I need some advice on dealing with a difficult priest!

[Frankr409]

I read a good book by Archbishop, Timothy Dolan called “Called To be Holy”. One of the chapters is an exposition of the habits of priests. The bottom line is that the Priest is above all, human. If he had anti-social behavior before the ordination, he likely will afterwards as well.

I’m sorry this is happening at your parish, because a careful priest would be more sensative. A parish I belonged to got a new priest a while back, and you guessed it. You would think the world was coming to an end. Sometimes it amounts to the old clique being on the out, and a new clique coming in. It is very upsetting to people.

I think one thing needs to be remembered. Are the sacraments being celebrated as they were before? Yes you say? - Great then, because above all else that is the single most important thing that needs to happen at your parish.

 

[HopefulGrrl]

I’m curious what ever came of this situation. We are in a similar predicament. We have a new pastor who seems kind in public. However, behind closed doors, he’s been alienating some long time parishioners and employees who have dedicated years of service to this parish. The first thing he did when he came to our parish was put up a solid fence where people would pass the priest home (kind of a flag to me, but what do you think?). He’s rarely available to speak with anyone. He’s often “away” and does not attend any of our school functions. A teacher once asked him if he would just pop in and say hi to her kindergarten students, but he waved her off and said he, “didn’t have time”. I’m worried because we have an amazing school with wonderful families. If this continues, our principal will not have the support needed to keep this school going. Not only that, but our parishioners are also leaving. I believe, even if you are not a people person, part of being a “father” is parenting the community. As real parents, we don’t alienate or close the door on our kids when we don’t want to interact. I understand being a priest is not about us, but God’s greater work. But aren’t priests called to shepherd the flock? I’ve never heard of shepherding a flock by leaving them alone or alienating them. Aren’t they to follow Christ’s example? I think this priest has good qualities, but maybe he needs to be administrative and have another priest be the main priest who interacts with the parish. Any thoughts?

 

[robwar]

I’m curious what ever came of this situation. We are in a similar predicament. We have a new pastor who seems kind in public. However, behind closed doors, he’s been alienating some long time parishioners and employees who have dedicated years of service to this parish. The first thing he did when he came to our parish was put up a solid fence where people would pass the priest home (kind of a flag to me, but what do you think?). He’s rarely available to speak with anyone. He’s often “away” and does not attend any of our school functions. A teacher once asked him if he would just pop in and say hi to her kindergarten students, but he waved her off and said he, “didn’t have time”. I’m worried because we have an amazing school with wonderful families. If this continues, our principal will not have the support needed to keep this school going. Not only that, but our parishioners are also leaving. I believe, even if you are not a people person, part of being a “father” is parenting the community. As real parents, we don’t alienate or close the door on our kids when we don’t want to interact. I understand being a priest is not about us, but God’s greater work. But aren’t priests called to shepherd the flock? I’ve never heard of shepherding a flock by leaving them alone or alienating them. Aren’t they to follow Christ’s example? I think this priest has good qualities, but maybe he needs to be administrative and have another priest be the main priest who interacts with the parish. Any thoughts?

I personal don’t see anything wrong with putting up a privacy fense to give the priest some peace at his parish home. Just because there was more of an open policy before and parishoners could pass through and drop in at any old time means that this priest want that. Actually, the previous arrangement is not a healthy one. It is sometimes difficult for a parish when there is a priest change. The old patterns and rules might not hold with the new guy and if old timers became entrenched or were empowered then yes, people like that get upset and leave because now its has changed and it’s not in their favor. The best thing for you to do is not get caught up in gossip or other opinions of him. pray for him
judge him on your own interaction with him, not what others say and stay out of it.

 

[robwar]

Has anyone else here noticed that the OP disappeared from the discussion after being asked to provide a few examples of this Priests alleged mean behavior?

I do believe that speaks volumes in and of itself.

that is usually the difficulty in these types of problems. People might not have had direct experience with the priest but are reacting to other’s reactions to the new priest. It is hard to be a priest, they are expected to be a jack of all trades. They have to be super friendly and bubbly, always super social, but that is not what always makes a great priest. Sometimes when there is a priest change in the parish, it doesn’t always go well. I am sure they have their side of the story too. If the parish had an entrenched click running the show and then the new priest comes in and kabals the whole thing and it is going to be business as usual, then yes people get upset and leave. Hopefully Op will come back and clarify some things.

 

[acadiANNA]

He sounds as though he would be a good Catholic chaplain at a hospital or priest at a nursing home. A priest in our area found that to be a more suitable placement for him. Also a seminary or the Archdiocese office uses priests in their ministries. If he is not a Diocesan priest, his order would have assigned positions. It’s possible he has already looked into other options. Continue to pray for him. I know a parish council that got together and wrote their “wants” from a priest and appointed one member to meet with him.

 

[Joy2day]

So, in history - it was like this - there was Churchill and there was Chamberlain. They both had difficulty with Hitler’s behaviour. Chamberlain tried to understand and adopted an appeasement approach - believing Hitler to be human of course. It didn’t work, as history has taught us. Churchill on the other hand, realising HItler was not to be tolerated and that we were all just wasting our time trying to understand - adopted a more direct, practical, and in the end - much more successful approach to the problem.