Just some thoughts:
- Don’t “be meaner” with girls. This I don’t believe is beneficial from any side of the relationship. Rare things are valuable - and a guy who treats a girl with respect and honors her as a child of God is sometimes rare to find. Guys who disrespect girls and objectify them are literally a dime a dozen. A guy who respects a girl and loves God is the rare jewel.
- Don’t go to a vocation (in this case, religious life) as a default. Don’t look at vocations like this: “Well, if this doesn’t work out, I’ll just be a priest.” Religious life is a vocation in which one must be called by God (as with any vocation!). It can’t be the go to when you can’t find a girl at the moment.
- Are you ready for marriage? Mentally? Financially? Spiritually? Perhaps God is not showing you the woman who will be your wife because you are not ready to be a husband. This is in no way meant to be derogation towards you - just a thought that this time of singleness may be a gift from God to grow closer to Him and better prepare yourself for marriage. It’s not something to take lightly!
- God doesn’t work on our schedule. You may think you should be married by the average age of 25, but who is average? You are a unique child of God, so you shouldn’t bind yourself to what everyone else is doing. Better to wait for the right girl that will lead you to God then to lower your standards and settle for someone who won’t help you be the best version of yourself.
Just some thoughts! God bless you on your vocational journey - you are in my prayers!
God bless,
Chloe M.
Thank you. I understand the whole “singleness is a gift thing” and many people tell me that. Its hard for me, but then i’ve never had a relationship, maybe its good i haven’t found someone yet. Maybe i wouldn’t know how to deal with certain things now (although how do you get good at things without getting some experience? How do I get more mature etc? you don’t have to answer its just a rhetorical question"
Anyway, Its so hard though. A lot of it is that I feel like there are so many issues that would come up if I wait for a relationship. For one thing. I don’t want to be 40 and just getting married. Not to get too personal, but I am the child of an older couple. My parents were 45 and 38 when they married, and it was the first time for both. Anyway, while it was a happy marriage there were issues. My father had gotten used to bachelor lifestyle (he was basically a bachelor farmer who lived with his dad) and didn’t know how to treat women sometimes even though he had almost been engaged before. My mother had one or two relationships but they were nowhere close to marriage. Anyway, I’m afraid that if I have no experience It will be harder to date as I get older.
Also, i’m afraid that If I have kids (which i want to, God calls us to have kids in marriage) and me and my wife are 40, the childbirth will be difficult and my kids will end up with problems. My brother has high functioning autism more than likely because my mom was 40. My sister also has health issues because my mom was on heart medication while pregnant, so my sister has really bad teeth which has damaged her confidence and also had a terrible speech impediment. I myself think my depression and “near autism” (i have some aspie traits, but have been tested, and don’t have anything wrong" were caused by being born to an older mother. I don’t want my kids to suffer from easily prevented disorders, or have my wife suffer though an extra difficult childbirth.
I know were supposed to trust God, but to me this is testing our faith. To me having kids at a later age is like taking a jump into the deep end of the pool and not knowing how to swim. Even if you have complete faith and God, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be okay. I could pray all day and night and still have a child (who i would still love deeply) who has a disorder that was easily preventable by having kids earlier, just like the person who doesn’t know how to swim can pray for God to save him. Bad stuff still happens.
Also, part of it is that if I had a girlfriend it would make me feel normal. Ever since I was young i’ve felt wierd. Thats part of why I stick to my faith. No matter how weird I am, God still loves me. However, I always felt like if I had a girlfriend that I no longer would be seen as a nerdy weirdo or lame. I feel like if I stay single forever, people will wonder if something was wrong. At least If I became a priest I wouldn’t have people wondering that. I could just say “well a priest is supposed to be celibate” and people wouldn’t question why I never had a relationship. I know this is really unhealthy, but its all i’ve ever wanted since high school. I used to think it would happen in college and then I though maybe after I got a job, but I didn’t get a teaching job and as usual nothing has worked out and my heart is left broken and I don’t know what or who to blame. I used to think it was because I was fat and ugly, but I got a little better looking and more confident. Now I worry its my personality. That i’m wierd and that only God would love me.
I’m sorry if I sound depressed or weepy, but I’m not some big old macho man who hides his feelings. I state my feelings and i’m honest, and if that makes me immature and unready, then so be it. I guess I just need to pray and hope things get better.
Once again thank you and God Bless
Ben P.
