I want Jesus to physically come into my house

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randirhoades

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Don’t know where to put this. I don’t feel well and my heart hurts since my Mom told me I put myself in the situation when my brother tried to kill me. He overdosed on Meth again in December of last year. He has tried to hurt me four times and I’ve forgiven him. I love him so much. My brother is incarcerated now. All I’ve ever done is try to help my brother and be there for him. My Mother said brother has to kneel down and walk on hot coals for her forgiveness for doing drugs. I told her he is paying for his sins. And why does he have to ask her forgiveness? It was me he’s tried to hurt and do away with.

She severely beat us when small up till we could tell her not to touch us anymore. Yet, the verbal abuse is going on to this day. She recently said she had the worst kids on earth. And I’m 59 years old. Mom is in her 80s but is healthier than I am.

I want Jesus to physically come to me so I can cry on His shoulder and talk to Him. Don’t get me wrong, I talk to Him as it is…but I wish I could see Him. Perhaps I’m not good enough. Been thinking about that lately too.

I continue to pray for all your endeavors on my Prayer thread. And I’m sorry for them. hugs all of you

Love, Sheila

I know this too shall pass…I just have to lean on God and His promises and abundant love. Thank you for letting me post.
 
:console: I wish I could be there to let you cry on my shoulder. Do you have a close friend you can talk to? We are to be Christ to one another in this life. 🙂 Have you gone to counseling? I recommend counseling–for all you’ve been through, and are still going through, with your family.

Your mother sounds like a deeply troubled person, so don’t take her words to heart or her actions. It seems your brother is a victim of her actions, as well, but he couldn’t deal with it as you have, thus his bad actions that landed him in prison.

Jesus is always with us to comfort us when we need him. Call on him, give him your hurt, and he will give you peace. Still it would be prudent for you to get a good counselor, if you don’t have one. I feel so badly for you–for all you’ve been through and still have to deal with. Such sufferings can be rich in grace when given to God in union with Christ’s sufferings. I pray you and your family receive the peace and joy you long for. You have my prayers. :crossrc:
 
Sheila, Jesus is present in the people around you who want to help and support you. Please, please talk to your parish priest about your situation if you have not already done so. You need a group of people around you who will lift you up with their prayers, love and advice. Please be assured of my prayers. God bless you. :console:
 
The longing in your heart really touched me. To crave that physical companionship of Christ, to be able to put your head on his shoulder and cry–I have felt that, too. I am a tactile person. I want to look at him. I want to touch him and feel him touch me. These are the things we will have in Heaven. I know I am preaching to the choir because you are one of the faithful, but He really is with you and listening to you. I had a friend who believed she could “see” how Jesus would hold individual people. She said that whenever she looked at me, she envisioned him standing behind me with both arms around my shoulders, and his head nestled next to mine. And truthfully, I’ve also always imagined this would be exactly how he would comfort me. Sometimes, I can gather a piece of the comfort I am looking for when I focus my mind on envisioning it. Sometimes, I will hug a pillow while emptying my heart out to our Lord. But always, I know that even though I can’t touch Him he is still holding me. I am praying for you!!
 
Along with everyone’s great comments I wanted to add, that we do have Jesus physically present in the Eucharist. Each time you receive offer up your heartache and family troubles to him. And when the consecrated hosts are put in the tabernacle, put your needs in with them, so they will be closed in Jesus’ heart.

Also, ask Our Mother Mary to comfort you–to put you and keep you under the mantle of her special protection. She knew great sufferings: from Jesus’ life being threatened as a baby to his being rejected by Israel, to his death on the cross. Tell her your sorrows and let her put her arms around you and sustain you as only a truly loving mother can.
 
Awwww, thank you for your kind words. All of you.

I’ve seen a Counselor for years. So, did my older sister. To not be like my Mother and to deal with my pain. And I was a Director of a Mental Facility. Still, I let negativity in and I let what my Mother says get to me.

My feelings are these…I always wanted a Mom. In every spectrum of a caring Mother. I know my Mother can’t do that. It’s not in her nature to do so. She never has been caring. (So, I told myself today for the hundredth time that the Virgin Mary was my Mom)

Finally, I’ve tried to make my Mom and my relationship work for years. Unfortunately, living in chaos is normal to her and she draws me into her high stress, chaotic world. I live in Peace and harmony in my house. Usually. But, sometimes being stressed and disabled makes it hard to maintain my human feelings. Thus, I revert back to the sludge I put myself in and write about it. It’s a fight every day for me to even smile when I’m in pain. (Broke my neck years ago and I have other illnesses besides that)

I hug all of you and pray that your future is filled with peace, joy, love and many blessings from God. I continue to pray for all of you.

Love,
Sheila
 
randirhoades said:
Awwww, thank you for your kind words. All of you.

I’ve seen a Counselor for years. So, did my older sister. To not be like my Mother and to deal with my pain. And I was a Director of a Mental Facility. Still, I let negativity in and I let what my Mother says get to me.

My feelings are these…I always wanted a Mom. In every spectrum of a caring Mother. I know my Mother can’t do that. It’s not in her nature to do so. She never has been caring. (So, I told myself today for the hundredth time that the Virgin Mary was my Mom)

Finally, I’ve tried to make my Mom and my relationship work for years. Unfortunately, living in chaos is normal to her and she draws me into her high stress, chaotic world. I live in Peace and harmony in my house. Usually. But, sometimes being stressed and disabled makes it hard to maintain my human feelings. Thus, I revert back to the sludge I put myself in and write about it. It’s a fight every day for me to even smile when I’m in pain. (Broke my neck years ago and I have other illnesses besides that)

I hug all of you and pray that your future is filled with peace, joy, love and many blessings from God. I continue to pray for all of you.

Love,
Sheila
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I think I understand where you’re coming from–although only from a distance since my childhood and life now weren’t any where near as troublesome as what you went through. :hug1:

Jesus too still bears the scars of his suffering–they’re badges of honor, really. We all have such such scars–some much deeper than other, of course. But knowing that even Jesus didn’t escape without them can sometimes help us bear up under ours, as well. I hope all your future days will be happy and peaceful. ❤️
 
((Sheila)),

I am so very sorry for your struggles.

Jesus left us His Mother to be our Mother, too, and that is how I look at her.

When I am not feeling well, I pray for comfort, too.

May God bless you, dear Sheila. 🙂
 
randirhoades said:
Awwww, thank you for your kind words. All of you.

I’ve seen a Counselor for years. So, did my older sister. To not be like my Mother and to deal with my pain. And I was a Director of a Mental Facility. Still, I let negativity in and I let what my Mother says get to me.

My feelings are these…I always wanted a Mom. In every spectrum of a caring Mother. I know my Mother can’t do that. It’s not in her nature to do so. She never has been caring. (So, I told myself today for the hundredth time that the Virgin Mary was my Mom)

Finally, I’ve tried to make my Mom and my relationship work for years. Unfortunately, living in chaos is normal to her and she draws me into her high stress, chaotic world. I live in Peace and harmony in my house. Usually. But, sometimes being stressed and disabled makes it hard to maintain my human feelings. Thus, I revert back to the sludge I put myself in and write about it. It’s a fight every day for me to even smile when I’m in pain. (Broke my neck years ago and I have other illnesses besides that)

I hug all of you and pray that your future is filled with peace, joy, love and many blessings from God. I continue to pray for all of you.

Love,
Sheila
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Keep on persevering, Sheila! I’m praying to St. Joseph to intercede for you to Jesus for His presence and tangible love. God bless.
 
Hi Sheila,
Your posts touched my heart. You expressed your desire so poignantly. :hug1:I wonder, do you pray the rosary? You said you talk to Mary and if you don’t pray it, you could try it. I found that Mary became the mother I needed during a very difficult period and praying the rosary made me feel much more loved and closer to her.
 
Once at Mass, when I was a new convert, I was having doubts about God’s love for me. I feared I wasn’t worthy to receive the Eucharist or to be accepted by him. I won’t say that I had a vision, as such, but as I gazed where Father was distributing the Sacrament, I saw Jesus standing there with his arms open, smiling at me. It was just a momentary impression, but peace entered my heart and I have never felt unloved or unworthy since that day. Jesus is always with us to comfort us. We aren’t always aware that he is there, but he is. 🙂
 
Della said:
Once at Mass, when I was a new convert, I was having doubts about God’s love for me. I feared I wasn’t worthy to receive the Eucharist or to be accepted by him. I won’t say that I had a vision, as such, but as I gazed where Father was distributing the Sacrament, I saw Jesus standing there with his arms open, smiling at me. It was just a momentary impression, but peace entered my heart and I have never felt unloved or unworthy since that day. Jesus is always with us to comfort us. We aren’t always aware that he is there, but he is. 🙂
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You were blessed.

I never had that happen to me, I wish it would. I need that peace.
 
BobCatholic said:
You were blessed.

I never had that happen to me, I wish it would. I need that peace.
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You may not have such an experience. I seem to receive such things from time to time–I don’t know why. I must really need such consolations. Although I haven’t had any new impressions of that kind in a long time–probably because God has brought me to another place in our relationship. Anyway, pray for His peace. In his good time, when you need it most, it will be granted to you. Perhaps not for some time or perhaps not until you are dying–who knows? Only God can determine what we need when we need it. But know that he is always with us, most especially when we have no sense of his presence–for that is when we need him the most.
 
Della said:
You may not have such an experience. I seem to receive such things from time to time–I don’t know why. I must really need such consolations. Although I haven’t had any new impressions of that kind in a long time–probably because God has brought me to another place in our relationship. Anyway, pray for His peace. In his good time, when you need it most, it will be granted to you. Perhaps not for some time or perhaps not until you are dying–who knows? Only God can determine what we need when we need it. But know that he is always with us, most especially when we have no sense of his presence–for that is when we need him the most.
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Yes, I need such consolations or encouragements too.

Logically, rationally, I understand why God does the “dark night” - God wants us to get attached to him, and not to the “warm fuzzies” he gives us. He wants the true friends who will be with him even if they don’t get the “warm fuzzies.”

But emotionally, I don’t understand it. I need God to encourage me, to comfort me, to give me hope by…the warm fuzzies. I could possibly live life without ever having the warm fuzzies, but then I’ll never know how God really is loving - I’d only see him as harsh. I’d wonder if I could love someone cold like that. I’d wonder if it is even worthwhile to go to heaven.

Sometimes I want Daddy instead of Father. Sometimes I just want my Daddy to give me a hug.
 
BobCatholic said:
Yes, I need such consolations or encouragements too.

Logically, rationally, I understand why God does the “dark night” - God wants us to get attached to him, and not to the “warm fuzzies” he gives us. He wants the true friends who will be with him even if they don’t get the “warm fuzzies.”

But emotionally, I don’t understand it. I need God to encourage me, to comfort me, to give me hope by…the warm fuzzies. I could possibly live life without ever having the warm fuzzies, but then I’ll never know how God really is loving - I’d only see him as harsh. I’d wonder if I could love someone cold like that. I’d wonder if it is even worthwhile to go to heaven.
=Sometimes I want Daddy instead of Father. Sometimes I just want my Daddy to give me a hug.
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