I realize this was probably a sin

[EireYankPurity]

Hi everyone,
I recently started working at a Restaurant and it’s been going real well. However, one of the nights I was working one of the girls I work with was speaking publicly where customers could hear about Oral Sex.
Well I didn’t tell the manager about it, and now I realize I should of.
But I treat everyone at my job good, I’m shy so I usually don’t talk very much I just do what people tell me to and smile, etc.
Well, this girl came into work a few nights ago and treated me terribly from the time she came to the host stand til she left.
My only explanation for this is because either she was jealous that people were complimenting me that night, OR she was jealous because I use to work with and be somewhat friends with a guy who she’s after that I now work with again.
I never talk to this guy, etc. I never flirt with ANYONE, I have a boyfriend who I’m completely in love with and committed to so I wouldn’t flirt with anyone.
So that entire night she acted snobby to me, tried to act like she was my boss, made snotty remarks, and it seemed like she tried to make me look stupid in front of the managers.

Well, long story short… I called and spoke to a manager and spoke almost completely honestly I just acted like I was someone else (a customer) and complained on her about the Oral Sex thing.
I think she got fired tonight and the manager called me and asked me if I heard her talking about this and I said yes.
I feel guilty for several reasons, not because she could be gone, but because I lied in part.
I’m not going to tell my managers about this or anyone else, my boyfriend knows and thats it.
The girl seems like a very deceitful and trashy person and I was never comfortable working around her. But my reason for posting is am I bound for punishment now because of this?

 

[rlg94086]

Hi everyone,
I recently started working at a Restaurant and it’s been going real well. However, one of the nights I was working one of the girls I work with was speaking publicly where customers could hear about Oral Sex.
Well I didn’t tell the manager about it, and now I realize I should of.
But I treat everyone at my job good, I’m shy so I usually don’t talk very much I just do what people tell me to and smile, etc.
Well, this girl came into work a few nights ago and treated me terribly from the time she came to the host stand til she left.
My only explanation for this is because either she was jealous that people were complimenting me that night, OR she was jealous because I use to work with and be somewhat friends with a guy who she’s after that I now work with again.
I never talk to this guy, etc. I never flirt with ANYONE, I have a boyfriend who I’m completely in love with and committed to so I wouldn’t flirt with anyone.
So that entire night she acted snobby to me, tried to act like she was my boss, made snotty remarks, and it seemed like she tried to make me look stupid in front of the managers.

Well, long story short… I called and spoke to a manager and spoke almost completely honestly I just acted like I was someone else (a customer) and complained on her about the Oral Sex thing.
I think she got fired tonight and the manager called me and asked me if I heard her talking about this and I said yes.
I feel guilty for several reasons, not because she could be gone, but because I lied in part.
I’m not going to tell my managers about this or anyone else, my boyfriend knows and thats it.
The girl seems like a very deceitful and trashy person and I was never comfortable working around her. But my reason for posting is am I bound for punishment now because of this?

Definitely take this to your confessor. The other option, besides going to the boss about the oral sex comment in the first place, would have been to confront her one-on-one to let her know her comments were inappropriate. I know that may sound crazy, and going to the boss about it would be equally correct.

You are correct in understanding that calling in and pretending to be someone else is a sin - deception. And, though she should have been fired for her inappropriate actions, doing what you did out of spite/revenge is also not good.

Personally, I often struggle with what to say when co-workers say or do something inappropriate in my presence. If it’s offensive enough, I would certainly protest. But, I let a lot of stuff pass just to fit in/get along, when I really should inform them that it bothers me. We all have things to work on…confession, prayer and continuous efforts to improve are all you can do.

 

[EireYankPurity]

Hi Rlg,
I realize I should have went to my boss.
However, this girl has worked there since October 2007, this was around my 7th or 8th day there. So I guess I was too scared.
I don’t really know how to approach someone face to face and speak about Oral Sex, in any way whether it be complaint or not.
I appreciate your post, thank you.

 

[rlg94086]

Hi Rlg,
I realize I should have went to my boss.
However, this girl has worked there since October 2007, this was around my 7th or 8th day there. So I guess I was too scared.
I don’t really know how to approach someone face to face and speak about Oral Sex, in any way whether it be complaint or not.
I appreciate your post, thank you.

I understand…and, I’m not saying I would do better. It is very uncomfortable to confront somenoe one-on-one in charity - especially considering the reaction she would probably have given.

It’s good that you recognize your sin though. Sometimes, we let things go by too many times, until we no longer consider it that bad. I hope that makes sense. Keep working on yourself.

 

[EireYankPurity]

Thanks
Is punishment necessary even if I ask for forgiveness?

 

[rlg94086]

Thanks
Is punishment necessary even if I ask for forgiveness?

I hadn’t read your profile, so I didn’t realize you are “non-denominational.” I’m not sure what you believe about punishment. As Catholics, we believe you are absolved of your sins through the sacrament of Confession; however, there is still temporal punishment.

After death, assuming you are not in a state of mortal sin (i.e. you have confessed and been absolved of any mortal sins before death), you will still make a stopover in Purgatory for final purification before joining Our Lord in heaven.

 

[EireYankPurity]

Hi Again,
Yes I don’t have a particular denomination. My boyfriend is a Catholic and He and I have been saved together.
Where I live there aren’t any Catholic churches and I’m not really sure I’d be brave enough to go by myself, I’d be too concerned with making an… out of myself.
Thanks for explaining though.

 

[nick_aksureh]

Hi Again,
Yes I don’t have a particular denomination. My boyfriend is a Catholic and He and I have been saved together.
Where I live there aren’t any Catholic churches and I’m not really sure I’d be brave enough to go by myself, I’d be too concerned with making an… out of myself.
Thanks for explaining though.

I get a very strong moral sense in you and feel quite solid about your openness and honesty. For that, I commend you greatly.

From the Catholic perspective, the sin you committed could have been a mortal sin. There is a very large degree of gray area for this, and if you’re not completely sure what I’m talking about, then please don’t take this as judgment, but (from my best understanding) simply what the Catholic Church teaches. Also, if the Catholic part doesn’t make much sense, there’s more general advice at the end.

For a sin to be mortal, there are basically 3 pretenses.

1. Seriousness of the sin (grave sin, gravity of sin)
2. Knowledge of its evil
3. Openness in committing it

I see 2 reasons the sin is serious:

1. Deception (lying – obvious direct breach of a commandment)
2. Impact on another - in the act, you hurt another human being (i guess 2nd commandment?)

You also clearly knew its evil, or you wouldn’t be here. You also had to have premeditated it, because you were acting like another person and had time to think about it before calling back.

Your guilt is a good sign that your conscience is not blinded by this, and your desire to take the appropriate action is commendable (as I said before)

For a Catholic, the mortal sin would mean that you need to confess the sin to a priest as soon as possible, but that is a very deep discussion if you are not familiar with the subject that I will be glad to help you address in another thread (I am no expert).

---

I understand all the Catholic stuff may be a bit heavy for rectifying the current situation, so here’s some more general advice:

From Matthew 5:23-24, you should go and make peace with your brother. In this case, it seems that you should probably go to your bosses and tell them of your deceit. Before you do that, I might try to call the person that spoke of the oral sex and let them know it was your fault.

I know this may seem an insurmountable and unrealistic task, but even though your job may be in jeopardy by telling the truth, I believe it is very important that you should do so. In your heart you are probably feeling like this is the right path.

If you find yourself tempted to let it go, consider the consequences:

1. your heart will most certainly be hardened to the sin of lying to some degree without repentance, if you do nothing.
2. by your example of Christian behavior, you have the ability to positively impact everyone in the picture — your bosses and the employee that was fired — in doing so
3. Your impact on them could spark or further a future connection to Jesus and open a doorway for their salvation.

I did my best to speak frankly without offending you, so if I have in any way, please feel open to letting me know where my tact broke down.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, and work in you in this matter, and me He also bless your relationship with your significant other.