I want to marry a Catholic

[Carriec]

The man I want to marry is Catholic. I am not, I have never considered myself a part of any organized religion. He tells me it is ok that I am not Catholic, but I know it’s important to both his family and his faith that I am.

I am not opposed to the idea of converting, but I don’t think that converting just to satisfy his Church is a good enough reason to become Catholic. I have mixed feelings about Catholocism, and I’m very confused about the religion as a whole. I really don’t know where to begin. I want to do right by him and his religion, and that does not mean going to church every Sunday and mouthing words I don’t believe in.

What do I do and where do I start? I’m so confused by everything, this is a whole new world that I know very little about.

 

[prodigalson12]

RCIA is all you need for now, once you know what the church is, what it teaches, you won’t be able to stop yourself from falling in love with it. For now, just go to class, learn at your own pace, and as long as you marry in the Church with the proper preparation, you’ll be safe and not at all joining the faith just because you feel obligated to, you are free to join afterwards, or not at all for that matter.

 

[Tietjen]

The man I want to marry is Catholic. I am not, I have never considered myself a part of any organized religion. He tells me it is ok that I am not Catholic, but I know it’s important to both his family and his faith that I am.

I am not opposed to the idea of converting, but I don’t think that converting just to satisfy his Church is a good enough reason to become Catholic. I have mixed feelings about Catholocism, and I’m very confused about the religion as a whole. I really don’t know where to begin. I want to do right by him and his religion, and that does not mean going to church every Sunday and mouthing words I don’t believe in.

What do I do and where do I start? I’m so confused by everything, this is a whole new world that I know very little about.

As prodigalson12 has already suggested, you should meet with the local parish priest about attending RCIA. Many (if not all) of your questions should be answered during the months of instruction. You will probably have to wait a few months as most RCIA classes start in late Summer or in the Fall. Until then, you may want to check out some Catholic Book stores and find some good books that explain dogma, Tradition, etc.

 

[Carriec]

Thank you so much for this. He always talks about his priest in such a glowing way I can’t wait to meet him. I’ll look into these RCIA classes as soon as possible.

I’m still worried though, what if I attend these classes and after they’re done I still don’t feel comfortable becoming a Catholic? What would happen to our marriage? Would it be best to wait to marry him until after I fully convert? I don’t want to ruin anything for him.

 

[vera_dicere]

My Catholic uncle married a Protestant. She wasn’t lookign to convert, but found herself on the business end of some of my devoutely Catholic grandmother’s less than tactful questions as to why she hadn’t converted.

However, after their second child was born, and my uncle got more into the spiritual side of his Catholic faith (kind of hard not to in my family!) She started to get curious, and ventured into it a little further, she knew the intellectual side of Catholicism but hadn’t seen it from a spiritual vantage. She fell in love with teh faith and converted.

Only you and him by extension know if you can handle not being a Catholic when you wed, you can go in expecting or suspecting you may convert, but you wont’ know until you reach that point. If he and his family are good Catholics and you get good answers to your questions, then hopefully their good influence will open you to the faith.

 

[Tietjen]

Thank you so much for this. He always talks about his priest in such a glowing way I can’t wait to meet him. I’ll look into these RCIA classes as soon as possible.

I’m still worried though, what if I attend these classes and after they’re done I still don’t feel comfortable becoming a Catholic? What would happen to our marriage? Would it be best to wait to marry him until after I fully convert? I don’t want to ruin anything for him.

Attending RCIA classes doesn’t require that you become a Catholic. If after going through RCIA you still don’t feel comfortable I’d encourage you to continue to be open and research our faith through study, but do not convert simply because you feel trapped into doing so or to make some one else happy.

I would encourage you and your fiancé to speak with his priest together concerning the marriage itself and I would urge you to allow for a Catholic ceremony. It is extremely important for Catholics to marry inside of the Church. This doesn’t require you to convert to Catholicism but you do need to speak with the priest and he can better explain the situation. God bless and I wish both of you much happiness.

 

[prodigalson12]

Thank you so much for this. He always talks about his priest in such a glowing way I can’t wait to meet him. I’ll look into these RCIA classes as soon as possible.

I’m still worried though, what if I attend these classes and after they’re done I still don’t feel comfortable becoming a Catholic? What would happen to our marriage? Would it be best to wait to marry him until after I fully convert? I don’t want to ruin anything for him.

If it’s any consolation, I’d rather my wife be a very devout protestant then a luke warm Catholic. Along waiting, it’s a matter of it may, or may not happen along converting, what would happen if you got through the class, was exposed to everything the faith has to offer, and still didn’t convert, you would have waited for nothing.

You are seeing with the responses here though, we have a lot of faith in our Church, as it stands alone, for what it is for those that give it an honest chance and understanding of what it is in regards to evangelizing by itself. The odds are unlikely that after it all you will decide it’s not right for you, be prepared for a wonderful, enlightening journey.

 

[Lutheranteach]

Learn, explore, decide

 

[emhansen6019]

Everyone has posted very good help about RCIA, but one important thing is to remember to PRAY! Ask God to show you truth. Don’t be afraid to even question Him about catholicism.

And I will be praying for you as well.

St. Augustine, pray for us.
St. Monica, pray for us.
St. Paul, pray for us.

 

[1ke]

The man I want to marry is Catholic. I am not, I have never considered myself a part of any organized religion. He tells me it is ok that I am not Catholic, but I know it’s important to both his family and his faith that I am.

I am not opposed to the idea of converting, but I don’t think that converting just to satisfy his Church is a good enough reason to become Catholic. I have mixed feelings about Catholocism, and I’m very confused about the religion as a whole. I really don’t know where to begin. I want to do right by him and his religion, and that does not mean going to church every Sunday and mouthing words I don’t believe in.

What do I do and where do I start? I’m so confused by everything, this is a whole new world that I know very little about.

Welcome! I am glad that you are interested in exploring Catholicism, and RCIA and talking with a priest are the places to start with that. You are not required to convert in order to marry a Catholic, nor should you convert just to make someone else happy. Becoming a Catholic is a lifelong commitment one should make out of true belief.

Regarding marriage, I suggest you two sit down with the priest and discuss both what it takes to get married in the Catholic Church and the long term ramifications of a mixed marriage-- especially a marriage between a believer and a non-believer.

Since your boyfriend is Catholic, he is required to follow the Catholic laws on marriage. This means he must get married in Catholic “form”-- in a Catholic Church before a priest and two witnesses. When marrying a non-Catholic the Church will dispense (relax the law) and allow the Catholic to marry in the non-Catholic’s place of worship or for a very good reason in a non-religious ceremony. The Bishop is the one who can give such a dispensation.

In order to marry a non-Catholic a Catholic has to have permission also. When that person is unbaptized it is a dispensation from disparity of cult and the Bishop must give this permission. In order for the Catholic to receive this permission the Catholic must give evidence that the marriage will not harm the practice of his faith and must promise to raise the children as Catholics.

You stated you are unsure about going to Church on Sunday and mouthing prayers you don’t believe in. How, then, will you live in a Catholic household and support your husband in raising children in the Catholic faith? This includes saying prayers at home (meal prayer, bedtime prayers), fostering a Catholic environment, ensuring the children receive religious instruction, the Sacraments, etc. What about when questions start to arise about why Mommy doesn’t go to Church or why Mommy doesn’t participate in the Sacraments or pray? The example of the parents is very important to children. Children in mixed religion marriages are often very confused.

It is difficult to be married when you don’t share the most fundamental, core beliefs that shape two people and inform their values, outlook on life, priorities, and actions.

These are things two mature individuals contemplating marriage need to think seriously about, discuss, agree upon, and make a plan of action to address before seriously committing to marriage.

 

[Thomas63116]

Hi! Welcome to the forums, and welcome to learning more about the Catholic faith. There are challenges that come with being married to someone of a different faith but they are not impossible (I am a Catholic married to a Lutheran, and I grew up in a household where dad was Catholic and mom was not). Some people on this forum have a very negative view of “mixed marriage.” The approach I have seen from most priests and parishioners is much more accepting.

I am not opposed to the idea of converting, but I don’t think that converting just to satisfy his Church is a good enough reason to become Catholic.

I think you’re on the right track. You should only join the Catholic Church if you beleive in it, not to satisfy someone else.

I have mixed feelings about Catholocism, and I’m very confused about the religion as a whole. I really don’t know where to begin. What do I do and where do I start? I’m so confused by everything, this is a whole new world that I know very little about.

Others have given you good advice about taking RCIA classes to learn more, talking with his pastor, etc. You can also ask questions here of course.

I want to do right by him and his religion, and that does not mean going to church every Sunday and mouthing words I don’t believe in.

I read this as a desire to be sincere in your beliefs and actions, which is a good thing. As you explore the Catholic faith and decide whether or not you wish to join the Church, you and your fiance should have some serious conversations about whether/how you would be able to help him raise your children in the Catholic faith if you decide you cannot join.

Prayers and best wishes for both of you.

 

[Carriec]

You stated you are unsure about going to Church on Sunday and mouthing prayers you don’t believe in. How, then, will you live in a Catholic household and support your husband in raising children in the Catholic faith? This includes saying prayers at home (meal prayer, bedtime prayers), fostering a Catholic environment, ensuring the children receive religious instruction, the Sacraments, etc. What about when questions start to arise about why Mommy doesn’t go to Church or why Mommy doesn’t participate in the Sacraments or pray? The example of the parents is very important to children. Children in mixed religion marriages are often very confused.

It is difficult to be married when you don’t share the most fundamental, core beliefs that shape two people and inform their values, outlook on life, priorities, and actions.

These are things two mature individuals contemplating marriage need to think seriously about, discuss, agree upon, and make a plan of action to address before seriously committing to marriage.

Thank you so much for this, and you bring up some very good points. We discussed a long time ago and I have already agreed that all of our children will be raised Catholic. I do want to do my best to become a Catholic myself, but I will not do it if I find I can’t follow it whole-heartedly. Since children are quite a way in the future if at all (I have a medical condition which may make it impossible) we hadn’t even begun to think about serious issues like these.

 

[Seatuck]

Thank you so much for this. He always talks about his priest in such a glowing way I can’t wait to meet him. I’ll look into these RCIA classes as soon as possible.

I’m still worried though, what if I attend these classes and after they’re done I still don’t feel comfortable becoming a Catholic? What would happen to our marriage? Would it be best to wait to marry him until after I fully convert? I don’t want to ruin anything for him.

The last bit is something only he can answer. Has he said he won’t marry you if you don’t convert? Or that their would be problems for his part? Have you ever been baptized? That it significant info.

You are correct in that you should not convert if you don’t believe the Catholic Church is the right church. The Church wouldn’t want you to violate your conscience like that either.

Catholics can marry non catholics with the proper permission from the church. Some distinctions must be made. You must be informed or inform yourself about what it means to be married to a Catholic. You should know about the practices and teachings we follow especially as to how they relate to marriage and raising children. So you are going to need to do some studying RCIA is a good way to start that education. There are some books I can recommend for you also. The Priest who will marry you needs to be satisfied that you will not hinder your spouse from practicing the faith and you will not hinder him in educating and raising the children as Catholics. So you are going to have to look deep and hard at that should you choose to reject the church.

You are pretty much a stranger in a strange land. Don’t be afraid to start exploring.You are not the first to be in this situation.

 

[rick43235]

The man I want to marry is Catholic. I am not, I have never considered myself a part of any organized religion. He tells me it is ok that I am not Catholic, but I know it’s important to both his family and his faith that I am.

I am not opposed to the idea of converting, but I don’t think that converting just to satisfy his Church is a good enough reason to become Catholic. I have mixed feelings about Catholocism, and I’m very confused about the religion as a whole. I really don’t know where to begin. I want to do right by him and his religion, and that does not mean going to church every Sunday and mouthing words I don’t believe in.

What do I do and where do I start? I’m so confused by everything, this is a whole new world that I know very little about.

As a non-Catholic married to a Catholic, I have found our different outlooks on religion to be a very insignificant aspect of our relationship. My wife’s Catholicism is very important to her, so I do what I can to be supportive - which basically means that I go to mass with her every Sunday. We even do a bit of volunteer work in the parish. Beyond that, she doesn’t bother me with it, and I just try to stay out of her way where religion is concerned. As for “going to church every Sunday and mouthing words I don’t believe in,” I actually find the experience of going to mass to be a relaxing, reflective time. There are nice people there, and the post-mass donuts are pretty good.

RCIA is all you need for now, once you know what the church is, what it teaches, you won’t be able to stop yourself from falling in love with it.

This was not my experience. I went to RCIA for about four months. Finally, I pulled Father aside after class one evening and informed him that Catholicism just wasn’t my cup of tea and that I would not be returning to class. He was surprisingly understanding. (Actually, his main concern was that my wife and I would remain on the schedule for counting the Sunday collection.)

It is difficult to be married when you don’t share the most fundamental, core beliefs that shape two people and inform their values, outlook on life, priorities, and actions.

This would probably be true if one’s “fundamental core beliefs, values, outlook on life, priorities, and actions” were influenced by religious teachings. In my case they are not, so this has not been a factor in our marriage. I guess you (the OP) will have to be the judge about your situation.

 

[jwashu]

The man I want to marry is Catholic. I am not, I have never considered myself a part of any organized religion. He tells me it is ok that I am not Catholic, but I know it’s important to both his family and his faith that I am.

I am not opposed to the idea of converting, but I don’t think that converting just to satisfy his Church is a good enough reason to become Catholic. I have mixed feelings about Catholocism, and I’m very confused about the religion as a whole. I really don’t know where to begin. I want to do right by him and his religion, and that does not mean going to church every Sunday and mouthing words I don’t believe in.

What do I do and where do I start? I’m so confused by everything, this is a whole new world that I know very little about.

There is a lot of good information here at CA, www.catholic.com but much of it, like another site I’ll list seem to be more designed for those who already know something about Christianity. The other site is www.catholicbridge.com it has a lot of easy to understand information and gives good info on some misinformation normally associated with the Church by a few Protestant groups.

I would second the RCIA, it usually has an Q&A period where you can just ask questions and some do that 2 or 3 times before moving on.

I would be happy to answer any questions I could as well if you want to sent me a PM as I’m a fairly recent convert as well (from the Presbyterian Church)

Sincerely,
Joe