I Need to Tell Him to Stop

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ASchul189

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Hey!
Recently, I’ve noticed that my father has been visiting some bad sites. He tries to delete the history, but still leaves small hints that he does. I feel that looking at porn is wong and hinders our relationship with God. How should I tell him that he needs to stop, for his salvation’s sake? Is there anyway I can lock websites so he can’t visit them all together? :confused: Thanks

Adam:D
 
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ASchul189:
Hey!
Recently, I’ve noticed that my father has been visiting some bad sites. He tries to delete the history, but still leaves small hints that he does. I feel that looking at porn is wong and hinders our relationship with God. How should I tell him that he needs to stop, for his salvation’s sake? Is there anyway I can lock websites so he can’t visit them all together? :confused: Thanks

Adam:D
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Just be honest with him… Tell him some of the things you just said. You know deep down what you should say.
 
the best solution is of course non-technical. I would dowload articles about the dangers of pornography and sexual addiction (of which it is a form) and leave them on the desktop, in his inbox or in the favourite section and ask him to read them. No hinting, no hoping, just frank, gentle confrontation.

If that does not work can you get your mother or another to convince him. (Matt 18:16-18). I would only do that if your private confrontation fails.

If that failed, there are ways Internet explorer to add sites to a blocked sites list. BUT you have to supply a password to that part of the IE preferences section or advanced tab in options. DO not lose the password. If you did however anyone with XP could go back in time to the period before password protection was put in and do a system restore.

However with billions of sex sites on the internet, you could be adding bad sites to the blocked sites list forever.

even the commercial software costs about 50 dollars and I doubt it is perfect.

He has to become convinced that pornography is the sin of idolatry and covetousness. If he does not form his intellect towards understanding that he will not be able to use his intellect to guide his will.

He must also go to confession regularly and seek psychological as well as spiritual counselling. Pornography is very evil and can lead to many problems including violence, anger, lust, molestation, rape or worse.

general articles on chastity would also benefit him.

good luck, g
 
Adam,

Your concern for your father is admirable. My advice would be to patiently address the topic of purity and pornography in general and not come right out with something that will certainly be embarassing to him, especially coming from his son. Not that you should avoid embarassing him at all costs but if it can be avoided it should.

Is the computer in question yours? If so, you have every right to install a filter. If not, you should get his permission before doing so. The filter will not only help keep anyone from viewing pornography, etc. but also protect your computer from the adware, spyware, bots, viruses, etc. that one picks up from more unsavory sites. For a while I let a roomate and family member use my computer and about two months later I had to completely erase my hard drive and reinstall everything because of the junk they picked up. Trust me, you don’t want to do this! It’s a major pain and takes up a perfectly good evening.

Is your father Christian and/or Catholic? If so, you have a reference point when discussing the immorality of porn. Be charitable. Be kind. Be patient. He is your father and you should honor him even if you need to confront him with something of a very personal nature. One approach may be talking to him about the general temptation to lust, how hard that can be, etc.

Many Prayers,

JP
 
Thank you guys so much! I just keep thinking how weird it will be, but it needs to be done. I’ll just have to pray about it and I know I’ll do the right thing. How can I go wrong wiht God on my side, right? One again, Thanks!! 😃

Adam
 
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ASchul189:
Is there anyway I can lock websites so he can’t visit them all together?
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Yes, but remember, your father is a grown man. I would talk to him first and ask him if you can install the software.
 
I think what another member here is paramount: we must honour our parents, even if we have to ever correct them.

I think that you must pray not so much for the courage to confront him and ask him to stop this behavior for his, his family’s and society’s sake (porn uses women and objectifies and dehumanizes them) but for the charism of charity.

It is very hard to say what you have to say with grace and charity. No man likes taking correction from a younger man or his son.
 
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ASchul189:
Thank you guys so much! I just keep thinking how weird it will be, but it needs to be done. I’ll just have to pray about it and I know I’ll do the right thing. How can I go wrong wiht God on my side, right? One again, Thanks!! 😃

Adam
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That is the right! Just keep praying, and venting, and asking for quidence.
 
I was just thinking that locking the site would let him know that I know. When he would know this, he would probably stop since he wouldn’t want me to keep seeing what he is doing. As I sit here typing this, it seems childish. Besides, I looked where you said to lock it, but couldn’t seem to find it. Thanks for your advice on what to pray for! I also understand the feeling of being corrected by a younger person. Since I am young my self, I wouldn’t be able to, I don’t know how to put this, have the feelings of degration as stongly as he would, I guess. Thanks again for all you wisdom!

Adam 😃
 
Adam: You might also try this. When someone came to St. Francis (a deacon) with a complaint about an priest who was sinning in some notorious way, Francis accompanied that person to confront the priest. When the priest came to the door, Francis said something to the effect of “Let me kiss the consecrated hands of the one who brings me the Body of Christ!” Apparently, that was all it took and the priest was faithful and seen to be faithful thereafter. Why don’t you write your father a note and leave it where he can find it. In the note, tell him how proud you are to be his son and that you hope you will always be worthy of him and your mother and that you hope you will always make him proud. Promise that you will always conduct yourself, both publicly and privately, in such a way that he will never be ashamed of you. Then tell him you love him. After that, say a prayer to Our Lord, commending your father to His Most Sacred Heart. I’ll pray for your dad and for you.
 
You may mention to your Dad that you feel like he’s cheating on your Mom by visiting these sites (which he is) and that it really offends you.

You might also try putting a picture or statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary right next to the computer! And maybe one of his own mother (your grandma) as well. It’s hard to do things we know are wrong when our mothers are watching!
 
Adam,

go to www.christopherwest.com and look for his Regaining Sexual Purity tape set and make it a Christmas present to your dad. (If you can’t swing the price, contact him and tell him your story. He is extremely generous.)

There is also a lot of good info at Steve Wood’s site, but the name of it is escaping me. Faith and family or dads.org. His last seminar really focused on this insidious issue.

Your father should be proud of you. You are an awesome son with some real character and morals. I hope to do as well with my son (soon to be two sons).

May you rely on Jesus. I hope you can endure anything your dad might dish out. Addicts don’t like their addiction being pointed out or threatened usually. Know that your dad will eventually be grateful that you are the son you are. 👍

Eventually you can ask him to apologize to your mom, because he is being unfaithful to her with this addiction. It will help him restore his self-respect.
 
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Didi:
You may mention to your Dad that you feel like he’s cheating on your Mom by visiting these sites (which he is) and that it really offends you.

You might also try putting a picture or statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary right next to the computer! And maybe one of his own mother (your grandma) as well. It’s hard to do things we know are wrong when our mothers are watching!
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I have a rosary and a picture of Jesus on my computers at work and home. This keeps me from going to sites that are “questionable.” It def. works.
 
Once again, thanks!
It might seem a little late to mention this now, but I’m actually not sure that they are bad sites, I’ve just been going by the name. I’ve never clicked on them to be sure, for odvious reasons, but the names are very suggestive. I’m not exactly sure how apporate it would be to post them…
 
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ASchul189:
Once again, thanks!
It might seem a little late to mention this now, but I’m actually not sure that they are bad sites, I’ve just been going by the name. I’ve never clicked on them to be sure, for odvious reasons, but the names are very suggestive. I’m not exactly sure how apporate it would be to post them…
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I would verify first that these sites are actually as bad as you think they are. If you are concerned about looking at them yourself, there are ways in most internet browsers to turn off loading the pictures from a website. Do this, then visit the site and see if you can tell from the text what the content is.

When I discovered that my father was looking at impure images on the internet, I debated what to do for a very long time (probably too long, but I was afraid to confront him). I knew he knew what he was doing was wrong, because if I would enter the room, he would rapidly close all the windows or hit the reset button before I got close enough to make anything out. Anyway, what I finally did was leave him a note that simply said “Matthew 5:28 – look it up!” (that’s the part where Christ says that to look at another woman lustfully is to commit adultery in your heart). He showed up at my bedroom door with a Bible in his hand and demanded to know what I meant. Rather than accuse him of anything, I left it for him to figure out. Immediately thereafter, I began going to confession as often as I could come up with something to confess. I made it a point every time to ask him if he’d like to join me. He always declined, but I kept praying. Finally, one day he came and told me that he’d been to confession. I could just sense the joy radiating from him!

I hope you can find a way to help your dad. Good luck, and trust in God!
 
I’m having trouble finding how to turn the pictures off, but with names like revengeworld, bangbus and other things along those lines, I would say it’s safe to consider them bad. I’m really sorry if I shouldn’t have posted those!
 
He’s a grown man and not answerable to you. Mind your own business.
 
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Pinklady:
He’s a grown man and not answerable to you. Mind your own business.
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What great advice:rolleyes:

While it is true that his father is a grown man, are we not all “answerable” to eachother as Christians?

I think some good advice has been given here, not counting yours.

To the original poster (sorry, I forgot your name:o )…

I understand your desire to help your dad. But a word of caution… do not get into the trap of becoming a parent to your parents.It is not your responsibility. You have your own life and need to concentrate on it… make your own choices as they will make theirs.

I think you should point out the fact that if he is looking at porn that it is wrong (hurtful to you and your mom, goes against God, etc). But I don’t think it is up to you to put blocks on the computer or take any other action.

Malia
 
You guys are right. I really shouldn’t be worring about it as much as I am, I mean, it’s not my responsibility. Now that I’m thinking, isn’t it, though. Shouldn’t we help our brothers and sisters, (in this case fathers) out? Just because he’s grown doesn’t mean he’s perfect and can’t be helped…

Anyways, thanks for all your tips and sorry for spending so much of your time!
 
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ASchul189:
I’m having trouble finding how to turn the pictures off, but with names like revengeworld, bangbus and other things along those lines, I would say it’s safe to consider them bad. I’m really sorry if I shouldn’t have posted those!
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In Internet Explorer, you can go to Tools → Internet Options…
Then click the “Advanced” tab and scroll down to “Multimedia” and uncheck the “Show Pictures” option.
 
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