I suffer from OCD. Please help me

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allthatisgold93

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Hello everyone. I’m an eighteen year old girl who suffers from OCD. My latest worry is embarrassing to explain, but I need some advice (and especially prayers). For some weird reason, my feelings have become numb towards certain thoughts. Today I thought about murder and whether or not I thought it was right. It scared me because I couldn’t get a feeling that made me feel like I was against it, and that started to make me worry. Then I started thinking that I wouldn’t commit it, not because of other people’s feelings, but because it is a mortal sin and that I am afraid of going to hell. So here I am thinking that I am a selfish person who would not commit a mortal sin solely for the purpose of fear of not going to heaven.

Do I sound insane? I am on medication, but lately it has not been working as well. However, I have read that it is possible to get a “flare up” of OCD on occasion, so I am hoping that this will go away soon.

So, could I not go to heaven for thinking so selfishly? It really scares me that I would not commit a crime only because I’m worried about punishment from God. I have prayed and asked God to help me not want to sin because it would hurt Him and others…but at the same time, I wonder if I really feel that way at all, and it’s just the OCD that is making me think such strange things in the first place. Please pray for me. I hope you do not think less of me because of this. :confused:
 
No, you are not insane. You are obsessing however. Have you been able to talk to your doctor and let him know that your worries are increasing?

And I am praying for you.

🙂
 
TheRealJuliane said:
No, you are not insane. You are obsessing however. Have you been able to talk to your doctor and let him know that your worries are increasing?

And I am praying for you.

🙂
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Thank you sooo much for your answer! I am actually feeling better. I am close friends with a family, and every week we all get together and say the Rosary, which I believe really helped me today.

To answer your question, I am going to see my counselor this week, and will discuss the problem with my medication then.
 
allthatisgold93 said:
Thank you sooo much for your answer! I am actually feeling better. I am close friends with a family, and every week we all get together and say the Rosary, which I believe really helped me today.

To answer your question, I am going to see my counselor this week, and will discuss the problem with my medication then.
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Good. I am glad you feel better, that the rosary helped you, and that you are going to see your counselor.

Do not worry, dear sister in Christ, about these thoughts and feelings, or lack of feelings. Know that Jesus does not want you to worry yourself this way. You are not numb to murder, you have just never experienced anything like it to worry about. Your mind is focusing on things you don’t need to give consideration to. But this too shall pass. Here is a handy prayer I say often.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I also sometimes just say the Jesus prayer. Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner.

And if I am truly in desperation, just “9-1-1~!” That’s my emergency call to Jesus!

He is always with us, waiting to give us peace.

There was a night 2 years ago, when my depression was at its worst, and I was lying in bed, and I experienced 2 realities at the same time. One was that I am such a tiny little part of the huge universe, a speck of sand really. And the second, which I experienced at the exact same time, is that God loves me immensely and totally. Even if I am a dust mote, God loves me, I am HIS dust mote, and His love is always with me.

I have never yet been able to explain this sufficiently to anyone, but perhaps it will give you some sort of comfort. God does love you immensely and totally, in the middle of your worst worries.

:hug1:
 
I also have OCD too! I, however, opted out from the medication. At times, I get so much anxiety from it, I pretty much sit in a corner because I can’t do anything right! I know exactly what your going through! ;):knight2:
 
Methinks much of what powers OCD and other similar issues (those not organically related) is a great deal of fear. I do know that love casts out all fear. I do know my daughter was OCD to the point of being, for all practical intents and purposes, incapacitated. She went to a Steubenville Satellite campus retreat which has quite a reputation for the Adoration Room. She went there and cried non - stop for hours. She tells me she very much sensed the prescence of our Lord in a very real and personal way. This experience was not uncommon at the retreat for other teen - agers as well. She has since been 98% OCD free. That was two years ago.

Of course consult a Dr. that you trust and is current in the latest treatments. However I would recommend you recommend yourself to every prayer group you can. Attend adoration and of course Mass. Go to healing services. Try to learn to trust. Love as much as you can.

I realize that some of what I have said may sound officious. Oh well. I try. I should perhaps one day have her put her story in a thread in this forum. She explains much better than I.
 
You’re in my prayers.

Give thanks to God that you had the courage to seek professional advice. I myself suffer with OCD, which takes on several different forms, from excessive hand washing to repeated blasphemous images appearing in my head. Sometimes they get to the point where you just want to hide under your bed and say “Lord I’m sorry”.
 
Please do have your daughter post, Nimzovik. I suffer from OCD/scruples as well. I believe it to be both a biological and spiritual issue. I think it does serve a purpose (in my case anyway) in that my fear of sin has led me to learn much, much more about what the church teaches and it helps keep me on the straight and narrow. At the same time, I am hoping at some point God will heal me of this affliction. I am just now beginning to read St. Faustina’s Diary, in the hope that it will help me to see more of God’s mercy as opposed to focusing so much on His justice.
 
You have received some awesome advice here.
I had OCD before it was known as OCD. It all started when I was about 11 years old. I knew something was wrong with me, but I was afraid to tell my parents or sibling at the time. I was afraid I would end up in a sanatorium. It was dominating me. It was of the repetitive action type of OCD (like in the Aviator movie). There were moments in my life when I was a teenager that I thought I could no longest handle it. Somehow I managed to control it in my mind. I would do the repletions in my head, so that it did not seem like something was wrong with me. I remember I would pray a lot to Jesus and St Jude for help. Interestingly I was able to hide it well from family and friends for so many years. So much that when I finally told my wife I had OCD, she didn’t believe me. I had to come clean because at one point when my daughter was 15 she was exhibiting odd behavior, and when we took her to see a Dr. we were asked if there were any mental health issues in the family. We said “no”, but it was eating at me, and Finally I made a private appointment with the same Dr. and told her about my OCD. I told her I did not need to be tested, as I’ve known all my life, and that finally one day I read about OCD, and I was so relieved I finally knew what was wrong with me. The Dr. was amazed on how well I managed the OCD on my own. By this time I was 51. I’m now 58. My daughter BTW is doing well now. The Dr put me on antidepressants, and had therapy for a year. I have to say this helped, but eventually decided that if I managed the OCD for so many years, and can do it without the meds. I’m doing very well now. Better than ever. My whole point to this is that prayer, and the healing power of my Lord has helped me manage through this ugly decease.
Please keep seeing your Dr. Every case is different, but keep your faith and trust in God first.

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
allthatisgold93 said:
Do I sound insane? I am on medication, but lately it has not been working as well. However, I have read that it is possible to get a “flare up” of OCD on occasion, so I am hoping that this will go away soon.
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I say this in all kindness. The most we can do here is offer our prayers and words of encouragement. In addition to this, you also need:
  • to let your physician know ASAP that there’s been a loss of efficacy in your medication(s). Your doctor can then re-evaluate your medication schedule and adjustments as necessary. Please do not stop taking your medications or self-adjust the dosages. See your physician.
  • to find a spiritual director who’s familiar with OCD and scrupulosity. If you do not know how to go about this, see your priest.
  • a cognitive behavior therapist to help you develop a sense for what your OCD triggers are, how it manifests in you, and coping strategies for dealing with it.
I’ve been living with OCD for longer than you’ve been alive, allthatisgold. 🙂 It’s not an easy cross to carry. Some hours, some days, some months, some seasons are better than others. Don’t give up.

Luna
 
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