I think my friend is gay

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One of my cousins is extremely clean…extremely organized, great at choosing clothes, and even speaks in a kind of i don’t want to say feminie kind of tone but kind of…Yet he loves women, hasn’t been in a relationship for a while I heard last he was engaged! 😃 She’s a lucky woman! He’s a great guy!! He’s not gay…

Your friend’s behavior sounds like my fiance and his friend…His friend after they were drunk several years ago, decided to “show who’s tougher!” It was so ridiculous! He didn’t tell anyone he wanted to see whom was tougher, he just grabbed my fiance and hugged him really tight then started choking him, fiance pushed him off and a fight started… alcohol not good partners with “tough” men…

Maybe that’s what your friend was trying to do…show off, show off his manlyness, his toughness…Sometimes a sexual kind of showing off scares another man distracts him enough where they will leave him vulnerable and the other guy comes off as the tough one…In other words trying to distract you from defending yourself so you look like a whimp…My brother’s friend’s would try and do that to him but my brother is not a skinny or small man…He’s almost 6 ft 280 lbs bench presses 450 lbs… not a small man at all…He’s been weightlifting since he was 18…is now 25…so believe me when his friends would try to do things like that he would put them in their place…he wasn’t allowing anyone to make him feel vulnerable…He was good at reading those signs and these guys aren’t gay…🤷 They do stupid disturbing stuff like hugging and pretending kissing it’s gross but they are huge clowns too, lol, I just think they are immature boys! LOL

In either case it’s wrong…and you need to have a talk with your friend… that kind of behavior is not tolerated…and he needs to know that…now if you want to go personal with him and ask him if he might have some homo tendencies friends can do that and talk about it you know?! If you are comfortable enough to talk about it with him…If not just try to slow down the amount of time you spend together…give each other space and let him know you are not tolerating such behavior ever again…

Good luck GOD bless…
 
Why is it important to know whether or not one’s friend is gay? There are a couple of people in my circles who I think seem gay. It is not any of my business. I love them the same as the rest.

None of them or anyone else has pinned me against the wall. There are two reasons.
  1. They would end up face first on the ground if they tried.
  2. We are not drunk when we get together.
My best advice is to stay away from drunks - whether they are gay drunks or straight drunks.
 
prodigalson12 said:
Last night was the final straw, he was trying to pin me to the wall, holding my wrists and I felt rather violated and would not keep his hands off of me, so opted to leave the party immediately and go home.

I got a call from him apologizing for his behavior, he blamed it on the alcohol, but honestly, can you really blame it? Surely there are underlying factors involved here, us guys “at least if we are straight” simply do not behave this way no matter how much alcohol is involved., He’s into reading scripture, say’s outwardly that he’s firmly against homosexuality, and even states that he has problems with homosexuals, but this behavior is just bizzar, and I have also heard people mention that sometimes people that are homophobic are secretly gay themselves.

Anyway, looking for some advice on how to deal with this situation, it’s awkward to say the least, and I wouldn’t have a problem with him as a friend if he was out of the closet, but at the same time, I would and do now have one with his invading my personal space, especially in the manner that happened last night.
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My only advice is this: who can bench more, you or your friend? The reason I am asking this is this: if he grabs your wrists and pins you against a wall, and there are witnesses, you would (or should) be legally justified in decking him. Unfortunately, Christian or not, a good right cross to the ol’ schnozzola is the only thing some people will understand, especially among males who are playing the “alpha doggie” games. Maybe an outing (pardon the pun) to a gym for an open sparring session where you send him flying into the ropes will deliver the message that he would be stupid to try something like that again and that you are the “alpha doggie”.
 
Well, it is interesting that he makes a point to tell you that he is against homosexuality. Does this come up in conversation naturally? Is he Catholic, or otherwise religious? If homosexuality comes up in conversation in the future, perhaps you can casually mention that there is actually a Catholic support group for gay people trying to remain chaste, called Courage. If he knows it exists, he may look into it on his own. I think this: couragerc.net/ is the website, though not positive, since my web browser blocked it.
 
He’s not Catholic, and the subject does come up in converstation, mainly due to his x wife turning Gay, but I’ve always told him it’s not the person, it’s the sin that matters in this case, so I guess I’m approachable in this manner, but it may have been misconstrude by him as being something different.
 
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