I Still Love My Ex Two Years Later

  • Thread starter Thread starter elizmaj
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
E

elizmaj

Guest
I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 19 at our university’s Catholic Campus Ministry and loved him very deeply for the three years we were together. I broke up with him shortly after my college graduation despite hearing that he was going to propose. I was 22 at the time and was too nervous that I didn’t have enough life experience to jump into something, especially because my dad had passed away a year before we met and I was nervous I was putting too much pressure on him to carry my faith. At times he also didn’t know what to do when I expressed in despair that I didn’t know if I believed in God. But I’m still in love with him.

It’s been a couple years and I know he still loves me, but we tried to date again and it blew up in our faces because we tried to keep things on the DL from our friends to navigate things. That and also we picked things back up while he was in the process of working through some issues within his own faith that were relevant to our initial break-up.

I want to be with him so much and I know that our faith would be so central, but–while my friends and family are right in their concern–the fact that no one supports us is so hard. I feel so convicted to be with him and I know he’s working on himself to be a devoted husband, but would the lack of approval carry too many long term issues for us?
 
Last edited:
Hi 🙂
Maybe I missed it but the approval of whom?
Your friends?
Sometimes our friends see things that we can’t.
But we also have to trust our instincts.
Like all things in life, a balance.
Perhaps you could discuss this with your priest, together with your ex (or without him if need be).
Please let us know how it’s going!
 
You either need to commit to each other by being open about your relationship or don’t have one. The sneaking around affects it. When you marry, it only matters what you both think, not anyone else. I don’t understand how you want others to support you. What should they be doing or saying? It sounds like you want them to be some kind of cheerleader for your relationship.
elizmaj said:
but would the lack of approval carry too many long term issues for us
Click to expand...
You either make things work on your own or you don’t.
I know you don’t want to hear this, but relationships are not meant to start out hard. They become difficult because of what happens in life. But they should start off hard and get worse.

Perhaps you really are not meant to be together, but you just really want to be in a relationship.
 
Last edited:
@elizmaj might want to come clean and inform us of things such as what religion is her boyfriend, and what issues her friends have with them dating.
 
It’s more because there wasn’t a clean break from when we ended things two years ago and they think it didn’t really allow us to move on, which isn’t wrong. We needed time apart to work on things individually but we left things with an open door.
 
We’re both practicing Catholics. It was what brought us together but he’s definitely gotten more prayerful in the last two years and it was a frequent topic of discussion on what raising a family looked like. At the time I was struggling with my faith because of past grief and we needed to separate to figure things out on our own. We also had issues with intimacy and wanted to steer clear from it because it was hurting the relationship. So he went to a priest to get himself in a better place.
 
When you tried to date again, how did it blow up in your face?
 
elizmaj said:
It’s been a couple years and I know he still loves me, but we tried to date again and it blew up in our faces because we tried to keep things on the DL from our friends to navigate things. That and also we picked things back up while he was in the process of working through some issues within his own faith that were relevant to our initial break-up.
Click to expand...
Sorry to appear ignorant but what does DL mean?
 
Your friends’ opinions shouldn’t figure into this unless it’s a case of domestic abuse and they’re telling you to go get help. Apart from some emergency like that, it’s not their business and they might not even be in your life 5 or 10 years from now.

If your family disapproves of the young man, then you might carefully consider what they say. But in the end this is going to be your decision. Mature people who choose to seriously date each other generally don’t need approval to do so. You need to make a decision whether to go forward with this guy or not and then stick to it. And I agree that you shouldn’t be sneaking around with him trying to date in secret.
 
elizmaj said:
It’s been a couple years and I know he still loves me,
Click to expand...
You still love him, and he still loves you, so what are you waiting for? 😊 Not everyone gets a second chance in life for these things, so take it while you can!
elizmaj said:
but we tried to date again and it blew up in our faces because we tried to keep things on the DL from our friends to navigate things. That and also we picked things back up while he was in the process of working through some issues within his own faith that were relevant to our initial break-up.
Click to expand...
No need to keep it from your friends, but nor is there a need to get their approval. Be open and unapologetic about the fact that you are dating, but leave it at that, and don’t seek approval or share all your issues with them. I don’t know exactly what issues he was working through, but if you are both practicing Catholics, why not give it another shot?
elizmaj said:
I want to be with him so much and I know that our faith would be so central, but–while my friends and family are right in their concern–the fact that no one supports us is so hard. I feel so convicted to be with him and I know he’s working on himself to be a devoted husband, but would the lack of approval carry too many long term issues for us?
Click to expand...
If your faith would be central, then you have the key ingredient right there. Honestly, as someone else said, you don’t know if some of these friends will still be in your life a few years from now; but even if they are, if they are your friends they will come around. Whatever you end up deciding regarding this man, do not base your decision and your future on whether or not people approve - you will regret it.
 
If you aren’t mature enough to make your own relationship decisions without fear of your friends, then you shouldn’t be dating at all. You aren’t Juliet, your friends aren’t Tybalt, and no one is going to die in a duel or get exiled if you and your ex choose to get together again.

Now, if all your friends are telling you “He’s manipulative” or “He’s controlling” or accusing him of bad behavior you should consider what they say and take it into account when evaluating whether this guy is a good match for you. If otherwise sensible, reliable, non-drama-queen friends don’t like him, there might be a good reason. What you DON’T do is try to sneak around with this guy.
 
If the people who know her and care for her have opinions that shouldn’t figure into this the WE sure as heck don’t either.
Personally I think the fact that family and friends are against it is a HUGE red flag and there is more to the story than what is posted.
 
Most truly-in-love people would never let anyone talk them out of marriage. I agree, we’re not hearing the full story.

OP, don’t marry this man until you have no doubts. Then, if so, I doubt we’ll hear from you!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top