I need your prayers

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Scripture tells us plainly that a marriage is a union and thus the husband and wife have the strongest bond and a bind greater than a parent and child.

I am glad I am Catholic because I have an authority that has Apostolic Succession and thus in my mind and heart a link to Jesus himself. In this way the Catholic Church can help because they can decide if a marriage is valid. If I am in a valid marriage and divorce and then see another then I know I am in grave sin because of adultry. If the Church says that the first marriage was not valid then I know it to be annuled and that I can persue another marriage. I also know that a marriage is a bond between husband and wife and God which cannot be broken.

That is why my wife and I have a blessed marriage. We are truly one and as Jesus and His Church are one. I will pray further not only for the OP but all such people that are part of churches that lack in so many areas where the Catholic Church is full.
 
gjc1111 said:
There are reasons for her “jealousy” if you will. When we first started dating we went through some rough spots. She is flighty - and I didn’t understand it. My ex wife called me - again about 2 or 3 months into the relationship with the woman I am with now - and described a situation in which she was in an abusive marriage and needed help getting out and a place to stay. I cared about helping her and also getting my daughter out of that situation - and as a bonus get my daughter closer and back in my life - so I initially agreed to let them stay with me - and broke it off with my girlfriend at the time. This break up lasted one day - and I begged for her back. I told my ex I couldn’t do it. I told my ex I would help - but she couldn’t stay with me. To make matters worse several months later my ex called to bad mouth - again my girlfriend at the time. I was afraid to tell her about it - so I tried to cover it up. I confessed - but the damage was done. I have been reeeling and back pedaling and aplologized over and over ever since. So yes - she has resaon to be suspicous. I married my present wife because I wanted her - and no one else. There is no romantic relationship with my ex. My present wife holds alot of resentment against my ex - and also my daughter. She says I spoil my daughter and she’s a brat. Mentioning either of their names is a hotspot for her. This marriage is on the rocks. I accept alot of the blame. Thank you for your prayers.
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You did the right thing in helping your FAMILY escape from an abusive relationship. Why would you want to be married to a woman with so little selflessness and so little sense of inner peace and such bitterness in her heart?

I am sorry, but your relationship does not sound like it is based in any kind of love at all.

I would recommend reading some books on co-dependency (for you), and on Borderline Personality Disorder (for her) and see if you think it fits.
 
It is interesting that one responder wrote that the child comes first before all - and another responder wrote that the husband / wife come first before all. My present wife is a firm beleiver in the latter. She says that the bible says this as well. So which is it? What is the position of the church on this?
 
gjc1111 said:
It is interesting that one responder wrote that the child comes first before all - and another responder wrote that the husband / wife come first before all. My present wife is a firm beleiver in the latter. She says that the bible says this as well. So which is it? What is the position of the church on this?
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This situation is difficult b/c divorce is involved and the child is not the daughter of the new wife. I don’t know the church position on step-children and their importance, but I will tell you straight up that I would NEVER tell my husband that I think his flesh and blood is not as important as me and that I don’t want my husband to be a good and dedicated father.

If I had to choose between my husband’s life or my life and my child’s life…I would choose my child’s life over my husband and I know my husband would choose our children over me.

For example: I’m pregnant and if I were told that either I would die or my son die during childbirth and I had to choose; I would choose my child’s survival over mine without a second thought.

It’s a good question though to see what the church says about priorities in divorced families. Children always suffer in these situations unfortunately.
 
I think that if the OP still has feelings for his exwife and has lied to his wife about them then he needs to be open and honest with her and I can definitely understand why his wife feels the way he does. If his wife before they were married caught him messaging or speaking with his ex in a non-parental manner then she does have all the rights to feel insecure…BUT what I don’t understand is this: If things were rocky from the beginning for whatever reason and the OP has lied constantly to his now wife, then girlfriend, why did he propose and get married to her? AND why in the world did she accept??

I have a thought of why his wife would react this way: 1) Either the OP has been caught messaging or speaking with his ex regarding manners outside of their daughter, and he promised never to do it again and after they got married he got caught again…And that’s what the whole lying matter is all about…

OR:::
  1. She has some extremely serious self-esteem over controlling issues she needs to get help for and if this is the case, then the OP needs to get her help fast…the sooner the better because no marriage works out with these problems…
Again that’s me trying to understand what could be the problem here…

In either case I will keep you in my prayers and I hope things work out for the best…God bless, take care, hang in there and continue praying hard for GOD’s guidance and mercy…
 
To make a long story short - I have been paying for initially lying about a phone call that I received from my ex (nearly a year ago now) in which my ex was bad mouthing her. That one call turned into many fights. At one point insisting I call my daughter to get the number of my ex’s husband to tell him what she did. My daughter hung up on her. At that point she insisted on apologies from my ex and my daughter. Their were several calls to my ex to try and get them to do that - and their reluctance to do so. It damaged the relationship with my daughter. It in turn had me asking for assistance from ex to help me with my daughter’s relationship - more calls. I thought marraige would ease her fears about my ex. it hasn’t. She won’t understand all the calls to my ex. That one call from my ex nearly a year ago has done more damage and more fights and I have been trying to recover ever since. It seems hopeless. If I didn’t feel so strongly against divorce and love her so much I would give up.
 
gjc1111 said:
To make a long story short - I have been paying for initially lying about a phone call that I received from my ex (nearly a year ago now) in which my ex was bad mouthing her. That one call turned into many fights. At one point insisting I call my daughter to get the number of my ex’s husband to tell him what she did. My daughter hung up on her. At that point she insisted on apologies from my ex and my daughter. Their were several calls to my ex to try and get them to do that - and their reluctance to do so. It damaged the relationship with my daughter. It in turn had me asking for assistance from ex to help me with my daughter’s relationship - more calls. I thought marraige would ease her fears about my ex. it hasn’t. She won’t understand all the calls to my ex. That one call from my ex nearly a year ago has done more damage and more fights and I have been trying to recover ever since. It seems hopeless. If I didn’t feel so strongly against divorce and love her so much I would give up.
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Your wife signed up for this. She said, “I do” knowing full well everything involved in the package. Your wife may have also been very rude to your daughter and that’ s why she hung up on your wife. Your daughter then thought that she didn’t want to apologize to your wife b/c your wife was rude to her.

Why did your wife get your daughter involved in this in the first place? This had nothing to do with your daughter. Your wife was in the wrong there and if your daughter felt disrespected, then she had every right to hang up on your wife.

I get the sense that your wife was rude to your daughter before your daughter was ever rude to your wife.

This had nothing to do with your daughter, but your wife is making it about your daughter. This marriage may not work out and you will have your daughter for life. I would put my daughter first in this situation b/c you have more to risk in losing her. She’s your only daughter and in my opinion, your wife is being unfair to your daughter.
 
*I think is why God abhors divorce. Sometimes, divorce is “necessary,” but even so, it causes so many problems for children involved. Casues so many problems for future spouses, also. I don’t think step-situations are the ideal. They can work out, but this is why they are not ideal. The problems that you are experiencing are actually pretty customary, albeit annoying and painful, when two people are divorced who have children together. Even in the best divorce “arrangements”…these things can happen. Since you love your wife, keep proving to her that she comes first…not your ex. That is where the problem lies here, really. Your child must come first, but your ex should not come first before your wife. I have a feeling that your wife senses she does.

Just a woman’s point of view…and I’m not the jealous type, but looking in at this…that’s what it seems to be about. *
 
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