I Stand Alone

[Xantippe]

The OP said, “Perhaps it is my fault that I do not actively get involved…”

The OP said, “Even the Catholics my church seem further away than my friend.”

The OP said, “I want just one person in my life that I don’t have to evangelize.”

Are you getting the impression that the OP is a friendly, non-judgemental type who socializes often and is open to meeting new people and doing things with them? I’m not getting that impression at all.

I certainly agree that the ideal is to have at least one “soul-friend” who is not just a pal, but a sister or brother in Christ through and through.

But the OP has titled their thread, “I stand alone,” and seems to be unable to find any friends, other than that one childhood friend. The OP says, “The loneliness creeps in on me like a dark, stormy overcast.”

Now honestly. With so many people in the world, can the OP truly not find one friendly person to have coffee and chat with? The world is truly that awful? Everyone in his parish is a “Cafeteria Catholic” who isn’t worth associating with? The OP would rather bemoan his “dark stormy overcast” loneliness" rather than associate with a (shudder) “Cafeteria Catholic?”

Why doesn’t the OP find friends among the lowly, the meek, the poor, the elderly, the mentally-ill, the prisoners, the sick, the dying? There are plenty of people who are seeking friendship and companionship. There is no reason at all for the OP to sit in a “dark stormy overcast loneliness.”

In my city, we have a program for the mentally-ill that places the clients in group housing and small apartments. There is always a resident assistant on duty to help them with their meds, and with other tasks of everyday living. These people are adults who have suffered from various conditions like schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, bipolar syndrome, paranoia, addictive personality, etc. for years. They aren’t “cute,” and we’ll never see them on a telethon.

But they are human beings. And they need friends. For years, I have been friends with a woman in this program that I met back in college while she was still “in the community.” She is a delightful person who constantly helps me to see God.

There are plenty of other lonely people–truly lonely people–in that home who NEVER get a visit from family or anyone. They have been abandoned. My heart aches for them, and when I visit my friend, I try to chat with as many as I can. They are so happy to have someone to talk with.

Perhaps the OP could seek out such a place and make some friends. They may not carry on a great “debate” with him (they will possibly get upset if the conversation gets too controversial), but nevertheless, they will show the OP what God looks like.

I did not say “selfish.” I said “self-centered.” There is a difference.

So far I stand by what I posted.

Yes.

 

[marylauravicuna]

It was the same for me for years: not a single practicing Catholic in my circle of friends. It was awful and I felt very lonely. I just couldn’t be truly myself with all those people whose beliefs and values were different, who liked to ridicule religion, or were indifferent to it.

I then started going around prayer groups in my town in order to meet practicing Catholics. I clicked with one woman, 30 years older than me whose sons were the same age as my husband. I never had a friend like that before (in terms of our differences), but as you say above - we shared the faith. We bonded over that so much more deeply that I ever did with my secular friends whom I knew for years.

That same year I found more practicing Catholics and that was absolutely amazing.

I suggest you start exploring different social groups, prayer groups, organisations and look for friends. It takes time to build a relationship but it is worth making that effort. We need this kind of support and understanding that only people who share our faith can give. At least that has been my experience.

And if you are not already doing it, pray that God sends the right people your way.

Good advice. Also, consider taking a leadership role in a ministry or starting your own group, you will become friends with the other members.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

The truth is I have such a deeper joy in my heart, far beyond someone liking my favorite teams and movies, when someone shares my faith. Its because I know that no matter how far apart we are on matters of taste and opinion on everything else, I know that we share together the most important of all things, and in that we are united in a way that transcends all other relationships from friendships to blood kinship.

I don’t really think it is that wrong to desire that. Of course I think it would be wrong for me to ‘expect’ that, but I don’t expect it…I just long for it.

This is beautifully put.

I’m praying that you do find such a person, or even better - a whole group of orthodox Catholics who will enrich your life.

 

[Cat]

Thank you all so much for your responses.

In some posts though, I see there is need for some clarification.

I have my best friend, whom I mentioned. I also have a circle of friends, which I did not mention. And then I have a wider segment of acquaintances. I don’t have any plans are throwing any of them out of my life, and sorry if anyone got that impression. I’m also sorry if anyone got the impression that when I said, ‘see eye to eye’ that I was referring to anything but ‘matters of objective truth handed down by the magisterium’. I was not referring to a need of a ‘clone’, or someone who loves everything I love from movies to music.

What I find to be ironic about this, is that my group of friends is widely diverse. Just the other day I was speaking with my agnostic friend’s sister who happens to be a new age spiritualist. She was relaying her belief system to me and I listened to her and chatted for about an hour. I shared some of my faith and we both enjoyed the chat very much. There was no arguing or overt attacking. When the night was wrapping up, we both agreed that we enjoyed the conversation and that next time we will talk further.

I have fallen away Catholic friends. They think I have lost my mind. I am aware of this. But we still take vacations together and I enjoy myself with them.

I have also in my past had strange acquaintances that many (some whom I’d imagine who took great exception with me) would themselves consider giving a wide berth to. I was friends with a convicted thief and was also a cocaine dealer, whom I had to bail out of jail one morning when I got a call at 7:30 in the morning from our local police department telling me that I had a belligerent friend that told them to call me and they wanted to release him into my custody. He apparently the night before got drunk and became quite disorderly. I got up and went to get him. He had them call me because he knew I was one of very few people who would come to help him.
For the record, all my supposed ‘non judgmental’ free thinking compatriots avoided this guy. I don’t fault them for this. I don’t think people should be expected to put themselves in those positions with people when they know they are unable to help and would only be pulled down by the toxicity of it.
The only reason I don’t see this friend anymore is that he moved away to Alaska and we lost touch.

And also it bears mentioning. I have friends who are rabidly liberal. And we are still friends.

I don’t really like talking about myself with stories such as this that wreak of ‘oh look how open and wonderful I am’, but I guess sometimes when I leave all that out, people get the idea about me that I am something that I am not.

And also there seemed to be another misunderstanding about when I said that I was a ‘debater’ by nature. This is only to say that I do defend the Faith when it comes under attack. If you have a different world view then someone, inevitably there will be a disagreement on an objective truth of the Faith. And yes, I do say, I do defend those truths in whatever capacity I feel the situation calls for. I usually let the person I am talking to dictate the tempo and tone.
However, whenever I experience a disagreement with someone on matters of taste and opinion, I am very easy going. I don’t have a meltdown when someone says they think my favorite band sucks. I don’t get in massive screaming matches over who the best player on the Flyers (my favorite hockey team) is. And yet again, ironically, I have been present for full on shouting matches between friends nearly escalating to violence over everything from playoff match ups to the Beatles vs Elvis.

All I was really saying, was that I long for just a person in my life who shares my Catholic Faith in its entirety. This was not to mean that I wanted ONLY 1 singular friend who shared my Catholic Faith so I could cut off everyone else in my life. I wanted not just to be able to say to someone that I prayed at an abortion clinic, but that I prayed a ROSARY at the abortion clinic and not have to hold that back because I knew they are squeamish about Rosaries. The truth is I have such a deeper joy in my heart, far beyond someone liking my favorite teams and movies, when someone shares my faith. Its because I know that no matter how far apart we are on matters of taste and opinion on everything else, I know that we share together the most important of all things, and in that we are united in a way that transcends all other relationships from friendships to blood kinship.

I don’t really think it is that wrong to desire that. Of course I think it would be wrong for me to ‘expect’ that, but I don’t expect it…I just long for it.

Thank you for clarifying.

I would advise you to keep looking and keep your eyes open, and to keep a positive outlook and not allow yourself to become gloomy.

I have plenty of Catholic friends who are fervent, devout, and totally in submission to Holy Mother Church. Perhaps you live in a more “liberal” place and it’s harder to find those Catholics. But the “good” Catholics are out there (move to my city).

If you are young, you are in a demographic where the majority do not consider religion an important part of their lives. That’s going to make it harder for you to locate like-minded people. But again, they’re there.

Good luck to you.

 

[Luvz2travel]

I don’t know if anyone else feels this sort of loneliness. Perhaps it is my own fault that I do not actively get involved in hopes of meeting people my age in the Church who truly accept every teaching as every Catholic should.

I have a best friend who I have known since I was nine. I am 30 now. I am probably closest to him more than anyone else except for my own parents. It is a real ‘David and Jonathan’ type relationship if I may. He is a Christian, who does support me in my faith, and does try to go to Mass and confession. He left the Church a while ago, and has only recently decided to give the Church another ‘look’ after he had many conversations with me discussing it. However, it seems his faith now is wavering, and is now again considering returning to Calvary Chapel while simultaneously attending Mass. This is a step back from a few months ago where he was declaring the Catholic Church to be the true Church seemingly without question. His old objections that I had long answered and he had accepted are now creeping back into his head. I am finding myself in ‘re evangelizing’ again.

This of course is devastating for me because I thought that I truly had my best friend on the same page as I when it came to the objective truth of the faith. It was my lone ‘Holy Spirit’ success story and now it appears that is faltering.

I just wanted one person, one friend, that was in the Faith. Even Catholics at my Church seem to be farther from the Church than even my friend is. Cafeteria Catholicism is rampant. I just want one person in my life that I don’t have to evangelize. I just want one person where when I say the words, “And as the Magisterium teaches…” that they just nod and go, 'Yep, I’m on board!" where I don’t have to qualify everything and spit out facts backing up a position that is objective magisterial teaching.
I am a debater by nature. I love a good discussion and back and forth dialogue. But I have to say, its taxing doing that all the time. Sometimes I just want to know I can call up my buddy and just relax in the knowledge that we are in it together. I just don’t seem to have that.

Not too long ago, I got the chance to sit down and have a conversation with our pro life group’s former president. Now I am a 30 year old white guy, she is a 65ish year old black woman. If there were two people that would appear not to see eye to eye on anything it would probably be us picked out of the line up. We have completely different life experiences, different generations, different racial cultures (African American vs Italian American). But…we shared the faith. Talking to her was one of the most refreshing conversations I ever had. This woman herself has had it rougher than me as pro life advocate. She has been spit on and yelled at, cursed and slandered.

I sat there for 2 hours talking to her. Everything I said, she just would nod and agree. Everything she said was spot on and amazing as well. It ended up being her who said what I had been feeling but it still hadn’t hit me yet. She said, "ya know, its just so refreshing to speak with someone who you see completely eye to eye with.’
I was ready to propose to her, lol, it was so wonderful.

And then, we parted. Maybe to meet again, maybe not. The loneliness creep in on me like a dark stormy overcast. I even thought to myself, ‘well there goes the first orthodox person I’ve probably ever met in person…hope to see you in heaven.’

Sometimes I think, ‘well, you could just stop caring and go along to get along.’ But this is simply not an option. Oh well, here I am feeling sad and lonely, while my brothers and sisters are being murdered in Iraq. This is definitely a Catholic ‘first world’ problem, but still, I am so desperate for a friend, preferably my age, that I can be totally unified in the Catholic Faith with.

I guess it wasn’t said “Athanasius contra mudun” for nothing huh?

As someone who has been alone most of her life I guarentee you shall survive it. In a book I once read the charactor says sometime to the effect. No one cares for me but I will and the more lonely and friendless I am the more I will care for myself.

 

[Furius]

This is beautifully put.

I’m praying that you do find such a person, or even better - a whole group of orthodox Catholics who will enrich your life.

Thank you so much!

Cat: Thanks for coming back to the thread with kind words.

And thank you for the advice as well Luvz2travel!

And all of you who showed me a kindness in this thread. Thanks!