I was confused enough;please read it carefully and post comments

[rain_bow]

My ex Girl friend was Catholic and she claims herself as a devout catholic. However like other Muslim men I never asked her to convert to Islam to marry me, But I was ready to accept her as a Catholic( maybe because I am actually non religious as you can check my religious view). I was ready to fight my family and relatives for her. But Do you know what happened? She never ready to marry me but wanted to live together with me as domestic partner.Anyway She is from Philippines and we met via online 1st then meet directly, because we both were living aboard,she went to work there and I went to study. My intention was always to return to my country so it was not possible for me to living together with her without official civil marriage,Because my country does not allow it,and specially the society will never recognize us as couples and she would be in danger. I explained her everything.But she was arrogant enough and always said that she does not believe in Civil marriage.But as a non Christian I am also not allowed to take sacramental marriage and I also had no reason to convert to Catholicism and she also never asked me to convert. However she is a virgin( and still virgin maybe because we never had sexual intercourse) but she said that she made me an exception so she can live together with me without civil or sacramental marriage.And she also told me that civil marriage has no value for Catholics. However It has lots of value for me and I did not want to live together with her without marrying her officially by the law of my country.Even she was ready to make love with me but since I found that any mutual decision between us was foing to be impossible so I did not accept her gift as her special gift to me,because I can not make love with who I can not live together or can not make my life partner.because as i said in My country i can not live together outside marriage,but after my lots of request she never agreed to marry me in a civil court. So we broke up… Now please tell me that did she really love me or only wanted to play with me? Do you not think that even for Catholics official civil marriage is far better than living together as domestic partner? So since she is a devout Catholic then why her proposal was such Absurd. i always thought that Philippina’s are very conservative, not like Muslims but they have the similarity to Indians ( she said that). But why it happened to me?Many Muslim peoples use innocent Christian girls as sex toy and then after sex they threw them away,but I wanted her truely as my wife,but she wanted to live together instead of civil marriage. is it a decent behave from a catholic who never miss any mass? I was broken But I had to quite because dishonesty can not bring any real happiness.i could use her too as she offered herself to me to take her virginity( she claims that she is virgin and I believed her,though it is not very important for me), and live with her as domestic partner! But i loved her a lot so did not take this chance because if my society would allow i would agree to live together to her but since its impossible and she will be in danger if I live together with her in my county.But as i said she never paid attention of my surroundings. What type of love or behave is that? Did she really loved me or I was just a shoulder to cry on?Please tell me.

 

[silicasandra]

There’s a lot going on here, but here are the major points you should be aware of:

According to Catholic teaching, the only valid way to get married (if you’re Catholic) is at a Catholic wedding, unless a dispensation is granted. It is possible that a dispensation could be granted to marry a Muslim (I think this is called “disparity of cult”). A civil marriage does not count and a Catholic person who marries invalidly would not be able to participate in the Sacraments until the marriage is convalidated. Similarly, a person living and sleeping with a person they are not married to is also grave sin according to Catholic teaching and these people would not be able to participate in the Sacraments either. One is not “better” than the other for a Catholic - they are both unacceptable options.

So based on your situation, it’s possible that she wasn’t serious, or just not serious enough to do all the work that would be required to have the dispensation granted (if it would be granted; bishops can refuse). But strangers on an Internet forum aren’t going to be able to read her mind, unfortunately. I do think it was wrong for her to suggest simply living together instead of being married. If she was truly a devout Catholic, she would not have suggested this.

I hope this clears things up a little from the Catholic side of things!

 

[rain_bow]

There’s a lot going on here, but here are the major points you should be aware of:

According to Catholic teaching, the only valid way to get married (if you’re Catholic) is at a Catholic wedding, unless a dispensation is granted. It is possible that a dispensation could be granted to marry a Muslim (I think this is called “disparity of cult”). A civil marriage does not count and a Catholic person who marries invalidly would not be able to participate in the Sacraments until the marriage is convalidated. Similarly, a person living and sleeping with a person they are not married to is also grave sin according to Catholic teaching and these people would not be able to participate in the Sacraments either. One is not “better” than the other for a Catholic - they are both unacceptable options.

**So based on your situation, it’s possible that she wasn’t serious, or just not serious enough to do all the work that would be required to have the dispensation granted (if it would be granted; bishops can refuse). But strangers on an Internet forum aren’t going to be able to read her mind, unfortunately. I do think it was wrong for her to suggest simply living together instead of being married. If she was truly a devout Catholic, she would not have suggested this.

I hope this clears things up a little from the Catholic side of things**!

I do not know if she was a devout catholic or not, but she used to Go to church every Sunday and never missed a mass even when she was ill.BTW, As i said Indeed she was in trouble more than me in my country even peoples would her as a bad women and as a result even it was a high possibility that she could be raped by some Bastards and not as her official Husband I also could not protect her. But if We were married to Court in the civil law in my country,no one even dare to talk anything bad against her.yes my family would cut relation with me if i would marry her,but I wouldn’t care about it,about my family only because of my Love to her. And you saw I even could make love with her when she offered herself,but i did not do it,because I said her that 1st she needs to be more committed about our relationship then only we can make her because I do not want to take any unfair advantage from her. So we both took time. Well if Civil marriage and Living together are same according to Catholic,but still isn’t is better idea because of her safety and protection and both of our honor? Well maybe you are right, she was never serious. But I am just confused that when i offered her to make love with me,she refused and asked me to wait till marriage.I agreed.But later I do not know why she started such absurd behave.I even can’t think her as cheat because if she has any relation outside our relation then why she offered me herself as a special gift that is only for me? i was amazed 1st,and then I said that why you are offering today?you refused it before! She said, that she thought a lot about it and finally decided that since civil marriage has no value for her so she does not want it.Then the real story started.As i said before.And yes another thing if she was not serious then why later offered to living together? As i said she is very pious and even pro life!!My goodness how would I know that she is not devout Catholic!!.I was broken anyway but I had this courage to accept the reality.Well yes maybe she was not serious to do all things that were required,but was she serious to commit sin as a catholic? Thought marriage is important for me only for her safety and her honor ,not for sin or such things!But well thanks that you explained me the catholic view.

 

[Bluegoat]

It seems you guys have a bit of a misunderstanding here - it is possible with special permission for a Muslim to marry a Catholic in a Catholic wedding.

My guess is that she did really want to be with you, but she mistakenly had the idea that a civil marriage would be even worse than just living together, perhaps she felt it was dishonest? I think that is a mistaken view myself, but I can see why someone might feel differently.

Also, a friend of mine has told me that although the Philippines is a very Catholic society, there is a lot of people living together outside of marriage, because of the laws against divorce. People separate and then just live with someone else, or are not inclined to get married because they can never divorce. I think people get used to that idea, even if they are religious themselves. So that may be why it doesn’t strike her as so bad.

 

[EasterJoy]

Whether Catholic or Muslim, it is not uncommon for desire to pose a temptation to sin. Even the most devout are tempted some times, especially when they are trying to please their beloved.

If you understand and are relating what she had to say correctly, then the things she desired were mutually contradictory things: She wanted you, no matter what it took, and she wanted to be married in the Catholic Church, which you would not give her.

It would seem that she also did not realize that for a Catholic, a civilly-recognized union is usually a necessary, although not a sufficient, requirement for Catholic marriage. It cannot be dispensed with unless a legitimate Catholic marriage is forbidden by civil law or some other grave situation exists that makes the civil marriage impossible. (For instance, there are Catholic countries where the couple obtains a civil marriage first, and then has the religious ceremony completing the full meaning of Catholic marriage immediately thereafter. Two sets of vows: Not only OK, but sometimes required.) Likewise, although a Catholic can’t have a nuptial Mass when marrying a non-baptised person, these marriages are often permitted. There has to be permission, but it is usually granted if the marriage does not pose a threat to the Catholic continuing to practice the faith.

You seem to say that she must not have really loved you because she would not enter into a civil marriage without observing the laws of the Church concerning marriage, and then that she left because you wouldn’t have her unless she totally betrayed her sense of what marriage is. She might as easily say that you don’t love her because while you were willing to satisfy the requirements for marriage according to your understanding, you were not willing to satisfy the requirements according to hers.

Where she strayed was to offer what belonged only to her husband to you, whom she desired as a husband but who would not have her according to her understanding of marriage. By her lights, that might have been a very great act of love. It was misguided, she should never have done it, but she was trying to both stay with you and defend her understanding of marriage at the same time. If she couldn’t be a Catholic wife, she was saying she would not be a wife at all, because she esteems marriage that much. If she couldn’t give herself to you as your wife, she was willing to throw herself at you in a way that she felt honestly reflected what she was doing, because she esteems you that much. It is you, not a true marriage, that she ought to have been willing to do without, for in betraying marriage by offering to give you the comforts of a wife before marriage, she offended your need to be her husband in at least some sense before sharing each other. She could not see that; at least you did!

Neither one of you is exactly a shining model of how sacrificial love works between a man and a woman, but I am more than willing to believe that you both were trying to sacrifice what you really felt were non-negotiables in order to find a common ground. The problem was, there were too many mutually exclusive non-negotiables.

Consider how St. Paul defined Christian love:
Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts. But I shall show you a still more excellent way.

If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude,** it does not seek its own interests**, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury. It does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known. So faith, hope, love remain, these three;h but the greatest of these is love." 1 Cor. 12:, 13:1-13

It is probably a very good thing for both of you that you didn’t agree to try either of the suggested compromises. I don’t think you would have found either one teneable, because neither of you was proposing a course of action that was truly rooted in love…that is, which would make the sacrifices necessary in order to have a true marriage. You were both willing to give a lot, but still you were both only willing to come part way. Perhaps you were just too far apart to begin with.

Don’t take a wife and then take her somewhere that she cannot have the full dignity of being your wife. That is unfair to her. Marry a woman according to both her understanding of marriage and yours, or don’t marry at all. That is what a loving husband does.

 

[rain_bow]

It seems you guys have a bit of a misunderstanding here - it is possible with special permission for a Muslim to marry a Catholic in a Catholic wedding.

My guess is that she did really want to be with you, but she mistakenly had the idea that a civil marriage would be even worse than just living together, perhaps she felt it was dishonest? I think that is a mistaken view myself, but I can see why someone might feel differently.

Also, a friend of mine has told me that although the Philippines is a very Catholic society, there is a lot of people living together outside of marriage, because of the laws against divorce. People separate and then just live with someone else, or are not inclined to get married because they can never divorce. I think people get used to that idea, even if they are religious themselves. So that may be why it doesn’t strike her as so bad.

Well yes I also talked to her about the special permission but she refused by saying that she wants only sacramental marriage,though she said it suddenly,and before it she was ready for a civil marriage.Anyway still do you not think so that since I have to live in my own country and here living together is impossible so she would have to pay attention on it?And she did not consider Civil marriage as worse than Living together but she thinks that they are same thing!But I explained my position to her many times,even showed her all valid reasons.Anyway maybe it was our destiny to fall in love with each other and then break up.Anyway she proposed me to remain as her special friend, i refused because I said that since we are ending so one day she will marry indeed,and even if it will not be a love marriage,still I can not see her with another man.So i just quite. But Still I feel her a lot. I never even look at her picture because it remind me our happy moments ,I am emotional man and can not forget those memory easily… anyway thanks buddy for your explanation.

 

[Bluegoat]

Well yes I also talked to her about the special permission but she refused by saying that she wants only sacramental marriage,though she said it suddenly,and before it she was ready for a civil marriage.Anyway still do you not think so that since I have to live in my own country and here living together is impossible so she would have to pay attention on it?And she did not consider Civil marriage as worse than Living together but she thinks that they are same thing!But I explained my position to her many times,even showed her all valid reasons.Anyway maybe it was our destiny to fall in love with each other and then break up.Anyway she proposed me to remain as her special friend, i refused because I said that since we are ending so one day she will marry indeed,and even if it will not be a love marriage,still I can not see her with another man.So i just quite. But Still I feel her a lot. I never even look at her picture because it remind me our happy moments ,I am emotional man and can not forget those memory easily… anyway thanks buddy for your explanation.

Well, maybe she is really just not ready to marry. But it really stinks, that is for sure.

 

[rain_bow]

It would seem that she also did not realize that for a Catholic, a civilly-recognized union is usually a necessary, although not a sufficient, requirement for Catholic marriage. It cannot be dispensed with unless a legitimate Catholic marriage is forbidden by civil law or some other grave situation exists that makes the civil marriage impossible. (For instance, there are Catholic countries where the couple obtains a civil marriage first, and then has the religious ceremony completing the full meaning of Catholic marriage immediately thereafter. Two sets of vows: Not only OK, but sometimes required.) Likewise, although a Catholic can’t have a nuptial Mass when marrying a non-baptised person, these marriages are often permitted. There has to be permission, but it is usually granted if the marriage does not pose a threat to the Catholic continuing to practice the faith.

You seem to say that she must not have really loved you because she would not enter into a civil marriage without observing the laws of the Church concerning marriage, and then that she left because you wouldn’t have her unless she totally betrayed her sense of what marriage is. She might as easily say that you don’t love her because while you were willing to satisfy the requirements for marriage according to your understanding, you were not willing to satisfy the requirements according to hers.

Where she strayed was to offer what belonged only to her husband to you, whom she desired as a husband but who would not have her according to her understanding of marriage. By her lights, that might have been a very great act of love. It was misguided, she should never have done it, but she was trying to both stay with you and defend her understanding of marriage at the same time. If she couldn’t be a Catholic wife, she was saying she would not be a wife at all, because she esteems marriage that much. If she couldn’t give herself to you as your wife, she was willing to throw herself at you in a way that she felt honestly reflected what she was doing, because she esteems you that much. It is you, not a true marriage, that she ought to have been willing to do without, for in betraying marriage by offering to give you the comforts of a wife before marriage, she offended your need to be her husband in at least some sense before sharing each other. She could not see that; at least you did!

Neither one of you is exactly a shining model of how sacrificial love works between a man and a woman, but I am more than willing to believe that you both were trying to sacrifice what you really felt were non-negotiables in order to find a common ground. The problem was, there were too many mutually exclusive non-negotiables.

It is probably a very good thing for both of you that you didn’t agree to try either of the suggested compromises. I don’t think you would have found either one teneable, because neither of you was proposing a course of action that was truly rooted in love…that is, which would make the sacrifices necessary in order to have a true marriage. You were both willing to give a lot, but still you were both only willing to come part way. Perhaps you were just too far apart to begin with.

Don’t take a wife and then take her somewhere that she cannot have the full dignity of being your wife. That is unfair to her. Marry a woman according to both her understanding of marriage and yours, or don’t marry at all. That is what a loving husband does.

Thanks for your long post.Anyway if she would agree to marry me,she would never be in trouble. because I know myself better than any one and she also knows me. No one even dared to forbade her to practice her catholic view and even I told herfrom the beginning that since i am non religious and I do not belong to any religion so she can raise our kids as Catholics if she wishes.Just only one thing I can not give her nad that is sacramental marriage because I am not Christian and I do not believe in any religion and I have no interest to be a christian ever since I am non religious,and if I would follow a religion anyway,I would not become a non religious that is one of the finest reason,and this thing ( made me worse in my family because I am not a muslim but non religious,and you must assume how is the reaction in a muslim family)and she knew it,and she accepted me with it.She even met my mother, I told my mother that I want to marry her and if she(my mother) will not recognize her as her daughter in law, she ( mom) will lost me forever,and my mother knows me very well,she knew that what I was saying it was true,so she said that its my wish whom I marry or not,so I just needed to fight rest of the family and relatives.But I was ready to break all bonds only for her,ready to break my world in piece,ready to end all bonds with those peoples with whom I grew up if they will not accept her.but if you know about a muslim country then you must know that here husband has actually a God like power to protect his wife from society and since islam permits marrying Christian Girls without converting them so no one dare to even think of harming her.But if I would bring her home as my domestic partner ,just in a week she would be kidnapped and raped over and over,and since i am not her official husband so even laws would not support me.So what was the wrong if she signed a paper for her safety and for both of our future life? I even asked her that It will be a paper only as an eye wash,but she is always too arrogant and always wanted to establish her own decision.Anyway I do not want to be judgmental,but what i said all are true,and she realized all she confessed but still her arrogance and pride won over her love, even she confessed!!

 

[rain_bow]

Well, maybe she is really just not ready to marry. But it really stinks, that is for sure.

Hmm, its a disaster that she told me that I was her best man,before me she had a BF and I also had one GF many years ago( but I feel that never loved this previous girl as much as I loved my GF( Philippina) who is also my ex now). And she told that we are made for each other. What a Joke,finally she could not compromise with such thing that never against her,but living together is worse for a Christian.I wanted to sacrifice my all relation for her,and he just could not give up her pride and arrogance.But she was very special to me so I requested her to take time to change her point of view and requested her to take her time, but she said that she already decided and nothing can change it even if takes years!!Anyway its over almost a year ago. I still did not recover though I am trying.thank you again and thanks to all for your help.

 

[rain_bow]

Whether Catholic or Muslim, it is not uncommon for desire to pose a temptation to sin. Even the most devout are tempted some times, especially when they are trying to please their beloved.
.

Yes maybe it is sin for both of Catholic or Muslim but not sin for me because I am none of them. So I could easily accept her proposal right? I could make love with her and then could leave her if she would not agree to marry me when it was the time to return to my country.But I never even thought of it because I truly loved her.And if my intention was to live in aboard I would agree with her proposal.\But I do not want to live aboard forever and I returned to my place already,I belong to my country and I love it,And even before our relation she knew all and accepted me with all thoughts because she said that she will live with me any place in this world,because all women lives in husband’s place,so what is my home it will be her home too. You must realize that all were going right like other couples before her sudden decision.anyway She would never be dishonored here and her dignity would not be in danger in my place as my official wife,and she knew it, she knew that I can devour anyone if they even think of harm her dignity. But as I said a man who is not an official husband can not protect his woman in my country. That’s the tragic story.She knew all when accepted me, but later things have changed.Anyway thanks all of you again.

 

[Bluegoat]

Whether Catholic or Muslim, it is not uncommon for desire to pose a temptation to sin. Even the most devout are tempted some times, especially when they are trying to please their beloved.

If you understand and are relating what she had to say correctly, then the things she desired were mutually contradictory things: She wanted you, no matter what it took, and she wanted to be married in the Catholic Church, which you would not give her.

Well, actually he didn’t say he wouldn’t get married in the CC. He wouldn’t convert but himself brought up the possibility of a non-sacramental Catholic wedding.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes maybe it is sin for both of Catholic or Muslim but not sin for me because I am none of them. So I could easily accept her proposal right? I could make love with her and then could leave her if she would not agree to marry me when it was the time to return to my country.But I never even thought of it because I truly loved her.And if my intention was to live in aboard I would agree with her proposal.\But I do not want to live aboard forever and I returned to my place already,I belong to my country and I love it,And even before our relation she knew all and accepted me with all thoughts because she said that she will live with me any place in this world,because all women lives in husband’s place,so what is my home it will be her home too. You must realize that all were going right like other couples before her sudden decision.anyway She would never be dishonored here and her dignity would not be in danger in my place as my official wife,and she knew it, she knew that I can devour anyone if they even think of harm her dignity. But as I said a man who is not an official husband can not protect his woman in my country. That’s the tragic story.She knew all when accepted me, but later things have changed.Anyway thanks all of you again.

You might not use those words to describe it, but what you have described has been the rejection of sin and the pursuit of virtue. You didn’t take advantage of her because it’s a sin for you, too, and you know it, although maybe avoiding the sin was easier because you had appreciation that she was a human being worthy of respectful treatment from you. Decent people, even if they’re atheists, are capable of knowing right from wrong and acting on what they know. To the extent that you are capable of knowing what is right, you are bound to follow. So yes, you can sin and you can be virtuous, too. I thank heaven that you have chosen virtue with regards to this woman.

It is theoretically possible for her to live with you in a marriage recognized by the Church, even though it would not be sacramental. The Church allows these marriages and recognizes them. If she knows this, but wants a sacramental marriage, then that ultimately means she wants a husband that can share the Christian faith with her. If that is what she wants, then you are wise to let her go find it, regardless of how much you love her, or she loves you, or what she’s willing to do to hold on to you.

I think she was very attracted to you and looked before she leapt, as the saying goes. She may have cared for you very much, but she didn’t think through what she needed and what you needed before getting serious with you. I think you dodged a bullet, so to speak. I think you both would have been deeply unhappy with the choice to live together without the benefit of a marriage that she recognized as valid. Even so, I’m so sorry you were hurt by this situation. You sound like a decent man, and I hope you find a wife very well-suited for you!

 

[rain_bow]

Well, actually he didn’t say he wouldn’t get married in the CC. He wouldn’t convert but himself brought up the possibility of a non-sacramental Catholic wedding.

Yes thanks,you got me right. I told her that if there is any non sacramental marriage for non Christians in the Church I am ready.

But she later only wanted sacramental marriage and if not then living together without caring that it will bring disaster for both of us, specially for her!

 

[rain_bow]

You might not use those words to describe it, but what you have described has been the rejection of sin and the pursuit of virtue. You didn’t take advantage of her because it’s a sin for you, too, and you know it, although maybe avoiding the sin was easier because you had appreciation that she was a human being worthy of respectful treatment from you. Decent people, even if they’re atheists, are capable of knowing right from wrong and acting on what they know.you are capable of knowing what is right, you are bound to follow. So yes, you can sin and you can be virtuous, too. I thank heaven that you have chosen virtue with regards to this woman.

Well honestly speaking I haven’t posted the thread to start any religious debate.But you should clearly know my point of view. With respect to your faith and view point of sin, I want to say I refuse it( sin of love making before marriage; but no argument please atleast in this thread). yes you are right,I believe that everyone deserves respect.And since you are not muslim but a Christian so i expect much more tolerance from you & I hope I will get it.

Anyway I am not bound to follow anything, and no one can say that since I am adult enough to take my own decision,and I did not take her physically not because of the sense of sin, I do not find it sin if 2 peoples( of course 1 male and 1 female)

love each other then it’s not sin if they make love before official marriage,and if my plan was to live aboard forever,I would accept her proposal even if my mother refuse to accept her as her daughter in law as my domestic partner.

But I did not take her physically only because her decision made our relationship uncertain and if I would accept her proposal to make love with her that time then it would be an obligations for me to live together until she cheat on me.

but as I said I wanted to return to my own country and there is no option of live together here since it is a muslim country.

and that’s why when I supposed that she will not marry me even if we will live in my country, only then I refuse to take her physically because then things will turn to hell.

maybe she would not think me dishonest person who fest on her body and then left her even if I took the advantage, still my mind was saying that do not accept her love making proposal because you will not be able to forgive yourself in future,because you want to live in your country and here its not possible so if she won’t change her mind do not go further.

So what I had to to? I had to brought her without marrying her and then diaster would come in our life,specially in her life.But even she remained un harmed but failed to survive here

and later would leave me by saying that it is not sacramental marriage so if you can leave your country then live with me. It is not accusation but its the reality if someone’s mind is not invulnerable.

then what would happened? I was feeling guilty and she would happily marry another man as sacramental marriage?

I said it to her, she remain silent. You see she was not very much committed as I was? so what sacrifice I needed? to give up myself for love while she just can not give me any space?

I told her that he wants the ball every time in her court and she still remain silent. well I will not post our personal argument in details.

So I only can say that not because of the sense of sin but because of my responsibility & respect to her and our relationship I did not take her while it was me who asked the favor before,but she refused & I accepted it and did not try to take it from her by emotional stuffs.

later its she who offered herself to me,and then i asked what happened and then she share her new thoughts with me.that’s all.

I hope you did not mind, because I needed to express myself more clearly. I came hear to communicate with peoples and all must have to know what is me. I do not belong to any law provided by religion but I have my own sense of responsibility,and It did not come from religions but came from my heart.

It is theoretically possible for her to live with you in a marriage recognized by the Church, even though it would not be sacramental. The Church allows these marriages and recognizes them. If she knows this, but wants a sacramental marriage, then that ultimately means she wants a husband that can share the Christian faith with her. If that is what she wants, then you are wise to let her go find it, regardless of how much you love her, or she loves you, or what she’s willing to do to hold on to you.

Well yes maybe you are right.I wish from my heart that she will be happy in future life.

I think she was very attracted to you and looked before she leapt, as the saying goes. She may have cared for you very much, but she didn’t think through what she needed and what you needed before getting serious with you. I think you dodged a bullet, so to speak. I think you both would have been deeply unhappy with the choice to live together without the benefit of a marriage that she recognized as valid. Even so, I’m so sorry you were hurt by this situation.

Maybe you are right that she looked before she leap. But I was not like that, I wanted her from deep inside my heart and I was not unhappy to live together if I only decided to live aboard,but i went there for study so I have no intention to settle aboard and she knew it from the starting of our relationship.

so I have no idea why later changed her mind.I just refused to live together because its not possible in my country,not because it is sin according to Islam or Christianity.

You sound like a decent man, and I hope you find a wife very well-suited for you!

thanks a lot for your compliment! Well I will wait for the future if I can soon recover from my past!

PS. thanks for your patience.
be blessed.

 

[rain_bow]

I’m so sorry you were hurt by this situation.

Thank you my friend, thank You very much for your feelings, and I wish from my heart that you will never face such day when you will plan to burn yourself . be blessed and happy forever, this is my wish from my heart to you and to all who have a good heart that can love endlessly.Please pray for me that I can recover from it soon.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you my friend, thank You very much for your feelings, and I wish from my heart that you will never face such day when you will plan to burn yourself . be blessed and happy forever, this is my wish from my heart to you and to all who have a good heart that can love endlessly.Please pray for me that I can recover from it soon.

Since you knew you would need for your own reasons to move back home eventually, you did absolutely the right thing by refusing to expose her to the dangers to which your home country would have exposed her. Your plan to marry her in a civil ceremony was entirely in keeping with your understanding of marriage. Your resolution to defend her against all comers, even against your loved ones, was laudable. I hope you’ll not be too hard on her for her unrealistic desires or the incompatibility of her understanding of marriage and yours, but I particularly hope that you recover soon, and that you continue to follow the truth as you are given to understand the truth.

Of course as a Catholic I would hope that this eventually means accepting all the truth the Catholic Church teaches, but in the meantime, the best you can do is the best you can do! Yes…may God bless you and keep you! I do hope God finds you a wonderful wife, exactly suited to your best nature and your most virtuous impulses.

 

[zab]

Since you knew you would need for your own reasons to move back home eventually, you did absolutely the right thing by refusing to expose her to the dangers to which your home country would have exposed her. Your plan to marry her in a civil ceremony was entirely in keeping with your understanding of marriage. Your resolution to defend her against all comers, even against your loved ones, was laudable. I hope you’ll not be too hard on her for her unrealistic desires or the incompatibility of her understanding of marriage and yours, but I particularly hope that you recover soon, and that you continue to follow the truth as you are given to understand the truth.

Of course as a Catholic I would hope that this eventually means accepting all the truth the Catholic Church teaches, but in the meantime, the best you can do is the best you can do! Yes…may God bless you and keep you! I do hope God finds you a wonderful wife, exactly suited to your best nature and your most virtuous impulses.

Wonderful post

 

[rain_bow]

Since you knew you would need for your own reasons to move back home eventually, you did absolutely the right thing by refusing to expose her to the dangers to which your home country would have exposed her. Your plan to marry her in a civil ceremony was entirely in keeping with your understanding of marriage. Your resolution to defend her against all comers, even against your loved ones, was laudable. I hope you’ll not be too hard on her for her unrealistic desires or the incompatibility of her understanding of marriage and yours, but I particularly hope that you recover soon, and that you continue to follow the truth as you are given to understand the truth.

Of course as a Catholic I would hope that this eventually means accepting all the truth the Catholic Church teaches, but in the meantime, the best you can do is the best you can do! Yes…may God bless you and keep you! I do hope God finds you a wonderful wife, exactly suited to your best nature and your most virtuous impulses.

Thank you.

 

[jakasaki]

Having read the entire thread this morning and I can say that the Catholic members on here gave you great replies.

My reply to you would be this:

I admire your courage, honestly and most importantly, your **integrity **to the matter at hand.

I believe any other man would have taken advantage of this situation and not thinking twice about her & his consequence.

You are a gem of a man.!!!

You know Rain_Bow ~

Sometimes life gives us "sour lemon’s ~ what do we do with them …

Make sweet “lemonade”, serve it and move on with life.

Happy Saturday to you ( et al )

Best regards
Pam

 

[rain_bow]

Having read the entire thread this morning and I can say that the Catholic members on here gave you great replies.

My reply to you would be this:

I admire your courage, honestly and most importantly, your **integrity **to the matter at hand.

I believe any other man would have taken advantage of this situation and not thinking twice about her & his consequence.

You are a gem of a man.!!!

Thank you very much my dear friend Pam, for your compliments!! But I do not think that I deserve such high compliment . I am a very simple man and just always try to remain honest in my life.

You know Rain_Bow ~

Sometimes life gives us "sour lemon’s ~ what do we do with them …

Make sweet “lemonade”, serve it and move on with life.

Happy Saturday to you ( et al )

Best regards
Pam

Yes Pam, maybe its right . Lets see what sweet lemonade is waiting for me in my future life .

Happy Saturday to you too.
…
regards!

Rain_bow