i need advice

[Sweets0987]

I need some help, because I am not happy and don’t know what to do. I feel soo lonely; I don’t feel like I connect with anyone or have a best friend. I love my family more than anything, but the only person I’m closest to is my sister who is a year younger. But, I still don’t tell her how I feel or certain things. My mom and dad argue A LOT , not everyday but most of the time and it’s very difficult to deal with when you come home from a long day. Everyone around me seems to have a boyfriend or is married. It upsets me because I am in my mid-late twenties, and I haven’t found anyone yet, and I fear I might not ever meet anyone. Some of the guys I’ve met think I’m weird bc I’ve never and will not do anything sexual besides kiss (not passionately), or think I’m lying. I just want to make God happy, but people don’t seem to respect that. I work a lot and don’t out much bc I only have one friend who I go out with, and she’s really shy and quiet. So, it’s hard to meet anyone, especially with what I’m looking for. All the other friends I have don’t really care about me, and it hurts so much bc everytime I go somewhere in public, whether it be the mall , gym, etc. I see girls with a best friend or whoever they are and they always look so happy. I wish I had a best friend but I don’t. Also, I have been trying to get closer with God by praying, going to church and living by His word , but it’s so frustrating bc not many ppl live this way - this world is so sinful and I cry all the time. When I’m with people, they probably think I’m the happiest person bc I don’t ever show if I’m upset , and I always do try to be happy but deep down and when I’m alone I always cry. I don’t know what to do. What do you think is a good way I can get close to God and give me some encouragement? I was thinking I need to get away from ppl and not talk to them - turn off my phone for a week or so, and just focus on God and myself. What are some of your suggestions?

 

[fermat]

Have you considered a calling to a religious vocation?

 

[Trishie]

Welcome to our community of Catholic Answers!

I am sorry you are hurting and sad. Some of the things you say will be recognizable to many people, and they will think, “yes, I was/am that shy, that lonely, that self-doubting”. I could say the same myself, at your age. I actually got past my shyness by concentrating more on others…how I can contribute in small ways to make others’ experience of life better. I also…and most people, don’t tell others everything. I’m naturally an introvert whom most people couldn’t imagine as one now, as I am friendly to others without being self-conscious. One of your handicaps to relationship and happiness is that you are too -self-conscious. That s quite natural as the only consciousness any of us has is our own, and yours is hurting and feeling its isolation.

Each one of us is vulnerable underneath, dear soul. And my best friend is someone I haven’t actually met. We have long corresponded on spiritual and sometimes personal matters and understand each other better than has occurred with anyone. I have a friend I have coffee with once a week, but don’t share everything. At school and for some time afterwards I didn’t have best friends…I have many acquaintances. I talk with, but don’t share everything with my siblings. Actually I understand your feelings very well…as I said, I’ve been there, as have many people, so I hope you feel less alone.

Dear Fermat, I think you kindly speak of the possibility of a religious vocation because of our new friend’s desire to be devout and close to God. There is I think a basic issue though that is distressing her and that needs healing.
Whatever your vocation, it is essential to deal with some of issues regarding relationship and your internal climate, because in religious life as well as in secular life, you need to be healthy and balanced in those things. You have to be able to live in community and to help others, even in a contemplative Order, just as you must in a family, work environment, and in the community. I think this is the aspect you were responding to, but we can’t do well in religious life without sorting out our insecurities and difficulties with others there also. The danger for someone who hasn’t found internal peace and the way to handle relationship well, is that they can think of religious life as a safe escape option which it isn’t. The same problems face them in religious life.

You seem to have a lot of self-doubt, and whatever your direction in life, you need to find more wholesome feelings about yourself, and to be able to feel welcome amongst others.

Please God you will find someone who is as dedicated a Catholic as you are. There are young men here who are good Catholics and are lonely. One springs to mind immediately…
My own sons…they are older than you and have only recently found the girls of their dreams.

Please God you can begin to flourish within yourself, so that you will be able to wholesomely welcome the right young man into your life. Unfortunately, if we feel bad about ourselves that can communicate itself to others, and that affects how they respond to us. You are valuable. God loved you into existence. Think of yourself like this, maybe. If we were clouds…you look across at other clouds in the sky and they seem beautiful, white, fluffy but substantial…but what is it to be the cloud, to be in the cloud…just misty! And that’s how it is with people.
Regarding shyness…The difference between you and the others is that you don’t believe in yourself but the others believe in themselves. They have a basic consciousness not to different from yours but they believe in who they are. You feel less, but you’re not, however you automatically convey to others that you are worth less, and unnoticeable because that’s how you think of yourself.

I hope and pray you can see yourself with more love, because you are lovable and valuable.
Warmly, Trishie

 

[Trishie]

Some relflections maybe?

e.g
Confidence in God’s merciful love

Our God, we praise and thank You who loves each person into existence. I thank You for loving us, loving me.

Our God, You command that I forgive and rightly cherish myself. Like many people in human history, I often find it difficult to sincerely and consistently love the ‘self’ that I find mirrored in my consciousness. I know that You can bring me to appreciate the miracle and privilege of my existence!

How can I refuse to love what God loves! You treasure me, as You love and treasure each unique, human person that You create. Yet I need much grace to love this betrayer of my true being and purpose, myself! I betray Your loving creation of me by failing to be fully ‘the person I am created to be’ , and by failing in gratitude for the gift of myself.

You love each person so much that it led to the incarnation of Your divine Son, and to His redemption of humankind. Jesus is Your response to my betrayal of my destiny and me. Yet frequently I am unconvinced or indifferent before these astounding gifts of divine love for me and for every person!

Please give me grace to value each person, and my own life, as Your beloved and eternal gift. Inspire me with faith and gratitude for the gift of myself, for the lives of dear ones and of all people. Grant that these human gifts are shaped by Your love to become everlasting gifts to You, and through You, eternal gifts to each other person.

Through Jesus, You taught us that cheerful, loving mutual service of others leads to fulfilment of Your creative will. Therefore, give me grace to faithfully say ‘yes’ to Your loving purpose by active respect and charity to others and me. Delight Yourself in me by forming me into the unselfish, joyful, helpful and prayerful person You dreamed me to be for You and others’ souls for time and eternity.

** ‘Love others…as yourself’**

Jesus when You command us to love others as ourselves, You require something more challenging than simply to “love others.” The embedded touchstone in that command is “love your self.” Help us therefore not to be uncharitable to ourselves.

Many people lack proper self-esteem, making it difficult for them to genuinely value others. However, Scripture exhorts, “value yourself at your proper worth. Who can justify a man who runs himself down, or respect a man who despises himself.”* [Ecclesiasticus 10:28-29] If we do fail to love ourselves correctly, we cannot accept God’s love. Let us never imagine ourselves hidden from Your mercy: ‘“Can anyone hide in a dark corner without my seeing him?’ asks the Lord.” *[Jeremiah 23-24]

The concept of rightly loving oneself in order to love others as God’s precious children may be confused with the selfishness that ruins unselfish self-love. It requires us to reject negative self-talk and responses. “If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be good?” [Ecclesiasticus 14:3].

Growth in Christian self-love is facilitated by *“filling your mind with everything that is true, everything that is noble, and everything that is pure and good” *[Philippians 4:8] and serving “in works of love.” It is allowing the Spirit to direct your life and then “you will be in no danger of yielding to self-indulgence. What the Spirit brings is…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control.” [Galatians 5:13, 16, 26, 22-23]

Jesus, help us to fittingly love ourselves. You do not wish us to disparage ourselves but to see ourselves as loved, forgiven children of God. A poor self-image may compare to our perception of ‘clouds’. To observers, clouds appear to be impressive, substantial and tangible. However, within themselves the clouds seem damp, insubstantial and misty.

Jesus, let us not belittle ourselves in comparison to others because of our personal uncertainties and inadequacies. Let us live in sincere acceptance of self, that unique gift of Your creative love. help us to see ourselves as loved children of God. Jesus, help me to know that You really love me so that I can love You and love others truly.

 

[benidict]

I need some help, because I am not happy and don’t know what to do. I feel soo lonely; I don’t feel like I connect with anyone or have a best friend. I love my family more than anything, but the only person I’m closest to is my sister who is a year younger. But, I still don’t tell her how I feel or certain things. My mom and dad argue A LOT , not everyday but most of the time and it’s very difficult to deal with when you come home from a long day. Everyone around me seems to have a boyfriend or is married. It upsets me because I am in my mid-late twenties, and I haven’t found anyone yet, and I fear I might not ever meet anyone. Some of the guys I’ve met think I’m weird bc I’ve never and will not do anything sexual besides kiss (not passionately), or think I’m lying. I just want to make God happy, but people don’t seem to respect that. I work a lot and don’t out much bc I only have one friend who I go out with, and she’s really shy and quiet. So, it’s hard to meet anyone, especially with what I’m looking for. All the other friends I have don’t really care about me, and it hurts so much bc everytime I go somewhere in public, whether it be the mall , gym, etc. I see girls with a best friend or whoever they are and they always look so happy. I wish I had a best friend but I don’t. Also, I have been trying to get closer with God by praying, going to church and living by His word , but it’s so frustrating bc not many ppl live this way - this world is so sinful and I cry all the time. When I’m with people, they probably think I’m the happiest person bc I don’t ever show if I’m upset , and I always do try to be happy but deep down and when I’m alone I always cry. I don’t know what to do. What do you think is a good way I can get close to God and give me some encouragement? I was thinking I need to get away from ppl and not talk to them - turn off my phone for a week or so, and just focus on God and myself. What are some of your suggestions?

My dear. Have you ever thought of volunteering? I am sure your Parish has many many areas you could contribute in. This is how I met some of my most dearest Catholic friends. Take your shy friend too! You both will fit in, and both make lots of friends. And it is a great way to meet someone of quality of the opposite sex. If you are a virgin, stay that way. I cannot emphasize that enough. dont cave to peer pressure. You have a gift. I applaud you. Wait till you are married. This could really help you alot, and be a turning point in your life. And you are serving God and your neighbors. In so doing, you are fulfilling God requirements. Dont shut yourself away. Its not healthy or productive. You need to be with Gods people, and your shy friend needs you too. We are called to LOVE one another. Peace, and I shall pray for you. You really are not as alone as you think. We are all just a messge away at CAF. :hug1:

 

[Catholic1954]

Is it possible for you and your sister to move out of your parents home and maybe share an apartment together? At the mid-twenties time of your life, you should be out on your own and making more of your day to day decisions. I’m sorry that your parents don’t seem to get along, but that is their problem; you need to start your own life.

 

[francisca]

Is it possible for you and your sister to move out of your parents home and maybe share an apartment together? At the mid-twenties time of your life, you should be out on your own and making more of your day to day decisions. I’m sorry that your parents don’t seem to get along, but that is their problem; you need to start your own life.

I think this is a very good advice.

On top of that you may begin to do the things you always want to do. Do not worry about what/ how other people do it. You are entitled to live in your own good way. And if you wish for a husband, ask God for it. He surely have prepared one for you.

I remember Jim Carrey in one of the Oprah Shows said (not the exact words, I can only recall the content of what he said) that women should not worry about getting a man, and moreover, the good one, because God is a god of abundance who created niagara falls and the whole universe. To doubt that He can find us a good match is to doubt His abundance and His power.

Meanwhile, don’t forget to wear your lipstick dear…