Dear Maggie,
First of all, congrats on being a new aunt! I LOVE being one to my precious niece, Ella Grace.
My brother found himself in the position you now describe. In a moment of temptation and college-fraternity craziness, he made a mistake of judgement that ultimately resulted in the conception of my baby niece.
My parents and siblings that still live in the medium-sized Kansas town where we all grew up are very well-known in the Catholic community. My dad has been president of the pastoral council for years; Mom is on a variety of volunteer committees within the parish; both have taught CCD for the last 23 years. My younger sisters still sing in the choir, one of them leads the Youth CORE liturgy team, the other volunteers her time for the pro-life team within the parish.
When my brother announced his newfound fatherhood, it came as quite a shock. While my parents embraced their still-growing grandchild, they were very worried about my brother’s soul and the unexpected choices he made while away at school. My mother received very nasty comments from fellow parishoners, some of whom couldn’t seem to conceal their excitement that a member of our family had been “shamed.” It was rather unbelievable. Here was my brother, a college junior, full scholarship to his chosen university, gregarious, hilarious, faithful (yet still a sinner, as we all are), a well-practiced missionary who spent each summer in South American countries, giving his time freely to better their communities. He clearly has a good heart and simply fell into acting upon temptation. No one bothered to comment on the fact that he never considered giving his daughter up or aborting her, he simply took responsibility. Our younger sisters had to deal with comments such as, “Guess your family isn’t so perfect after all. Your brother is going to hell.” This at a Catholic high school! Nice. Especially considering my brother RAN to the confessional and received the mercy and forgiveness of Jesus immediately following his sin.
This “mistake” of my brother’s turned out to be life-changing and soul-changing for him. He decided he had grown lukewarm in the college enviornment and needed a change of structure. He took a break from school and joined the marines, becoming a nuclear-biological-chemical specialist. He went back to school and he now speaks at “True Love Waits” seminars to high school students, imploring young people to respect their bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit and save themselves for marriage and a committed, covenantal relationship. He also speaks about the healing one can find in the sacrament of reconciliation. My brother works sometimes 80 hours a week, just so he can meet the demands of his tuition, living expenses and care for his daughter.
My neice is a precious part of our family. Even though I live 1200 miles away, I constantly get pictures and videos sent in the mail. My brother calls me at any hour of the day (and sometimes night), exclaiming joyfully at whatever new and exciting experience they shared. (He recently gave Ella the first popscicle she’d ever tasted, and he called me just so I could hear her happy squeals in the background.) My sisters are absolutely obsessed with her. “Abby, Abby, you need to move back to Kansas! She’s doing something new every day and you’re MISSING it!”
DEFINITELY be excited for this baby. She can be a huge conversion motivator! Babies are a big sacrifice and there is a ton of work and suffering involved. You neice or nephew is an innocent soul–embrace the baby, love your sister, hate the sin: sex outside of marriage.
p.s. the idea of your brother telling his daughters that their aunt is naughty…that is just highly ridiculous and will majorly confuse them-- “what daddy? babies are naughty?? new life is bad??”
