I need to stop drinking so much, has anyone else here struggled.

[R1ch4rd]

I need to stop drinking so much, has anyone else here struggled.

Read the title of your post. You don’t need to stop drinking so much, you need to stop drinking…period. And you need help.

Has anyone else struggled? So far it looks as if there are 32 people who are either in your shoes or are close to someone who is. Make me number 33 Your asking for help and they are sincerely reaching out, but you need to grab hold. Whether it’s AA, SMART, your parish priest or an abuse counselor, you need to try one…and if you don’t like the first, try another.

In going through this thread, one post stands out. saveusfromhell gave you real life advice for a real life problem, but as was stated before, you need to be serious about wanting help…IMHO.

You asked and there are no sugar coated answers for alcoholism

 

[jenwha]

Everyday I say that I am not going to drink as I wake up and feel terrrible. But, as I sit in my office and it gets closer to 4pm I rationalize it and stop at the package store. I hate feeling terrible and wasting money on booze. I want to work out and get in shape, but I am failing at doing it.

Friend, I am right there with you. I suffer from the exact same problem. I get it down to months where I only do it once a week, but every single day/week/whatever I want to stop in the morning and drink in the evening. Also, I might be against the grain but I don’t like AA. I’ve been there and they are absolutely obsessed with not drinking, instead of drinking, and they also tell you you are completely powerless over alcohol, which I don’t believe. It does absolutely nothing for me.

I basically just want to have my nightly beers more than I don’t, and for me it is a habit ingrained reaction to extreme work stress. I think you make a choice and you quit. I do want to quit to enhance my spiritual life and relationship with God, but then I don’t want to quit either because I view it as one of my few worldly pleasures in life hence I struggle and drink too much as well. . I quit smoking 8 months ago and that was the hardest thing I ever went through. If you want to PM me, please feel free. I feel like my habitual habit to alcohol is the last big barrier to my relationship with God. I have quit many many things/sins in my many years of life but this one I battle, so you are NOT ALONE.

 

[saveusfromhell]

Friend, I am right there with you. I suffer from the exact same problem. I get it down to months where I only do it once a week, but every single day/week/whatever I want to stop in the morning and drink in the evening. Also, I might be against the grain but I don’t like AA. I’ve been there and they are absolutely obsessed with not drinking, instead of drinking, and they also tell you you are completely powerless over alcohol, which I don’t believe. It does absolutely nothing for me.

I basically just want to have my nightly beers more than I don’t, and for me it is a habit ingrained reaction to extreme work stress. I think you make a choice and you quit. I do want to quit to enhance my spiritual life and relationship with God, but then I don’t want to quit either because I view it as one of my few worldly pleasures in life hence I struggle and drink too much as well. . I quit smoking 8 months ago and that was the hardest thing I ever went through. If you want to PM me, please feel free. I feel like my habitual habit to alcohol is the last big barrier to my relationship with God. I have quit many many things/sins in my many years of life but this one I battle, so you are NOT ALONE.

jen i am sorry to hear of your addiction it is hard to leave it, a few things though

I’ve been there and they are absolutely obsessed with not drinking, instead of drinking, and they also tell you you are completely powerless over alcohol, which I don’t believe.

obsessed with not drinking isn’t that what AA is about?
when you say you are not powerless over achohol does your second paragraph not sort of demolish that idea. maybe putting barriers in the way of others trying to stop is not the best idea and probably best kept as pub talk.

 

[saveusfromhell]

mkipp find the winners and stick with them, where ever you can find them, seek out their advice, why some are advocating SMART i’m not sure, it was set up as the atheist alternative," we don’t need God to get sober".
the last thing you need is advice from those that can’t get sober.

 

[Mike_tn]

Friend, I am right there with you…
I basically just want to have my nightly beers more than I don’t, and for me it is a habit ingrained reaction to extreme work stress. I think you make a choice and you quit. I do want to quit to enhance my spiritual life and relationship with God, but then I don’t want to quit either because I view it as one of my few worldly pleasures in life hence I struggle and drink too much as well. I quit smoking 8 months ago and that was the hardest thing I ever went through…
I feel like my habitual habit to alcohol is the last big barrier to my relationship with God. I have quit many many things/sins in my many years of life but this one I battle, so you are NOT ALONE.

The last purification is really hard. When you refine metals it is very hard to get it all the way pure and the earliest refinements are easier by comparison. Good way to look at our struggles. And maybe to some extent our sin is due to habit, not that we ought give up the struggle because of that, it vexes us every day. So what does that mean? Until we overcome, it has the silver lining of keeping us humble.

My success in sobriety is followed up by repeated failures on my part of overcoming other “character defects” as they say in step 6 of AA but as we say in Catholic ranks these defects of mine are of a “of grave matter” and AA never mentions my defects that way. So a person could get sober in AA, be silently proud of it, and be failing in something AA does not address fully.

Although we are not sure what St Paul is exactly referencing in his second Letter to the Corinthians Chapter 12, it can apply to you and our Opening Post man and to myself.

“Although if I should wish to boast, I would not be foolish, for I would be telling the truth. But I refrain, so that no one may think more of me than what he sees in me or hears from me because of the abundance of the revelations. Therefore, that I might not become too elated a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

 

[jenwha]

I know where this guy is coming from. I feel like two absolute people in my head. I live in a very blue collar ****** town and I have gone to my town’s AA and there are literally 20 people there who are shaking and smoking and half of them are still drinking, and the other half are just obsessed with not drinking.

I really think God put this thread in front of me to confront my own drinking and I see it has got a lot of response. I prayed about it this morning. I know what he means when he says he doesn’t know what to do. I don’t get anything at all from AA. Maybe it will will work for OP though. But I get the feeling of each day you I am totally split. I need to quit, I don’t want to quit, I need to quit, i don’t want to quit
I don’t want to drink, yes I do, no I don’t, yes I do, no I don’t, yes I do…it seems to never end.

I can’t make a clear choice either because I feel totally one way at one hour and totally another at another hour.

If I could just make the choice to stop or to continue I think that would be a relief, but I can’t. Been praying about it for months and it’s still a mystery. My brother has gone through the same thing but he said at 14 he was trying to sneak beer into band camp, prayed about it, and the Lord took it from him instantly. That has not been my experience and I grow resentful.

I liked the thread about all time is the same/in the present, etc from a previous poster. I am just beginning to understand this concept. And am also recognizing no matter what it is, and is all different from other people, we all struggle with something. I hate being a human being.

 

[Mike_tn]

…I really think God put this thread in front of me to confront my own drinking and I see it has got a lot of response. I prayed about it this morning. I know what he means when he says he doesn’t know what to do. I don’t get anything at all from AA. Maybe it will will work for OP though. But I get the feeling of each day you I am totally split. I need to quit, I don’t want to quit, I need to quit, i don’t want to quit
I don’t want to drink, yes I do, no I don’t, yes I do, no I don’t, yes I do…it seems to never end…

Don’t quit quitting. You know that from smoking. Sometimes I pray that I live long enough for this sin in me to burn out. Not to wish for long life as a reward. Just if I live long enough then it might just be enough time to beat it. Then remember that if the desire unfolds that way, do not complain about the losses and aches that come to the old so you don’t lose your reward.

Root of all roots, from an experience today, while I was walking in the park thinking about this thread and the people on the other end of it, and what I could say to help, it came to me that I had to take the medicine myself. Temptations rolled up out of back of my head like a locomotive. My Loco (crazy) Motives. Gee, I’d rather think about all the advice I could give to you rather than pray right then for God to take it away. So I prayed and it was gone but not until I did. Other times I pray and the answer is not so fast. Couldn’t help but think it was because I would have much rather spoon fed you what I needed myself. Pride is the root. Other things are the branches.

 

[fred_conty]

Mkipp,
This is what jenwha said,
“But I get the feeling of each day you I am totally split. I need to quit, I don’t want to quit, I need to quit, i don’t want to quit
I don’t want to drink, yes I do, no I don’t, yes I do, no I don’t, yes I do…it seems to never end.”

On page 3 post#34 I said, the prayer is “Lord help me to WANT to change.”
Even while you are drinking, the prayer is “Lord help me to WANT to change.”
Even while you are not drinking, the prayer is “Lord help me to WANT to change.”
Even if you don’t want to change, the prayer is “Lord help me to WANT to change.”

“yes I do, no I don’t” dosen’t help.
Instead of that, say “Lord help me to WANT to change.”
“Lord help me to WANT to change,” will help. Just keep saying it.

What do you have to lose except your problem?

Just a thought.

 

[R1ch4rd]

A lot has been said about praying in this thread and I thought I’d relay a story regarding prayer. A famous WWI flying ace named Eddie Rickenbaker made it through that war only to crash during a flight in the midst of WWII. He and the crew of the B17 that went down at sea near Japan spent 24 days adrift. They desperately needed food and Rickenbacker prayed for he and the rest of the crew. On day eight, a seagull landed on Rickenbaker’s head. They captured, killed and ate the gull raw and used it’s intestines and what was left to catch fish to survive the 24 days before rescue.
I’m sure they would have rather had a cleaned, cooked bird land on his head, but that’s not the way God works. He gave them what was necessary to go on and they did what was needed for the rest of the journey.
God may have already answered your prayers by giving you what’s necessary, now you may have to do the unpleasant work to complete your journey.

True story!

 

[Mike_tn]

A lot has been said about praying in this thread and I thought I’d relay a story regarding prayer. A famous WWI flying ace named Eddie Rickenbaker made it through that war only to crash during a flight in the midst of WWII. He and the crew of the B17 that went down at sea near Japan spent 24 days adrift. They desperately needed food and Rickenbacker prayed for he and the rest of the crew. On day eight, a seagull landed on Rickenbaker’s head. They captured, killed and ate the gull raw and used it’s intestines and what was left to catch fish to survive the 24 days before rescue.
I’m sure they would have rather had a cleaned, cooked bird land on his head, but that’s not the way God works. He gave them what was necessary to go on and they did what was needed for the rest of the journey.
God may have already answered your prayers by giving you what’s necessary, now you may have to do the unpleasant work to complete your journey.

True story!

~
Great story Richard!

 

[EasterJoy]

I believe that it is rare that a person can not only drop the alcohol, but the “isms” as well, without the help of some kind of support group and accountability partner. Some people do stop drinking, but in AA terms, they end up “dry drunks,” just as insufferable as they were while drinking, but without the booze. Sometimes people who were affable drunks are absolutely mean and vicious without alcohol.

To my mind, AA doesn’t remove the root cause of addiction, it just substitutes one addiction which is unhealthy (alcohol) for one that is healthier (meetings, fellowship, sometimes cigarettes and coffee! LOL). And that is OK, because AA is a spiritual program and includes an ever-deepening relationship with a Higher Power (God). God can help us achieve what we cannot achieve by ourselves.

We don’t quit destructive behaviors and replace them with nothing. Rather, there will be a different behavior substitute for the behavior that triggers used to send us towards a solution that solves nothing. It has struck me while reading the 12 Steps that the word “sin” could replace “alcohol”, and it would describe the Catholic program fairly well!

OP, you and your wife might also get some mileage out of Melody Beattie’s books, especially Co-Dependent No More. Ms. Beattie has worked the program for both her alcoholism and her co-dependence. Honestly, I read the books and often think that a person doesn’t have to be an alcoholic or to be what would now be labelled a co-dependent to gain a great deal from these books.

People whose “addictions” don’t lead to blackouts or losing their jobs are still happier when they deal with their trials in a healthy ways, instead of self-medicating with some “respectable” compulsion. That is not to say that physical or psychological addictions aren’t real or different from dependencies on non-addicting behaviors, but rather that those underlying things that trigger addictions are an enemy to both happiness and holiness. What addicts must learn in order to stop their self-destructive behaviors are those very things that nearly everyone could still learn from or improve upon.

 

[monicatholic]

I was drowning in a whirlpool of a million excuses to not quit: I’m afraid/ I’m confused/ I’m ashamed/ I’m disordered/ I’ve already failed a billion times/ God’s given up on me/ I need this/ I dont have other habits/ Its not that bad/ Look! I controlled it today/ nobody understands/ I’m all alone in this/ I have emotional problems/ if you had to live with your judgments, orders, control-freakishness, stupidity YOU’D drink too.

A whirlpool of a million excuses kept me spinning.

But only one reason got me sober. My life sucked so much I couldnt stand to live it and I was sick to death of not being able to stand my whole life and everything i thought and felt about it every single second. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Mike, you’re pretty sick of stuff. Pretty sick of yourself. Jenwha is too. But chances are, you both could muddle through a lot more years of being increasingly disgusted, more and more buried and burdened and beat down. Booze takes its time ruining you.

I betcha booze ain’t done with you yet. It can make you/ things/ life so much uglier still.
And you can wait for that. You both probably got a lot more miserable years of drinking in you.

Booze is probly not done with you but you can be done with it.

Neither of you HAVE to quit. Neither of you HAVE to do anything about your drinking at all. No ones locked you up or twisting your arm.

You got a million excuses to keep on keeping on drinking.

But only one reason to quit: you’re sick to death of everything about you and booze.

Only you can decide if that reason is you.

 

[saveusfromhell]

I was drowning in a whirlpool of a million excuses to not quit: I’m afraid/ I’m confused/ I’m ashamed/ I’m disordered/ I’ve already failed a billion times/ God’s given up on me/ I need this/ I dont have other habits/ Its not that bad/ Look! I controlled it today/ nobody understands/ I’m all alone in this/ I have emotional problems/ if you had to live with your judgments, orders, control-freakishness, stupidity YOU’D drink too.

A whirlpool of a million excuses kept me spinning.

But only one reason got me sober. My life sucked so much I couldnt stand to live it and I was sick to death of not being able to stand my whole life and everything i thought and felt about it every single second. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Mike, you’re pretty sick of stuff. Pretty sick of yourself. Jenwha is too. But chances are, you both could muddle through a lot more years of being increasingly disgusted, more and more buried and burdened and beat down. Booze takes its time ruining you.

I betcha booze ain’t done with you yet. It can make you/ things/ life so much uglier still.
And you can wait for that. You both probably got a lot more miserable years of drinking in you.

Booze is probly not done with you but you can be done with it.

Neither of you HAVE to quit. Neither of you HAVE to do anything about your drinking at all. No ones locked you up or twisting your arm.

You got a million excuses to keep on keeping on drinking.

But only one reason to quit: you’re sick to death of everything about you and booze.

Only you can decide if that reason is you.

great post:thumbsup: the only thing that annoys me about my former drinking is i didn’t kick it at an earlier stage. so much time wasted thinking my life would be boring with no fun if i stopped. now i realise it was my drinking days that were anything but fun.

 

[StevenFrancis]

I am 34, a father and a husband. I have a loving wife and a 3 year old daughter, but I am suffering with drinking too much. My nightly 6-8 beers or so has taken its toll and I am scared. I have a few hours alone from 4:30-6:30 and I drink before my wife arrives home from work with our daughter. I then after she goes to bed have a few more, and hide that I drank the early ones. I am just so scared and confused how this has happened. I appreciate any advice or personal stories of what helped you. God Bless

I started with an AA meeting, and sought sponsorship immediately. I then attended 90 meetings in 90 days. Then 1 - 3 times a week, while working through the 12 steps with a sponsor. I wish I had been Catholic at the time, because I hear their are Priests who will walk through the fourth and fifth steps with through the sacrament of reconciliation, which would have been even more meaningful that my fourth and fifth with my sponsor. In fact, if you’re Catholic, I’d look for a Priest sponsor, if one is around in any of your meetings.

The important thing is to go, and listen. Read the big book, and WORK THE STEPS in all earnestness.

With prayer, and a sincere desire to stop drinking…working the steps, and keeping tight with a sponsor, I have remained sober, one day at a time for 12 years now. It’s a beautiful change to my life, and in fact opened me to my conversion to Catholocism, but that’s a whole other story. The Lord has now completely relieved me from a desire to drink, and frankly I haven’t been to, or felt the need for a meeting for several years.

Having said that, I just remembered in writing this post though, that the 12th step is “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our
affairs.” While I do the second 1/2 of this, I haven’t been very god about the 1st 1/2 of this. I haven’t been going to the meetings, and this writing has inspired me to go back. I’m going to start going to a meeting again every couple weeks, so that I can carry the message to alcoholics, and be there with a cup of coffee when some other person is nervously turning that heavy door knob for the first time.

Thank you for your post reaching out, and thanks for reminding me that the 12th step is just as important as the rest of of them.

Best wishes, and may God bless. If you PM me, I’d be happy to talk to you about this more privately, and give you my personal e-mail.

Steven