL’s friend acted badly here. It sounds to me like he did the right thing.

Now I’m just lost.

 

[Kamaduck]

Not particularly. Just illustrating the hypocrisy inherent in her statement.

Not my point. Agreed, but not my point.

We can wish that whether or not we are in love with someone.

Now I’m just lost.

So… I guess you were saying that BEL shouldn’t have gotten mad at the first friend who asked her out, and you weren’t really commenting on the behavior of the second friend?

The “lovesick puppy” comment sounded disparaging, so I guess I got confused.

 

[Lochias]

So… I guess you were saying that BEL shouldn’t have gotten mad at the first friend who asked her out, and you weren’t really commenting on the behavior of the second friend?

I find the second friend’s admission of feelings to be rather pointless, myself. Why tell her at all? If she was already happy with her fiance, then “wanting her to be happy” was a silly reason to spill the beans.

The “lovesick puppy” comment sounded disparaging, so I guess I got confused.

I simply wish that some people thought more highly of themselves in this regard. She was already happy, and the second friend knew it. He only said something to draw attention to his own hurt and confusion, whatever he may have told himself otherwise. You can be friends with someone whom you have deeper feelings for, but if you know there’s not a shot, there’s no reason to dig the knife deeper.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Well, you weren’t.

Were all of your relationships that serious? I would have been a nervous wreck around a gal with that kind of iron-clad commitment during the dating phase.
Only 2. But at a certain point a couple does have to be exclusive to move forward, and how one honors that agreement is a pretty clear indication of their character.

Yes, he thought so little of you as to ask you out. Shame upon him and his lineage unto the ninth generation.

He showed a serious lack of respect for me and my boyfriend.

Wow, wow, wow. So…as long as the guy didn’t have the gall to actually ask you out but instead hung around like a lovesick puppy, you were fine?He was anything but a love sick puppy. We had been genuine friends for years and that continued. He is now newly engaged. He’s a good man and she’s lucky.

A lot of guys I’d know would call that the height of immaturity and hypocrisy.
It’s immature to not want to continue a friendship with someone who didn’t understand or respect commitment and lacked the integrity to refrain from hitting on a girl he knew was taken? Guys who do that are slimy.

This post made me laugh from the belly. Thanks much.

 

[Lochias]

Whatever, Blue-Eyed. If a guy does something you don’t approve of, he’s slimy. Got it. That’s about up to par with your usual level of debate, so I’ll bow my slimy self out of the thread.

 

[Kamaduck]

I find the second friend’s admission of feelings to be rather pointless, myself. Why tell her at all? If she was already happy with her fiance, then “wanting her to be happy” was a silly reason to spill the beans.

I simply wish that some people thought more highly of themselves in this regard. She was already happy, and the second friend knew it. He only said something to draw attention to his own hurt and confusion, whatever he may have told himself otherwise. You can be friends with someone whom you have deeper feelings for, but if you know there’s not a shot, there’s no reason to dig the knife deeper.

Yeah, I did get the impression that his admission wasn’t neccessary. But if they were really good friends, I can also see how he might want to be open with her.

Despite that, though, I think what he did was more respectful than what the first friend did. At least the second friend respected BEL’s judgement and didn’t try to break up her and her boyfriend. His reaction might not have been ideal, but it was better than the other example.

EDIT: And even if you disagree with BEL, her reaction is useful information to the OP. Assuming he’s still around (probably isn’t, but you never know!), he’ll be informed that there’s a chance the girl he likes will think he’s “slimy” for trying to break up her current relationship.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Whatever, Blue-Eyed. If a guy does something you don’t approve of, he’s slimy. Got it. That’s about up to par with your usual level of debate, so I’ll bow my slimy self out of the thread.

That’s probably for the best.