J
Joybearer
Guest
I’m diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalised Anxiety Disorder a couple of years back. Along with Dysthymia for most part of my earlier life. My garbage of a life turned from horrible to downright unlivable. I am no longer able to function as a human being, I’m crying multiple times a day. Medication from a psychiatrist and a fortnightly psychotherapy session at my local mental hospital aren’t helping. God has taken away my friends, my job, my money, my peace and any hope. I’ve been treated badly by most people I meet no matter how good of a person I tried to be with them. A Franciscan Sister that I had counselling sessions with recently tells me that everything that has happened to me is my fault and she absolved God of any fault. I asked myself and my conscience is clear that I have tried in the midst of uncertainty and God didn’t do the rest. I recall Catholics telling me that “God is not done with you yet.” while I was still in a ministry a decade ago. I believe they meant well but what I’m facing now feels like an eternal being of a child with an anthill and I’m the ant that He is using a magnifying glass to fry and the end is nowhere close. I can’t pray, I can only lash out, I seldom lash out, now it’s daily vulgarities against God. I am not Job, I cannot take all these. I remember someone told me about Max Weber’s analysis on the notion of pre-ordination in Calvinism. Souls were selected, elects and reprobates, some people are just meant to be damned no matter what they do. I’m a reprobate.
I didn’t ask to be born and I really cannot anymore. Help me pray or something. I don’t know.
I didn’t ask to be born and I really cannot anymore. Help me pray or something. I don’t know.