I need your prayers!!!

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betra2000

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I am in desperate need for prayer. I have been praying the Rosary everyday and I have been reading the bible. When I pray, I pray really hard and concentrate.

I feel like I am losing it though. I can’t control my anger. I just want to live a normal life. I know that in a normal life one gets angry. I do not like the way that I feel when I am angry.

I am just not doing well. I love the relationship that I am in with my husband, but at times I think I would not care if he left me. I can’t stand living in a relationship but really being alone. If there is a family outing, I am going it alone. If I am in need to talk to someone, I can pretty much guarantee that I am not going to be able to talk to my life partner. He makes me so angry. When I get angry with him it is so intense. I cant even explain it in words. I told him once that he brought out the worst in me.

How on earth, can I live a Christian lifestyle, and be this angry? What can I do? I feel so desperate at times.

Any advice or just prayers would help.
 
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betra2000:
I am in desperate need for prayer. I have been praying the Rosary everyday and I have been reading the bible. When I pray, I pray really hard and concentrate.

I feel like I am losing it though. I can’t control my anger. I just want to live a normal life. I know that in a normal life one gets angry. I do not like the way that I feel when I am angry.
QUOTE]

Hi Betra - I can’t help feeling that you need professional help with this, as there is possibly a deep-seated cause of your anger that it would help you to get an understanding of.
I’m not denying the importance of spiritual help, but I personally know of a case where someone thought she didn’t need any other sort of help and it ended in tragedy.
This person had been physically abused as a child (note - I’m not saying YOU have, just speaking of someone else) and battled with suppressed anger all her adult life. In her 40s she applied to enter an enclosed religious order, thinking the prayerful lifestyle and peaceful environment would cure her of her anger. She was accepted, and for many years the nuns agonised as to whether they should admit her to profession, as she didn’t seem happy and often demonstrated anger. She was always remorseful and wanting to be given another chance. She was finally professed, but the stress of the life kind of brought things to a head and a few months ago she attacked one of the sisters. She had to leave the order, and went on an anger management course, where she finally got the help she needed and is belatedly discovering WHY she was so angry. Incidentally. she will not be able to return to the religious life.
This may be of no remote relevance to you, but I tell it for what it’s worth, and I pray you will seek help.🙂

You are definitely in my prayers, Betra.
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betra2000, do you feel angry because your life partner isn’t participating in social events with you? I will pray for peace for you both. Blessings.
 
Betra,

I will pray for you. What helped me when I was in a similar state a few years ago (and even now) - whenever I started getting angry, I would pray the Hail Mary over and over again. At the least, it kept me from yelling, and at best, I believe, Mary interceded for me and actually made things better.

Peace.
 
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joyfulmess:
betra2000, do you feel angry because your life partner isn’t participating in social events with you? I will pray for peace for you both. Blessings.
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Yes exactly. I feel so alone. I should not feel alone. I have a husband. I try to talk to him. Things will change and then it is back to the same thing again.

I love him so much. I would do anything for him, but I wish that I had the same love and respect.
 
I was listening to a talk show and they were discussing why some women get big diamonds from their spouses and others do not get anything, even if money is not a problem. The outcome was that women that get diamonds earn them 😃 Maybe if you chose something that he wants to do to start with, or maybe make a fabulous dinner , candles, wine, music, and set the atmosphere for loving conversation. Get some new outfit, shape up, new hair do-he’ll notice, and you will be too busy doing all this to nag. Make your bedroom a country lodge theme. Do the possible, let God do the impossible. 👍
 
I can tell you that I also have a hot temper at times! It makes me
wonder how or why my husband puts up with me as he is totally
non confrontational, and he never gets mad! ( his idea of being
kind of cranky is frowning, and even that is hard for him to do)
It could be because his grandparents raised him in an old fashioned way. I don’t know. When I get cranky, I immediately
start praying! I offer it up to Jesus as my sister taught me to do!
In my situation, I talk to my husband about what makes me cranky, and he listens calmly and offers his (name removed by moderator)ut. What you could do is not only offer it up to Jesus, and pray, but you could
talk to a family member, or close Christian friend or even your
priest. It does help! Also, there are Catholic retreats you can check out! Especially for married couples! We are going to one
this weekend 🙂 After I get cranky, I look back on the situation that
made me crabby in the first place, and wonder why I even bothered in the first place! I feel silly afterwards! That’s just me, and not others. I find that offering it up to Jesus and praying, and
speaking with a close personal friend, or family, or my priest helps alot! Its a relief to be able to talk to someone who is willing
to spend the time to listen 🙂 With your husband, have you thought of talking to him when your not crabby anymore? Tell him how you truly feel, and if he doesn’t want to talk about it, then talk to someone else and ask for their advice or help as a Christian.
The best person is a priest. You’d find that in most cases, your anger can be dealt with in a calm loving helpful way 🙂 Iam not even
half as crabby as I used to be! Thanks to Jesus, my husband, my friends, and family! It took me a long time to learn not to be so uptight about things! For the most part for me, it wasn’t even worth the effort to be uptight in the first place! But, that’s human nature, and it does happen. Think to yourself, What would Jesus do? What would He tell you? Then think to yourself, How can I apply what I’ve learned? Take time out, and go for a walk when your cranky, pray silently as you walk, and as you do so, you will
feel the peace of God come over you in waves. That’s what alot of people have told me! It does work! I will pray for you, and God bless you abundantly!

Marilena
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betra2000:
I am in desperate need for prayer. I have
been praying the Rosary everyday and I have been reading the bible. When I pray, I pray really hard and concentrate.

I feel like I am losing it though. I can’t control my anger. I just want to live a normal life. I know that in a normal life one gets angry. I do not like the way that I feel when I am angry.

I am just not doing well. I love the relationship that I am in with my husband, but at times I think I would not care if he left me. I can’t stand living in a relationship but really being alone. If there is a family outing, I am going it alone. If I am in need to talk to someone, I can pretty much guarantee that I am not going to be able to talk to my life partner. He makes me so angry. When I get angry with him it is so intense. I cant even explain it in words. I told him once that he brought out the worst in me.

How on earth, can I live a Christian lifestyle, and be this angry? What can I do? I feel so desperate at times.

Any advice or just prayers would help.
Click to expand...
 
Rebecca New:
I was listening to a talk show and they were discussing why some women get big diamonds from their spouses and others do not get anything, even if money is not a problem. The outcome was that women that get diamonds earn them 😃 Maybe if you chose something that he wants to do to start with, or maybe make a fabulous dinner , candles, wine, music, and set the atmosphere for loving conversation. Get some new outfit, shape up, new hair do-he’ll notice, and you will be too busy doing all this to nag. Make your bedroom a country lodge theme. Do the possible, let God do the impossible. 👍
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Tried that…done that…

I think that I have by far “earned my diamonds.” I am not saying that he is a bad man. He has been really good to me. But I really do feel like a single woman. We go out of town twice a month to do our shopping, as we live in a small town. He works 5 days a week, and on the weekends he is gone doing whatever. He comes home and eats. He sits with us for awhile and then off to bed. When he is here, he is so preoccupied with different things.

If I want to go out and do something, I ask him, and he states that he has so much to do. He has NEVER gone anywhere with me.

Am I a nagger? Heavens no! I just seem to keep it inside, which could be another problem why I get so angry sometimes.

I help him whenever I can. I do the paperwork for his job, I make sure everything is paid when needed. I take care of the home, (with his help) and I make sure that everything else is taken care of.

I would like to take my Husband out with me sometimes. I would like him to defend me, to be there for me. I want someone to talk to. I dont think that is too much to ask.
 
Betra2000,
Tonight at church, I lit a candle for your intention.

May God’s grace give you strengh to direct you and others to look towards Him.
 
I was going to ask you if you had a dairy, but you just answered that.

I would not suggest that you give up on praying. I would, however, tell you to get off to a counselor, and quickly. Anger that builds over a long time can too easily become an end in itself. To be this angry, this often, and to be as isolated as you describe is destructive to mental health.

No, I am not saying you are crazy (although when I mention counseling, that seems to be the immediate reaction). But you need professional help in determining, first, why you get so angry and so often, and second, how to change.

I kind of doubt Catholic Family Counseling is available in your area, or even Lutheran Family Counseling (another good, faith-based group), and I hesitate to suggest that you go to a secular counselor. However, if you are not willing or able to make the hour or hour and a half trip to Portland, then I would start looking around Tillamook; maybe as far north as Seaside, and as south as Lincoln City.

Northeast Catholic Counseling Center is at the Grotto, on the east side of Portland; their phone is (503) 253-0964. They may be able to make a referral to someone more local.

Get help. I don’t want to read about you in the headlines; all too many violent encounters are between spouses, and it starts with anger.
 
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Edwin1961:
Betra2000,
Tonight at church, I lit a candle for your intention.

May God’s grace give you strengh to direct you and others to look towards Him.
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Thank you so much!
 
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otm:
I was going to ask you if you had a dairy, but you just answered that.

I would not suggest that you give up on praying. I would, however, tell you to get off to a counselor, and quickly. Anger that builds over a long time can too easily become an end in itself. To be this angry, this often, and to be as isolated as you describe is destructive to mental health.

No, I am not saying you are crazy (although when I mention counseling, that seems to be the immediate reaction). But you need professional help in determining, first, why you get so angry and so often, and second, how to change.

I kind of doubt Catholic Family Counseling is available in your area, or even Lutheran Family Counseling (another good, faith-based group), and I hesitate to suggest that you go to a secular counselor. However, if you are not willing or able to make the hour or hour and a half trip to Portland, then I would start looking around Tillamook; maybe as far north as Seaside, and as south as Lincoln City.

Northeast Catholic Counseling Center is at the Grotto, on the east side of Portland; their phone is (503) 253-0964. They may be able to make a referral to someone more local.

Get help. I don’t want to read about you in the headlines; all too many violent encounters are between spouses, and it starts with anger.
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I called this afternoon to my priest to make an appointment. I dont want to go with someone outside the church as they are all too eager to write a perscription. He said that he could lead me in the right direction.

I really appreciate all that have responded, it has all been really appreicated.

Oh and by the way, the one that mentioned the Hail Mary’s when I am upset…really good advice!

Thank you all!
 
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betra2000:
Tried that…done that…

I think that I have by far “earned my diamonds.” I am not saying that he is a bad man. He has been really good to me. But I really do feel like a single woman. We go out of town twice a month to do our shopping, as we live in a small town. He works 5 days a week, and on the weekends he is gone doing whatever. He comes home and eats. He sits with us for awhile and then off to bed. When he is here, he is so preoccupied with different things.

If I want to go out and do something, I ask him, and he states that he has so much to do. He has NEVER gone anywhere with me.

Am I a nagger? Heavens no! I just seem to keep it inside, which could be another problem why I get so angry sometimes.

I help him whenever I can. I do the paperwork for his job, I make sure everything is paid when needed. I take care of the home, (with his help) and I make sure that everything else is taken care of.

I would like to take my Husband out with me sometimes. I would like him to defend me, to be there for me. I want someone to talk to. I dont think that is too much to ask.
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Maybe it is because you keep your feelings to yourself and do such a good job of managing the house that he doesn’t know that anything needs to change. Try to tell him how much you need his emotional support, and his personal presence, not just the physical type. He might get distracted by his work, but if he is a good husband, he will do what he needs to do to give you the time and attention you need if you alert him of your need.

In our marriage, one of our biggest obstacles is that we both think the other can read our mind. This is simply not true, and when we put more effort into communicating, things go much better for us. We know that if we need it, the other will drop everything and come to our aid. If our marriage is to reflect Christ’s love for the Church, then this is what we must live.

Also, if your husband is just not the social ‘going out’ type (neither of us are) then maybe you could start with just an evening at home, when you can do something together. Maybe he would like to do something practical with you, like a project around the house or sorting some bills. If it’s not too concentration-intensive, you could even carry on a conversation while you do it, and your husband would not feel that he was neglecting anything for the fun of going out.

I will keep you in my prayers!
 
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captaincatholic:
In our marriage, one of our biggest obstacles is that we both think the other can read our mind. This is simply not true, and when we put more effort into communicating, things go much better for us. We know that if we need it, the other will drop everything and come to our aid. If our marriage is to reflect Christ’s love for the Church, then this is what we must live.
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Things have been better. I sat down and we had a long talk. I let him know how I felt. I told him that I was so sorry for being so angry with him (by the way, no physical when I am angry, just a lot of yelling and then quiet. I think that he hates the quiet more than anything.) I told him that I can’t take this anymore and I need more from him.

As you said, we cant read eachother’s minds! He is making an effort. I let him know that I was here anytime that he needed to talk to me as well. We talked for about an hour and we both got to discuss things that we had never talked about before. I feel so much better. I guess communication is the best medicine.

I am still going to see my priest, because I dont want this to happen again.

Thank you all so much for your prayers!
 
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betra2000:
Things have been better. I sat down and we had a long talk. I let him know how I felt. I told him that I was so sorry for being so angry with him (by the way, no physical when I am angry, just a lot of yelling and then quiet. I think that he hates the quiet more than anything.) I told him that I can’t take this anymore and I need more from him.
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A lot of the things you are mentioning sound very familiar to me…feeling that I too had not long ago. I would finally get the nerve to tell my husband you aren’t doing this, you aren’t doing that…everything would be fine for a few weeks…the back to the way they were.

I finally realized…I can not change him. I can only change myself.

Anger … I had lots of anger toward my husband. Most resentment. He was out having conversations with adults, while I was “stuck” at home.

Then one day it hit me…I’m a mother and wife, I should put my whole heart into those two things. I prayed for guidance in these areas of my life.

Also, I visited my doctor. We decided that I am depressed (just had a baby)…well, I started some very mild medication and I feel so much better. I’m slow to anger now.

Not saying this might be what’s wrong with you, but you could be depressed. It’s okay!

You are in my prayers!
 
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