I Take It Back - Three is the Hardest

  • Thread starter Thread starter pensmama87
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

pensmama87

Guest
When my youngest was first born, I had a lot of people ask how many kids felt “the hardest.” Since I had such an easy delivery and recovery with him, it felt natural to say “two.” And for the first bit, three was easier than two. My oldest (4) had preschool three mornings a week and napped almost every afternoon. My second son was a very capable, happy two year old. The youngest is definitely the easiest baby we’ve had yet.

But now my oldest doesn’t nap. He’s in kindergarten during the little kids’ naptime, but I’m running errands with three kids in the mornings. The past few days he hasn’t had school (conferences) and I’m about to lose my mind. My middle is three with a vengeance. My youngest is finding his own independence, but he’s still a baby with baby needs. At this point, three is harder. Way, way, way harder. And I’m equipped for it - sorta - and I know it will pass - at least that’s what I hear. I do enjoy the baby/preschooler/kid snuggles, and sometimes even the noise. But sometimes I want to just crawl in a cave and sleep until spring.

I’m not totally out of Babyland yet. I have five years to go until my oldest hits the magic age of 10, although already he really is capable of quite a lot, and I’ve been training him in some kitchen, laundry, and other housekeeping duties. I’ve always been impatient, though (I almost wrote “(name removed by moderator)atient,” ha - there’s a Freudian slip) and I’m running on fumes.

Just venting, I suppose. I know there are people out there with worse troubles than me, and I know this is temporary. But oh, it is hard.
 
pensmama87 said:
When my youngest was first born, I had a lot of people ask how many kids felt “the hardest.” Since I had such an easy delivery and recovery with him, it felt natural to say “two.” And for the first bit, three was easier than two. My oldest (4) had preschool three mornings a week and napped almost every afternoon. My second son was a very capable, happy two year old. The youngest is definitely the easiest baby we’ve had yet.

But now my oldest doesn’t nap. He’s in kindergarten during the little kids’ naptime, but I’m running errands with three kids in the mornings. The past few days he hasn’t had school (conferences) and I’m about to lose my mind. My middle is three with a vengeance. My youngest is finding his own independence, but he’s still a baby with baby needs. At this point, three is harder. Way, way, way harder. And I’m equipped for it - sorta - and I know it will pass - at least that’s what I hear. I do enjoy the baby/preschooler/kid snuggles, and sometimes even the noise. But sometimes I want to just crawl in a cave and sleep until spring.

I’m not totally out of Babyland yet. I have five years to go until my oldest hits the magic age of 10, although already he really is capable of quite a lot, and I’ve been training him in some kitchen, laundry, and other housekeeping duties. I’ve always been impatient, though (I almost wrote “(name removed by moderator)atient,” ha - there’s a Freudian slip) and I’m running on fumes.

Just venting, I suppose. I know there are people out there with worse troubles than me, and I know this is temporary. But oh, it is hard.
Click to expand...
:console: I’m so sorry! I’m sure it’s hard beyond measure at times. Your husband hasn’t been as present as he should be (unless that’s changed) which only makes it harder. In many respects you are experiencing the struggles of a single parent. I hope and pray your situation gets better soon with the aging of your boys. :gopray:
 
Hang in there! I only have an 8mo but I did work at a school in their pre-k class. That age is adorable but completely exhausting! I hope you get a chance to relax and have some “you time” soon!
 
Ack! I must admit, not what I want to hear when Kid 3 is due to pop out next month…but hang in there. This too shall pass.
 
pensmama87 said:
When my youngest was first born, I had a lot of people ask how many kids felt “the hardest.” Since I had such an easy delivery and recovery with him, it felt natural to say “two.” And for the first bit, three was easier than two. My oldest (4) had preschool three mornings a week and napped almost every afternoon. My second son was a very capable, happy two year old. The youngest is definitely the easiest baby we’ve had yet.

But now my oldest doesn’t nap. He’s in kindergarten during the little kids’ naptime, but I’m running errands with three kids in the mornings. The past few days he hasn’t had school (conferences) and I’m about to lose my mind. My middle is three with a vengeance. My youngest is finding his own independence, but he’s still a baby with baby needs. At this point, three is harder. Way, way, way harder. And I’m equipped for it - sorta - and I know it will pass - at least that’s what I hear. I do enjoy the baby/preschooler/kid snuggles, and sometimes even the noise. But sometimes I want to just crawl in a cave and sleep until spring.

I’m not totally out of Babyland yet. I have five years to go until my oldest hits the magic age of 10, although already he really is capable of quite a lot, and I’ve been training him in some kitchen, laundry, and other housekeeping duties. I’ve always been impatient, though (I almost wrote “(name removed by moderator)atient,” ha - there’s a Freudian slip) and I’m running on fumes.

Just venting, I suppose. I know there are people out there with worse troubles than me, and I know this is temporary. But oh, it is hard.
Click to expand...
I bet your oldest will be AMAZING by 10. I suspect that even by 7 or 8, he will be able to do a lot.

You probably have been running on fumes. With my youngest, I think I was running on sheer adrenaline and coffee for the first 18+ months and then I started falling apart. So, I did what I had never done before and put Baby Girl into one-day PDO just before her second birthday. And she did fine. We cranked it up to two days a week the next year. We had some bumps at the beginning of this year, but I put her into a different PDO program and she’d done great.

I’ve really noticed the past 2.5 years that there’s a real need to keep recalibrating.
 
From reading your posts, it actually sounds like you are doing a good job. I am sure it doesn’t feel like it but you probably are
 
Get Grandma to help out. Maybe she will agree to come live with you. (Just joking.)
 
Some day you will look back fondly on these times. (From a mother of young adults)
 
I’m not sure which one was the “hardest” and it’s probably not constructive or healthy to look at it that way. I know that each child presents different challenges. The first is probably the most life changing, and yes, number three is when they start to “out number” you. I also know that especially when someone adds “probably just venting” at the end that they are indeed probably just venting but something about it just makes me cringe a little.

Three was not “hard” for us. Neither was four or five. However at different times “life” has been extremely hard. When my wife was pregnant with number five and she worked full time and got her masters degree while we lived in the middle of the Midwest with no family or friends, that was hard.
When my second had life threatening health issues and we didn’t know if she would live. That was hard. But the number, or even the personality of each kid was not “hard”

Life can get hard but perhaps we shouldn’t lay that at the foot of an innocent child.

Sometimes, these threads give me nightmares. We need to have an outlet to talk to others about real struggles. Yes. But, I wonder, someday when we die, and our writings on CAF are somehow discovered, will they cause pain to those we love the most…
 
I think she meant three children are hard, not that the third is the hardest child.

I have three. My third is probably now the easiest one, but he was a preemie. When he was born I had very little family support.

So, for a while it was pretty hard, especially when insurance wouldn’t pay for his RSV vaccine, and I needed to keep him segregated from other kids.

The OP’s kids are all close in age, so I think the harder part is now with the kindergartner being the oldest. Soon they’ll all be at school.

Ten is a nice age, but they turn into teens not far after that. 😉
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
I think she meant three children are hard, not that the third is the hardest child.

I have three. My third is probably now the easiest one, but he was a preemie. When he was born I had very little family support.

So, for a while it was pretty hard, especially when insurance wouldn’t pay for his RSV vaccine, and I needed to keep him segregated from other kids.

The OP’s kids are all close in age, so I think the harder part is now with the kindergartner being the oldest. Soon they’ll all be at school.

Ten is a nice age, but they turn into teens not far after that. 😉
Click to expand...
But they’re so smart! And they can help you do your job so much better!
 
Hmmm. We’re starting to plan on number three. Two babies is pretty easy, but three is another story. It would be really hard for either of us to take them anywhere by alone because one can really only carry two at a time. Our daily lives didn’t change a whole lot between one and two, but transportation issues alone would cause an issue with a third baby. I guess I’ll have to settle my “baby fever” and wait. Anyway, I just managed to register my car for another two years. That gives me two years to save up for a car I can legally transport three kids in at once. And if we aim for a conception date around February of 2018, my oldest will be in kindy a couple months before he or she would be born.

Can you tell I want another baby?
 
Allegra said:
Hmmm. We’re starting to plan on number three. Two babies is pretty easy, but three is another story. It would be really hard for either of us to take them anywhere by alone because one can really only carry two at a time. Our daily lives didn’t change a whole lot between one and two, but transportation issues alone would cause an issue with a third baby. I guess I’ll have to settle my “baby fever” and wait. Anyway, I just managed to register my car for another two years. That gives me two years to save up for a car I can legally transport three kids in at once. And if we aim for a conception date around February of 2018, my oldest will be in kindy a couple months before he or she would be born.

Can you tell I want another baby?
Click to expand...
Ha - just wait a few months. 😉

I always get baby crazy right around 8 or 9 months. The newborn phase is over, but toddlerhood has yet to kick in. I haven’t been fertile at that point ever, so I don’t know why I get that way, but a couple months go by and then I’m happy I’m not also having morning sickness. 😉

I love my children dearly, and I don’t think it would be psychologically damaging for them to know later in life that these years were hard. In fact, if they become parents themselves, I hope I can remember how hard it was and offer appropriate encouragement and support, and let them know that it’s ok sometimes to feel overwhelmed. I don’t have that kind of support in my life. My husband was an only and my own parents are emotionally unavailable.

Today has been better. I got to go to bed early last night and my husband and I both went to confession this morning. We’ve both been much kinder to each other since.
 
pensmama87 said:
Ha - just wait a few months. 😉

I always get baby crazy right around 8 or 9 months. The newborn phase is over, but toddlerhood has yet to kick in. I haven’t been fertile at that point ever, so I don’t know why I get that way, but a couple months go by and then I’m happy I’m not also having morning sickness. 😉

I love my children dearly, and I don’t think it would be psychologically damaging for them to know later in life that these years were hard. In fact, if they become parents themselves, I hope I can remember how hard it was and offer appropriate encouragement and support, and let them know that it’s ok sometimes to feel overwhelmed. I don’t have that kind of support in my life. My husband was an only and my own parents are emotionally unavailable.

Today has been better. I got to go to bed early last night and my husband and I both went to confession this morning. We’ve both been much kinder to each other since.
Click to expand...
Well, my son’s 13 months so he’s muuuuuch older! 😛

We really do have it pretty easy now and we probably shouldn’t mess up our equilibrium for a little while at least. We’re constantly told we’re lucky because our kids are really even-tempered, sleep through the night, and more or less do what we expect them to do. (Although my daughter has just figured out how to pick the lock on her bedroom door with puzzle pieces and her plastic spatula.) My mother says we’d be crazy to risk messing up a good thing because the chance of us producing yet another “easy” baby is next to none. Still, I worry that if we put it off, we might never have another one and I do want to have another one. I’d actually like to have maybe two, but who knows? I had lots of siblings growing up and I loved that and I wish my kids could experience that, but I do want them to at least have a couple siblings.
 
pensmama87 said:
Ha - just wait a few months. 😉

**I always get baby crazy right around 8 or 9 months. **The newborn phase is over, but toddlerhood has yet to kick in. I haven’t been fertile at that point ever, so I don’t know why I get that way, but a couple months go by and then I’m happy I’m not also having morning sickness. 😉

I love my children dearly, and I don’t think it would be psychologically damaging for them to know later in life that these years were hard. In fact, if they become parents themselves, I hope I can remember how hard it was and offer appropriate encouragement and support, and let them know that it’s ok sometimes to feel overwhelmed. I don’t have that kind of support in my life. My husband was an only and my own parents are emotionally unavailable.

Today has been better. I got to go to bed early last night and my husband and I both went to confession this morning. We’ve both been much kinder to each other since.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I think I start thinking “I want another one” around 5-6 months. It’s a really charming age.
 
Allegra said:
Well, my son’s 13 months so he’s muuuuuch older! 😛

We really do have it pretty easy now and we probably shouldn’t mess up our equilibrium for a little while at least. We’re constantly told we’re lucky because our kids are really even-tempered, sleep through the night, and more or less do what we expect them to do. (Although my daughter has just figured out how to pick the lock on her bedroom door with puzzle pieces and her plastic spatula.) My mother says we’d be crazy to risk messing up a good thing because the chance of us producing yet another “easy” baby is next to none. Still, I worry that if we put it off, we might never have another one and I do want to have another one. I’d actually like to have maybe two, but who knows? I had lots of siblings growing up and I loved that and I wish my kids could experience that, but I do want them to at least have a couple siblings.
Click to expand...
And gifted, too!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top