If you're an usher at mass, What Would You Do in this situation?

[CB_Catholic]

As a person with this problem, I have to agree with the content above (although perhaps not the tone). I have tried all my life to be on time for things, and although I have managed to go from about 15 minutes late for everything to a bit less than 5 minutes late for everything, it has been quite a struggle. It does not mean that I am stupid. (And no, please do NOT offer me advice on how to fix this. I have thought of most things myself, and the rest have already been suggested by friends.)

My solution for Mass has been to join the choir, so instead of being 5 minutes late for Mass, I am instead 5 minutes late for the choir rehearsal before Mass (an hour before Mass starts). When it is important, sometimes you can find a way. I’m still late for the dentist.

I know that people don’t understand this problem. Perhaps it would be good if people at least saw that it is a problem that they don’t understand, and were a bit kinder about it. I personally can’t understand tone-deafness. You hear a pitch, you match it–it’s easy. But I do know that for others it is not easy, and that’s really unfortunate for them. Chronic lateness seems to be a similar sort of problem, and it would be more charitable not to treat it as a moral failing. However, in the same way that the tone-deaf person is prevented from joining the choir, I accept the consequences of my own problem and if I arrive late somewhere where seating is limited, I expect to stand.

However, there is another category of people who are regularly late for Mass. Those people are on time for business meetings, dentist appointments, dinner dates, and so forth, but are not on time to Mass. They are on time for things they think are important, and the Mass does not fall into that category. These are the people who can be helped by rather pointed homilies about why it is important to be on time for Mass.

It is impossible (and inappropriate) to determine which category any individual person belongs to. But if you remember that both types exist, you can be kind to individual latecomers, while still encouraging your pastor to mention the importance of timeliness in his homily.

–Jen

Actually, Jen, you misinterpreted the tone of the post. People were saying that the latecomers should be embarrassed so that they would come early the next time. I’m saying that from experience, that is not the way to go–it won’t help anyone. it is extremely difficult to change that. I tried while raising my daughter and we achieved improvement, but she still is always late. Embarrassing people is not going to change anything.

 

[revert_jen]

Forget it. I didn’t mean to be “on your case.” My curiosity got the better of me.

I understand. I once spent 20 minutes trying to get a tone-deaf friend to match a pitch. Just not in public.

–Jen

 

[revert_jen]

Actually, Jen, you misinterpreted the tone of the post. People were saying that the latecomers should be embarrassed so that they would come early the next time. I’m saying that from experience, that is not the way to go–it won’t help anyone. it is extremely difficult to change that. I tried while raising my daughter and we achieved improvement, but she still is always late. Embarrassing people is not going to change anything.

No, I really don’t think I did misunderstand. My point was that while I agree that people who are chronically late for everything wouldn’t be helped, people who are on time for everything except Mass might be. However, I don’t think embarassment is the best way; catechesis is more what I had in mind.

I’m sure I am just over-sensitive, but I found the post just a tiny bit condescending. That is all I meant about the tone. I’m sure there is nothing wrong with your post; I just wouldn’t speak about myself the same way you speak of others with the problem. Probably just pride on my part–I’ll have to remember it for confession.

–Jen

 

[maryjk]

As a person with this problem, I have to agree with the content above (although perhaps not the tone). I have tried all my life to be on time for things, and although I have managed to go from about 15 minutes late for everything to a bit less than 5 minutes late for everything, it has been quite a struggle. It does not mean that I am stupid. (And no, please do NOT offer me advice on how to fix this. I have thought of most things myself, and the rest have already been suggested by friends.)

I know that people don’t understand this problem. Perhaps it would be good if people at least saw that it is a problem that they don’t understand, and were a bit kinder about it. I personally can’t understand tone-deafness. You hear a pitch, you match it–it’s easy. But I do know that for others it is not easy, and that’s really unfortunate for them. Chronic lateness seems to be a similar sort of problem, and it would be more charitable not to treat it as a moral failing. However, in the same way that the tone-deaf person is prevented from joining the choir, I accept the consequences of my own problem and if I arrive late somewhere where seating is limited, I expect to stand.

However, there is another category of people who are regularly late for Mass. Those people are on time for business meetings, dentist appointments, dinner dates, and so forth, but are not on time to Mass. They are on time for things they think are important, and the Mass does not fall into that category. These are the people who can be helped by rather pointed homilies about why it is important to be on time for Mass.

It is impossible (and inappropriate) to determine which category any individual person belongs to. But if you remember that both types exist, you can be kind to individual latecomers, while still encouraging your pastor to mention the importance of timeliness in his homily.

–Jen

I understand. I once spent 20 minutes trying to get a tone-deaf friend to match a pitch. Just not in public.

–Jen

I don’t mean to pick on you either, but I can’t understand how you can compare someone choosing to be late and someone that cannot hear a tone and repeat it. Tone deafness vs. lateness.

And yes, people that are always late, choose to be late. They either don’t get up early enough, don’t leave early enough or don’t plan their trip. It is understandable if you are going somewhere you have never been before, but not somewhere you go every week.

I have a sister that is always late. She always needs to do one more thing before she leaves. It makes her late, pretty much every time. It has gotten so bad that we tell her that parties start before they do, just so she will pull in on time.

I guess I just don’t see comparing them.

 

[catharina]

I don’t mean to pick on you either, but I can’t understand how you can compare someone choosing to be late and someone that cannot hear a tone and repeat it. Tone deafness vs. lateness.

And yes, people that are always late, choose to be late. They either don’t get up early enough, don’t leave early enough or don’t plan their trip. It is understandable if you are going somewhere you have never been before, but not somewhere you go every week.

I have a sister that is always late. She always needs to do one more thing before she leaves. It makes her late, pretty much every time. It has gotten so bad that we tell her that parties start before they do, just so she will pull in on time.

I guess I just don’t see comparing them.

Hate to admit it but my family has done that with
my favorite SIL (and her household) for the past 20 yrs.
It became perfectly clear that she would ALWAYS be
late so we adjusted for her “arrival time” and she’s
always given a time that is exactly one hour prior to
the time all will gather for an event. This tactic works,
and incredibly, she’s never caught on. She’s very bright,
very dear, speaks three languages fluently - but
she can NOT manage her time very well.

 

[jmcrae]

Hate to admit it but my family has done that with
my favorite SIL (and her household) for the past 20 yrs.
It became perfectly clear that she would ALWAYS be
late so we adjusted for her “arrival time” and she’s
always given a time that is exactly one hour prior to
the time all will gather for an event. This tactic works,
and incredibly, she’s never caught on. She’s very bright,
very dear, speaks three languages fluently - but
she can NOT manage her time very well.

I have friends who are like that, too - and in their case, it is pure bad planning (they stop to run errands on their way to things, instead of on their way back) and lack of comprehension of how time works - they actually do perceive fifteen to twenty minutes as “just a minute.” They quite honestly believe that something that actually took them 10 or 15 minutes to do (get gas, go to the store to pick up milk, go to the ATM and get money) took only a few seconds, and they quite honestly have no idea where the time went, or why they are late.