I need help. What am I doing wrong, besides the things I'm doing wrong...?

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HolySwag

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I don’t know if that’s the best place to write, but haven’t found any better subforum.

I am stuck. I’m 25, live with my parents, no girlfriend, student, freelancer. I’m dependent on my parents pretty much. I started college very late, when I was 23. I have good grades, unlike like in high school, I have GPA 4.0, but it was more luck than studying (honestly). Recently, actually from over a year, but recently it consumes me from the inside, I’m unable to study, can’t focus and I’m worried it will be over my 4.0. I’m getting fat, I can’t to keep up with promises to myself, I don’t exercise, I don’t pray as often as I should, I feel like I am escaping. But from what? From what I am escaping? Why and what I am afraid of? I feel like people don’t like me. I’m a social disaster. I can’t get even a 1st date. I’m not ugly, or fat. Just little out of shape. People think I am athletic, because I was doing sports and I have a good posture, but because of lack of exercise I’m getting belly.
I sleep over all the time. I do minimum of I could do. I have lots of talents which I am thankful to God for, but I’m waisting them (parable about the talents). Please help me, help me to get out from that crazy circle.

How I am stop being lazy? How to start being committed to exercise? How to doing maximum and not being an minimalist?

I know I know, Matthew Kelly, get up early, eat healthy, exercise, be happy, pray, go to the mass…!!! I know! I know all this stuff and it is not about that.

It is like saying to a very unorganized person, “just get organized, simple as that.” Not it is not that simple! It is not the root of that I’m lazy and unorganized. It is not the real reason. What I am doing wrong? Please help me. I can even pay to some psychologist who could help me get out of this and find the reason. I can’t afford really the regular fees, but I could pay for the advise. I don’t want to look help outside of the Church. I am afraid it will lead me from the Church.

To make myself feel good and not depressed I have to shoot 2 coffees to have a feeling everything is fine. It is like an addiction. It is actually.

I am wasting my life. Matthew Kelly doesn’t help. I can recitate his books. I have listen “The rhythm of life” probably like 30 times, and I’ve read the book like 5. Doesn’t help.

Anyone? Anything? Please…
 
Honestly, it sounds like you have a lack of passion in your life.
Lack of passion for…well…anything! Not school, dating, career - your life is cushy right now.
You have no real responsibilities besides keeping your grades up.
My recommendation:

You need to move out.

Get a job, and some roommates, get financial aid, whatever. But you need to go out and be responsible for yourself and your own life.
You need to make some money and act like a grown-up.
That’s the only way you’re gonna get out of this funk, you’re depressed because you’re not accomplishing anything.
The only way to get out of that is to start taking on more adult responsibility.
You’re not 14, stop living like you are.

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi
 
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I often get frustrated because I have so many things to do that I don’t know where to start. I will get stuck and end up doing nothing at all and then at the end of the day, I try to excuse away why I did nothing; I didn’t feel good, the kids were whining, I forgot to empty the dishwasher… etc.

Where I started to change my path, (and it is still a struggle for me.) was to look at how often I went to reconciliation. If you haven’t been in a while, start by making a commitment to go and get a fresh beginning.

Reconciliation won’t be an instant cure, but it will be a step forward. Prayers!
 
You seem clinically depressed. You show many classic symptoms. You need to seek help from a skilled psychologist who can refer you to a psychiatrist if necessary. Treatment for depression should not lead you away from your faith, and a good psychologist will accept that part of your life. Don’t make excuses not to take care of this. Call today and make an appointment. You will not receive “advice.” You are beyond advice. You need TREATMENT. Find a way to obtain it.
 
@PetiteFoi
Thanks for your reply. I should add this info. I moved to the US, from Europe when I was 23. I am unable to work legally, because I have only a student visa and it is the only way I can live here, but doesn’t give me permission to work. All my family lives here (literally).

I have an internship, unpaid, but I can’t get paid anyway, besides my freelance work. I can’t move out, where?
I’m dependent on my family until I will get a green card. I have no idea when it will be. I’m working on it.

I agree with you. I feel like I don’t have a purpose or passion. How to get one in my situation? Please help.

@Reverie
Appreciate that. I will start going more often. I go every month, but I feel it is not enough. I’m also looking for a spiritual director. Haven’t found one.

@JackieMom
I just called a catholic psychologist in my area. I found only 1 near my city. I found on catholictherapists.com and left him a message.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to afford that though.

Thank you everyone for help.
 
Can you apply for a work visa?
I know when my friends go overseas, they get themselves a 6month work visa, so they can support themselves.

As for getting help, if you’re worried about cost, look at your school.
My husband is re-training right now and even though he’s on contract, he’s technically a student.
The school has FREE therapists for students. All you need to do is make an appointment.
Talk to your SA (students association) and find out if your school has a program like that.
Even talking to a therapist may help, especially if you are suffering from possible clinical depression…

Peace,
~ PetiteFoi
 
@PetiteFoi
Working visa is not that simple. I went through that and it is your employee who has to apply for that. I don’t even have a college degree. No chances for me. Next 2 years I have to live under my family’s roof.

Could you give me some reliable link about the clinical depression so I could go from that?
I don’t know if starting on wikipedia is the best solution.
 
Therapy might help. Try Catholic Social Services–I saw someone there years ago on a sliding scale. If you live in the US and your parents have insurance, you’re eligible to stay on their insurance until you are 26.

If you’re in college, there may be low-cost counseling services there.
 
Sorry that your in trouble. My advice is to fine something that drives you forward. I have seen may good people with potential throw it away. Pray to God that is step one. I when I say pray I mean on the floor asking God for a way out
 
You might also talk with a priest. For awhile my church offered the service of a counselor on a sliding scale. And, as already been suggested, try Catholic Soial Services. For awhile I went to one through them, but as it turned out, it wasn’t a good fit for me. But that was just something between me and that particular counselor. You might find the perfect one in an unusual place. Don’t give up trying. You got this far, and I have faith that you will go far in life. Just keep praying and believing. Oh, yeah, stay in school. A degree, in the right field, will help your money situation. You can look up that on the Internet. I’ve seen many articles on degrees that are most likely to lead to a good job, how to do a cover letter and resume, and all that stuff. Start doing that sort of “homework” now so you will be prepared for a job when you graduate. 👍
 
Not sure if you sound clinically depressed to me, but who knows? You sound very bored. This plagues Americans, because we have so much and so much time (even though we think we have little time) we become bored and think too much. My suggestion is that you get involved with your current college in SERVICE, there you will find your answer. Only in service can we find our true passion, so go out and serve others, you will feel better about yourself and help others in the meantime, and you won’t have so much time to “think” about what you should and shouldn’t be doing, because you will be doing something. I suffered with something like this for years, and the best thing that ever happened to me was serving others. Cleared up that boredom quick and got me focused on something I enjoy.

May peace be with you!!

Look up scrupulosity as well, you may be suffering. Talk to a priest, it’s free, and stop trying to have all the answers, we’re not supposed to figure it all out, we’re supposed to BLINDLY TRUST. Easier said than done though 😉

Oh and if I might add, stop trying to be so great! The Lord used ordinary people to do extraordinary things. They weren’t at the top of their class or in tip top shape. Look at St. Faustina, she didn’t even have an education past 6th grade I believe! Also, if you want to read an amazing book, read Confessions by St. Augustine. He was a worrier as well and one of the great leaders of our Church! His mother prayed for his soul everyday 😉 You will come through this, but you can’t be so hard on yourself, it accomplishes nothing. Maybe you are exactly where God wants you to be right now.
 
I know how you are feeling because I often (usually) feel exactly the same way. If I were to make a list of my vices, sloth/laziness would be very very high on that list, just ask my husband 😉 (he is the opposite, but that is another story for anotehr time)

Anyways, although in many ways this is a huge daily struggle for me, here are a few things that help me stay on track.

a) About the exercise. I HAVE to do to it first thing in the morning. As in, I often even sleep in my workout clothes, roll out of bed, and just go for a run. It is the only way it is going to get done. If I wait I am an expert at coming up with a million things to do and excuses about why I can’t go right now until all of a sudden it is too late to go and then I beat myself up over not going. Going first thing in the morning makes me get it done and it helps get teh entire day started off on the right foot. I know for me, the feeling of laziness perpetuates itself. If I have a lazy morning, it is difficult to get motivated in teh afternoon. If I have a productive morning, it is easier to remain productive.

b) You say that you are unable to work in this country yet. I understand that, I know a LOT of immigrants and foreign students. I would suggest focusing your time on learning a marketable skill that will wow employers even outside of your regular resume. For example, learn a foreign language that interests you. You can get Rosetta Stone or see if you can audit classes where you are already studying.

c) Start each day with a list of tasks that you want to get done. For example, finish freelancing project ‘y’, organize closet, study French for 1 hour, do some baking for Easter. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to get each task done and create a schedule for yourself. Ie 8-830: Jog, 8:30-9 breakfast/coffee, 9-10:30 work, ect. If you are like me and it is way to easy to let projects slide, use your phone to create alarms for yourself to remind you to move to teh next project. You will feel more productive and energized when you see things being crossed off the list.

d) GET OUTSIDE. I cannot stress this enough. Especially in the winter most people have the tendency to spend most of their time indoors. The air inside homes tends to be very polluted, and poor air quality can lead to drowsiness and lathargy (among other things). Sunshine also helps your body regulate serotonin levels, which can help abalance mood and aleviate depression. Even when it is cold, get outside at least 30 mintues to an hour a day. It iwll help rejuvenate you. WHen it is nice, you can even get your work or studying done in a park. If you can’t think of anything to do outside, go for a walk! Extra exercise will certainly not hurt 🙂

e) Don’t worry about the girl thing just yet. Once you have everything else in order and start feeling good about yourself and what you are accomplishing, then go looking for miss right.
 
If you like martial arts, you might consider training.

It is a great way to make friends and get pushed a little bit. It builds fitness and self confidence.

You can usually watch classes to see what they are like before trying it. Also, some places have free intro periods to see if you like it.

Then you have a big incentive to work out when you are at home, so you will be better prepared for the next class.

A lot of people at CAF are martial artists, and will be happy to answer your questions if you have any.
 
Sometimes we get into a rut and there seems to be no way out. It sounds like you are a bit stuck at the moment. I remember that phase very well, it was awful. I think that you just have to stick it out. Finish your degree and move on. Things can’t stay this way forever, trust me. Something will change eventually. I also wonder if you are depressed. Does your college offer counceling? I found that very helpful when I was a depressed postgraduate student not that long ago.
 
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