I often feel bitter and jealous

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This is something I don’t like admitting, but whenever things don’t go well for me, I often get jealous of people. I try my best not to let those feelings affect how I actually treat people, but when I behave well around people I’m jealous of, I feel phony, and it even feels painful at times. Years and years ago when I was a kid, a nun told me that feelings come and go, so I shouldn’t rely on them. And I think that’s stuck with me all these years, but it would sure be nice for my own sake to not feel this way so much.

Any advice?
 
When you begin to feel jealous of someone, pray for them “God, thank you that you gave Bill the means to afford a nice car.” or “Thank you, Jesus, that Sally has a good boyfriend”.

It is amazing how fast your attitude changes when you are thankful for others and see what they have/do/achieve as blessings.
 
When I feel jealous about something, I confide in my husband that I feel jealous of so-and-so.
I find that the act of saying it out loud dissipates a lot of these feelings. I don’t know why, it just does.

Also, if I feel jealous, I’ll thank God for their blessing. “Thank you that they have a big beautiful house, Lord.”
And I keep saying it until I at least sorta mean it.
 
The very fact that you see this as something to address pleases the Lord greatly.

Metanoia is glorious to Christ our True God!

When we take one step toward Him, He runs a mile to us,
Deacon Christopher
 
In my experience, such feelings arise from pride. So pray for the gift of humility.
‘The humble live in continuous peace, while in the hearts of the proud are envy and frequent anger.’ - The Imitation of Christ
 
When you find yourself with this type of feeling, say a prayer to God to help you overcome it and then go do something else.

Maybe also make time to say special prayers for the person you have the bad feelings about. I often will say a Divine Mercy for them, or add them to my Rosary intentions. This will feel uncomfortable at first but will bear fruit over time.

I think all of us have had the feelings you mention from time to time. Even if we are successful in life, it can be hard to deal with it when somebody we don’t like gets a big award or promotion. Also even when it’s someone I do like, I might feel envious if God has seen fit to give them some blessing, like a wedding anniversary, that he didn’t give me (my husband died ). Also I have had some feelings of mean gladness when someone I don’t like seems to be getting a “payback” for their bad treatment of me, and that’s not a Catholic way to feel. The answer to all this is prayer and asking Jesus to help you feel differently towards this person and love them the way you know Jesus loves them.
 
vash88 said:
Any advice?
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Remember, you’re not in competition with anyone — neither you nor your family.

So don’t compare others to yourself or to your family. Comparisons of this sort is a form of competition, the classic “Keeping up with the Jones’s.”

What matters is how you live your life and not how others do or what they receive or achieve.

And if you stop trying to compete with others (consciously or unconsciously), you’ll be more naturally disposed to be happy when others receive great blessings from God.
 
I like what the nun said about feelings come and go. Coming from a nun whose life is directed towards the eternal it reminds me of the Bible verses that say the grass withers and the flower wilts but the word of God is eternal. Feelings and everything of this world comes and goes.

I examined the feeling and found I wasn’t envying the person as much as I was envying something they had. And I realized what they had was not important to me in the whole scope of things. If the person was all wrapped up in the pleasures of this world I would have sympathy and pray for them that they don’t follow the rich fool of the parable who thought he had it made and stored all his treasure in this world and neglected to store his treasure for heaven. They, like the rich fool and like all of us can be snatched away in an instant at any time and all the envy and objects of envy will mean nothing. All that will matter is how we are judged by our Creator.
 
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This sounds like your particular cross. I have a close friend who also seems to have these feelings as her cross. It’s not my cross - I am a worrier. And I wish I wasn’t but it is what it is. A therapist I once spoke with said the healthiest way to handle unwanted thoughts & feels is to just “let them be” until they naturally subside. This doesn’t entail agreeing with or embracing them… nor does it entail running from them. Basically by shrugging our shoulders at them, over time they then stop disturbing our peace and subside.
 
Ahhh, yes.

The Litany of Humility is very important to our prayer life


O Jesus, meek and humble of heart,

Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being loved,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being honored,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being praised,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being approved,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being despised,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected,

Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I go unnoticed,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
 
vash88 said:
but when I behave well around people I’m jealous of, I feel phony, and it even feels painful at times.
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I wouldn’t regard this as a bad thing. The pain is only to ego and that is a good thing. People who are gracious despite being tempted otherwise, grow in virtue and inner beauty.
 
I can understand the painfulness being a good thing, but I don’t quite know about the “feeling phony” part.
 
My priest told me feelings aren’t sins. They can be temptations to sin, but they’re not sins themselves.

Only thoughts, words, and deeds can be sins. Its not phony to resist temptations and behave virtuously. It’s what we’re called to.

Thank the Lord for their blessings. Think a good thought about them. & Keep going. Carrying your cross and knowing who you belong to.

If you sin in thought, tell God you’re sorry. If it fits the 3 rules for it to be a mortal sin, be sure to confess it. We’re all practicing here.
 
vash88 said:
I can understand the painfulness being a good thing, but I don’t quite know about the “feeling phony” part.
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There’s a saying “fake it til you make it”. We’re reasonably anonymous here so I’ll divulge that I really did not like one of my 3 children from when he was about 10 to 23 years old. His personality traits, life choices, lack of respect etc made me want to cut him out of our lives. But I faked all the proper motherly feelings and actions for a long time feeling very like a “phony” all the way. Today he is a wonderful boy. Respectful and present to us as a family… Thank God I faked it is all I can say now!
 
Thank you for sharing. That is encouraging! God bless you and your family.
 
Emotions Anonymous is FAB! It’s 12 steps, for emotional issues (such as jealousy)…Google it, or pm me for more info…
 
Bitter and Jealously only come from one source. Like many other sins.

Jeremiah was truly a wonderful prophet , admitting your issue/sin deserves credit but that’s only the beginning.

13:23 Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard his spots? Then also you can do good who are accustomed to do evil.
 
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