Families are flawed, sometimes terribly so. This is not what God desires of us, nor what the Trinity is. There are many theories of atonement, but all would agree that the son chose freely.
It sounds like you are hurting. It’s hard to see God when those who are supposed to love us instead hurt. And people can indeed hurt us terribly when they don’t act in love. I don’t have any grand theological answers, but I can tell you I know that families can call it love as they hurt each other, even appealing to God as the reason why. It’s not what God is like or wants, but it’s hard to picture without good models.