I need help/advice

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deaconswimmer

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I am 16 years old and I would say I have strong faith in my religion. I have struggled with porongraphy and masturbation a couple of times in the past but I am past that phase and have not done it in quite a while. A couple of months ago I met this girl who I really started to like as I found out more about her. It seems she also has a good connection with God. We went on a couple of dates to get to know each other better and they went pretty well. Recently, I heard a rumor that she has sent nudes to some guys before and I don’t want to believe it but I heard it from a pretty reliable source and I have no idea what to do. Should I just give the whole thing up and stop talking to her? Should I ask her about it (that would be very weird/awkward)? Or should I just try to find out more information before I do anything? Pls help I have no idea what to do
 
You absolutely need to talk to her. Ask yourself if you can see yourself married to this girl. If not, probably best to end the dating.
 
deaconswimmer said:
How do I just bring something like that up though?
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You don’t.

Do not bring it up. You have heard some gossip. That’s all it is. Don’t repeat it. Forget it. Assume for the moment that it is not true. Don’t make it your job to investigate and judge her.

Do not expect her to admit anything or confess anything to you. Frankly, she would be a fool to tell you (or any teen) about such things. Do not ask. Do not pry.

Don’t ask your friends for more information. Don’t bring it up at all.

Just be a friend. Give her the respect that she deserves. And she does deserve respect and dignity. All God’s children have dignity and deserve respect.

If you do discover that she has made some bad choices, still be a friend and treat her with the same respect. We’re all sinners, you know, and each of us can repent and be holy. You can support her faith and promote her holiness by being a true friend.

You wrote that she has a good connection with God. That is promising. Assume that she has a lot of good in her heart. If you are lucky, the two of you will help each other to grow in faith and to live virtuously.

You are in my prayers.
 
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Reason 8,343,912 why dating is not a sport or pass-time for teens.

When you are ready to begin seeking a spouse, begin to date faithful Catholic women.
 
I think Random and Little Lady have it right.
At 16, the ideal would be to emphasize a light friendship and avoid overt sexuality and games. Keep things as honest and respectful as possible. I don’t think you need to question her in this. At 16, you don’t need to be pumping her for info. Simply assume the best and build a gentle foundation of trust. Time will tell if she is a person who will lead you into impurity.

When you are ready to have an adult relationship, you can begin to work on building more of a deeper level with male/female interaction.
 
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After reading the answers from random and little lady, I see they make valid points. You are young and friendship should come first. And you did hear this information via a somewhat reliable rumor, so it may not have happened or it happened and could become her habit. There is a national crisis of minors sending these pictures to friends, even unknown friends. Be honest with yourself, can you truly forget about this and not focus on wondering if it happened? If you can, great! Does wondering about this cause you to think of the
Pictures or pornography or masturbation? I don’t want your wondering to cause you temptation. Pray, maybe talk to a Priest, there’s nothing they haven’t heard or been asked. If you decided you want to ask her, just do.it, straight forward. Tell her you want to start your friendship on truth. Again, no judgement. .I’ll be praying file you.
 
I’d also encourage the teen to jump into the youth group, your Diocese youth ministry programs. Surrounding yourself with fellow Catholics will only help you to grow in Faith.
 
Hey everyone thanks for all the advice, I found out that the rumor is not true and it was based off of something else that happened, but everything is ok
 
You don’t know at this point if it’s true, so don’t judge her. Continue to see her as a friend only, and see other girls as friends as well, and see a priest about your pornography problem.
 
deaconswimmer said:
Hey everyone thanks for all the advice, I found out that the rumor is not true and it was based off of something else that happened, but everything is ok
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Good. See why we should never judge anyone based on a rumor? I do.

Glad it wasn’t true!
 
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