I never wanted kids am I going to be alone forever

[TheLittleLady]

Are you privvy to the details of their marriage and finances?

Is it possible that there is simply no money for the sort of party that was planned? Some parents feel the need to “keep up with the Joneses” and have a full blowout with a bouncy castle and a petting zoo for all of the kids in class.

On the other hand it is possible that your Aunt wanted to bake a cake at home and invite the family over for a pot-luck and your uncle is a big meaney. Because she married a big meaney does not mean that all marriages are like that.

I’d suggest you read Fulton Sheen’s book “Three To Get Married”. It will help clarify what marriage is from what we have been sold by every book, magazine, website, RomCom film and TV show. It is available free at https://www.ewtn.com/library/MARRIAGE/3GETMARR.TXT

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

As someone who has a fear of loneliness, let me tell you…
There simply are no guarantees in life.
I have elderly patients who were single and have tons of friends and visitors.
I have patients who had like six or seven kids and not one comes to visit (one actually outlived all her kids buts that’s a separate case–she was over 100)
Most of the time, however, the number of relationships in your old age roughly correlates with the number of relationships you cultivated when you were younger.

I will say this–it’s a bad idea to cultivate relationships with the idea of getting something in the end (if I am nice to them they will take my loneliness away). It’s not the Christian way, and it makes us grasping and greedy.

Nurture relationships because you like those people, and/or you can be there for them

But you are maybe conflicted…because you post this question on a Catholic forum

ray:t2:ray:t2:ray:t2: for you to be uplifted and reach a place of clear discernment

 

[mdgspencer]

 If you don't want to have children, you can marry after your child-bearing years.

 Perhaps your view is questionable, but if you marry when you are too old to have

children, your view would be irrelevant to the situation.

 

[Allegra]

If you value your freedom, money, and don’t want to take care of people, then marriage is actually the antithesis of what you want. Furthermore, a “good Catholic man” is going want to live according to the teachings of the Church and have a proper, self-giving, life-giving, sacramental marriage and not some sort of “roommates with benefits” arrangement.

 

[pianistclare]

Well stated.

Marriage is an exercise of self-giving.
Not taking.

 

[Vico]

I like my freedom and I love my disposable income

Sound like single life for you is the best option. We all have to live chaste lives, even the married.

 

[hoping4more]

Kids do not mean a lack of freedom or money as long as you plan ahead, however they do mean a change. I mean you will not be going to the club til 1 am when you have kids, you can get a baby sister but still.

toddlers means all vacations are at the beach.
little kids means short distance camping trips, festival, themed trade shows.
Plane tickets are expensive, esp if you are buying 5 or 6 at a time, so if that is what you want then learn to travel hack credit cards.

Learn to live a Godly, non materialist lifestyle that doesn’t include spending all your money, while doing the things that matter in life.

disclousure; early 30s, $40k government job, spouse is SAHM, and I plan on not have to work past ~40.

 

[PetraG]

Deep down I don’t want kids because they’re a lot of work, I like my freedom and I love my disposable income

Let me put it this way: If you are so fond of your freedom that you don’t want to be “tied down” by people who need you to care for them and you are so fond of your money that you don’t want to spend money on the needs of someone else because it might take away from the things you want, why would you think someone will want to be around you when you need someone to care for you and why would someone want to spend for your needs when it is going to take away from things they want?

If you have no time and no money for those who have “nothing” to offer you, what will you have to offer when time and money is all you have?

There is the saying of Hillel, the famous rabbi:

If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
If I am not for myself only, what am I?
And if not now, when?

That’s the “wake up” answer: that is, as a Christian you ought to be spending your life on love of neighbor whether or not you have children. You don’t get to just live for yourself while you avoid lying, stealing or committing murder. We are commanded to love one another, and that is a positive act that requires sacrifice that goes beyond just that generosity that is convenient.

The other answer is that taking care of the children of others, even relatives, is not the same as being a parent. It is a whole 'nother way of falling in love that is as far beyond one’s general love of children as marriage is beyond a friendship.