M
Miguelita
Guest
So I was emailing my cousin over the day today, whos my age and has recently moved out on her own. We live far away from each other, and she’s closer to our extended family. Her immediate family is not very close. Nor is our extended family, but among us, her immediate family is the worst. Very crass, cruel, and her father is emotionally neglectful while her mother was never in the picture.
She’d hoped her relationships would improve once she moved out, but they didn’t. She’s very devout, very bookish and sweet, and has never fit in with her family. However, I’m concerend about her recent decision to simply cut ties with most of them. She stil s peaks to a few, but says she’s calmer and happer and it’s better for everyone if she just send holiday cards and leaves it at that. I’m not sure how I like this, esoecially how she has no relationship with her father.
I asked her today, didn’t she feel lonely, not activily seeking to contact the family? but she insists she’s not, and she’s happier than she ever has been. But I just don’t see how one can honor their father when they most she does is send a text once in a blue moon. I know he wasn’t realy a good father, and could be abusive, but I think it’s a little too far, especially with what she told me next.
She says she isn’t lonely. She has friends, from her college and from church, a couple. they attend Mass sometimes, but often she goes alone. When I asked how she felt about that, she said her friends and the few family members she keeps in contact with are enough. Besides, she sometimes indulges in a little imaginative play. She says on days where she’s feeling lonely, or has no one to go to Mass with, she sometimes pretends she has more friends to go with, or a different family. I’m sorry, but imaginary friends, an imaginary father-figure, those sorts of things are for children, and I don’t feel they have a place in an adults life. However, when I told her this, she seemed very hurt. She says she knows it’s just imaginary, just play, and it doesn’t interfere with her real-world relationships, so what’s the harm?
I feel the harm comes from her seeming to break the Lords commandment to honor thy mother and father. If she’s indulging a fantasy father as being with her while she’s cooking supper, how is that NOT disrespecting her real father? She’s told me she understands my concern, but would really rather not discuss this with me further. Was I too harsh to judge her? am I being scrupulous on he rbehalf?
She’d hoped her relationships would improve once she moved out, but they didn’t. She’s very devout, very bookish and sweet, and has never fit in with her family. However, I’m concerend about her recent decision to simply cut ties with most of them. She stil s peaks to a few, but says she’s calmer and happer and it’s better for everyone if she just send holiday cards and leaves it at that. I’m not sure how I like this, esoecially how she has no relationship with her father.
I asked her today, didn’t she feel lonely, not activily seeking to contact the family? but she insists she’s not, and she’s happier than she ever has been. But I just don’t see how one can honor their father when they most she does is send a text once in a blue moon. I know he wasn’t realy a good father, and could be abusive, but I think it’s a little too far, especially with what she told me next.
She says she isn’t lonely. She has friends, from her college and from church, a couple. they attend Mass sometimes, but often she goes alone. When I asked how she felt about that, she said her friends and the few family members she keeps in contact with are enough. Besides, she sometimes indulges in a little imaginative play. She says on days where she’s feeling lonely, or has no one to go to Mass with, she sometimes pretends she has more friends to go with, or a different family. I’m sorry, but imaginary friends, an imaginary father-figure, those sorts of things are for children, and I don’t feel they have a place in an adults life. However, when I told her this, she seemed very hurt. She says she knows it’s just imaginary, just play, and it doesn’t interfere with her real-world relationships, so what’s the harm?
I feel the harm comes from her seeming to break the Lords commandment to honor thy mother and father. If she’s indulging a fantasy father as being with her while she’s cooking supper, how is that NOT disrespecting her real father? She’s told me she understands my concern, but would really rather not discuss this with me further. Was I too harsh to judge her? am I being scrupulous on he rbehalf?