I'm 14 years old. NEED ADVICE!

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Treydo1

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Okay, as I said, I’m a 14 year old boy who has never agreed with teenage relationships or anything of that sort because they never go anywhere and I knew God never wanted me to get involved with that yet. But just about a week ago I went to a Catholic Youth Retreat (Which I am Catholic by the way and strong in the faith) and started talking with this girl I knew a little bit from before but not much. But as the retreat went on, I started to feel this overwhelming love for her and was soo confused because it felt like God’s grace. I especially felt it during adoration. So, I assumed it was just hormones kicking in and continued. But when I got home, I almost broke down in tears over how detached I felt from her for some reason. I prayed and I prayed, but God hasn’t said much over it. I really need advice.
 
Treydo1 said:
Okay, as I said, I’m a 14 year old boy who has never agreed with teenage relationships or anything of that sort because they never go anywhere and I knew God never wanted me to get involved with that yet. But just about a week ago I went to a Catholic Youth Retreat (Which I am Catholic by the way and strong in the faith) and started talking with this girl I knew a little bit from before but not much. But as the retreat went on, I started to feel this overwhelming love for her and was soo confused because it felt like God’s grace. I especially felt it during adoration. So, I assumed it was just hormones kicking in and continued. But when I got home, I almost broke down in tears over how detached I felt from her for some reason. I prayed and I prayed, but God hasn’t said much over it. I really need advice.
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:ehh:
 
Treydo1 said:
Okay, as I said, I’m a 14 year old boy who has never agreed with teenage relationships or anything of that sort because they never go anywhere and I knew God never wanted me to get involved with that yet. But just about a week ago I went to a Catholic Youth Retreat (Which I am Catholic by the way and strong in the faith) and started talking with this girl I knew a little bit from before but not much. But as the retreat went on, I started to feel this overwhelming love for her and was soo confused because it felt like God’s grace. I especially felt it during adoration. So, I assumed it was just hormones kicking in and continued. But when I got home, I almost broke down in tears over how detached I felt from her for some reason. I prayed and I prayed, but God hasn’t said much over it. I really need advice.
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The way I see it, if you are interested in asking a girl out or hanging out with a girl, I don’t see that concept by itself as problematic, but if you choose not to pursue romance at your age, that’s a personal choice as well, and I don’t think there is necessarily a right or wrong answer.

The problem here is that you are, for whatever reason, going overboard with feelings. I think you recognize that to some extent as you are asking for God for some sign.

Be assured that what you were feeling was not to be considered real love, but an infatuation of the moment. Just recognize it for what it is and don’t let stuff like that become your whole life.
 
Moderation, my friend. You didn’t really feel “overwhelming love” for this girl you barely knew, you felt infatuation. It is normal, as long as you keep it in perspective. You are old enough to develop friendships with girls. Keep it in perspective. Don’t think in terms of dating, “going steady” or planning for marriage. Think only in terms of friendship. Remember that your vocation right now is your education.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
You didn’t really feel “overwhelming love” for this girl you barely knew, you felt infatuation. It is normal, as long as you keep it in perspective. Think only in terms of friendship. Remember that your vocation right now is your education.
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SuperLuigi said:
Be assured that what you were feeling was not to be considered real love, but an infatuation of the moment.
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👍👍
 
Enjoy life, enjoy friendships, run from sin. This is the faith. You dont have to be a hermet
 
At your age, especially as a male, this is physical attraction, infatuation, due to all the hormones. Love comes much later and is a completely different matter.

Focus on friendship, but even as I say this, I know that would be the absolute LAST thing you would want to do. However, it’s what you need to do, because you’re still much to young to do much of anything else.
 
You’re 14. You’re experiencing new sensations all the time. It isn’t surprising if, when you encounter a girl who you click with, you really notice when you start to like her. Why wouldn’t you notice? It’s new, exciting, it’s what you’re designed to feel and completely expected behaviour. And, of course, as soon as that euphoric feeling is taken away by the simple fact that you’re apart from her, it feels pretty awful. Maybe even like you’ve been bereaved?

But don’t worry. It’s normal. You’ll survive it. New experiences will crowd in on you and as the days and weeks go by, you’ll put things in perspective. I know it doesn’t feel like that now, but trust me, you will.

Don’t obsess about this young lady. Don’t spend your days dreaming away your life or pining for her. Get on with normal things and simply give thanks to God that you spent some nice time with a nice person and pray for her wellbeing. You may meet again, you may not. It certainly won’t be good for you to forget to live in the here and now.

Remember… every day is an education. Whatever happened yesterday teaches you how to live today and whatever happens today will teach you for how to deal with tomorrow. This is just one of those events that makes you a bit more grown up. Learn from it now and, who knows… you may be just the friend that’s needed in the future for someone you know who’s in a similar position and needs advice and a shoulder to lean on.

Good luck and peace be with you.
 
Treydo1 said:
Okay, as I said, I’m a 14 year old boy who has never agreed with teenage relationships or anything of that sort because they never go anywhere and I knew God never wanted me to get involved with that yet. But just about a week ago I went to a Catholic Youth Retreat (Which I am Catholic by the way and strong in the faith) and started talking with this girl I knew a little bit from before but not much. But as the retreat went on, I started to feel this overwhelming love for her and was soo confused because it felt like God’s grace. I especially felt it during adoration. So, I assumed it was just hormones kicking in and continued. But when I got home, I almost broke down in tears over how detached I felt from her for some reason. I prayed and I prayed, but God hasn’t said much over it. I really need advice.
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God is giving you a chance to learn self control, and that is a very important virtue to have all your life. You will need it in so many ways. It’s a sign you are becoming an adult and God trusts you to be able to handle it. God Bless, Memaw
 
You don’t need to break any commandments to date. It sounds a little like infatuation to me.

You’ll live. Please enjoy this time. These are some of the best times of your life.

I know plenty of teenagers who are devote in their faith but still have fun.
 
Our Father, which art in Heaven
Hollowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven

Give us this day, our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us

Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
Amen

Oh, my Jesus
Forgive us our sins
Save us from the fires of hell
And lead all souls to Heaven
Especially those in most need of thy mercy
Amen

Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus

Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at he hour of our deaths
Amen

Glory be to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be
World without end
Amen
 
You’re 14? Ahhh…well, the first thing that comes to my mind is the word "hormones". Powerful little creatures, them are 😃

As for “advice”, well…take it easy. You can be in charge of the little beasties, or you can let them run your life. Your choice :). Stay strong in your faith, keep praying, and be vigilant.
 
Hmmm…I think you “know” some things by hearsay only, and now you’re beginning to learn by experience.

First off, it is not true that teen relationships “never go anywhere.” Some people actually do meet the person they will marry and live with for life that early. The problem with teen relationships is that they too often “go” where they ought not. This is because the forces that move romantic relationships are far stronger than people comprehend. (This is not just true of teens, by the way. Married thirty year olds with children of their own are quite capable of being swept away because they did not respect the forces of nature!)

It is also not true that the start of a relationship with a member of the opposite sex is either an infatuation or a grace-filled moment. The problem is that only time will prove what sort of foundation the relationship has when the winds start to blow. There is such a thing as an attraction that proves to be what it promised as time goes on. It is rather rare, but it does happen sometimes. (These are the people who report after 60 years of marriage that their parents were petrified about how they rushed to the altar in infatuation, and at such a young age!)

Have you seen the warnings given to drivers concerning flooded roads? That the average vehicle can be swept away by as little as a foot of water? Hormones, like hydraulics, have almost unimaginable power. Do not underestimate the forces of nature! They can work for good or for ill, but they will eventually harm those who do not give them the respect they deserve. That is the main take-home message: Realize that you have been given the grace to feel the strength that romantic feelings can have. Be taught to never underestimate them, and in so doing resolve to keep yourself out of near occasions of sin. Be compassionate to those who make foolish decisions because of the strength of such feelings. After that, though it may kill you to hear it, the rest will have to come to you on a wait and see basis.

As for God’s answer, it will probably wait until you have calmed down considerably. Be patient!
 
One of the things that irritates me about these forums, is that when a young person posts about relationship problems, his/her feelings are frequently downplayed because of age. “It’s hormones,” or it’s “infatuation” is often the response given by older posters, and having been that age not too long ago myself (I’m 20 now), I can attest to the fact that such an answer is not always very helpful. Just because the OP is young does not mean that he is not feeling something very real.

My grandpa was nine years old when he first saw my grandma. He always used to say, “I saw her blond curls bouncing up and down as she played, and I said to myself that that was the girl I was going to marry.” Well, they were married for 60 years before she passed away in 2005.

Treydo1, what you need to do at this point is continue to pray about it; also, I do not see anything wrong with going out with a girl and getting to know her at your age. If you feel so strongly about someone, I do not see any harm in asking her out, or asking if you could call her sometime. I think it is absolutely wonderful that you are so strong in your faith at your age, but at the same time, there is nothing wrong with pursuing a girl who you really like. Some lasting relationships begin this early, while others do not. But I wouldn’t just pass these feelings off as infatuation.

Stay strong, continue to pray, and in the meantime, if there is anyway you can contact this girl, maybe you can do that. You’re in my prayers.

God bless,

Christa
 
First off, I commend you for ASKING for advice, it
is a sign of humility! Today’s secular society is sex-
saturated, so BE AWARE that that is the way the
WORLD wants you to stress, “What you see” is more
important! But God does not view people that way!
God looks at the HEART, the character of the person!
So try to look at HER as God would, a person created
in God’s IMAGE.
 
lovedance4ever said:
One of the things that irritates me about these forums, is that when a young person posts about relationship problems, his/her feelings are frequently downplayed because of age. “It’s hormones,” or it’s “infatuation” is often the response given by older posters, and having been that age not too long ago myself (I’m 20 now), I can attest to the fact that such an answer is not always very helpful. Just because the OP is young does not mean that he is not feeling something very real.

My grandpa was nine years old when he first saw my grandma. He always used to say, “I saw her blond curls bouncing up and down as she played, and I said to myself that that was the girl I was going to marry.” Well, they were married for 60 years before she passed away in 2005.

Treydo1, what you need to do at this point is continue to pray about it; also, I do not see anything wrong with going out with a girl and getting to know her at your age. If you feel so strongly about someone, I do not see any harm in asking her out, or asking if you could call her sometime. I think it is absolutely wonderful that you are so strong in your faith at your age, but at the same time, there is nothing wrong with pursuing a girl who you really like. Some lasting relationships begin this early, while others do not. But I wouldn’t just pass these feelings off as infatuation.

Stay strong, continue to pray, and in the meantime, if there is anyway you can contact this girl, maybe you can do that. You’re in my prayers.

God bless,

Christa
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Absolutely, for several reasons. First of all, the affections of teens are just as real as those anyone older might feel, for better and for worse. Secondly, while experience definitely helps when it comes to sorting out infatuation from lasting attraction, it is not true that the strongest romantic wave to ever go over a person will happen in adolescence. It is not unusual for an older person to fall head over heels for a new romance and say something like, “I’ve feel like I’ve never been in love before this!” (And may I point out that older people who think they are “past” the tug of hormones with regards to avoiding near occasions of sin can find themselves very much regretful about falling into such arrogance?) Finally, being reassured that what you are going through is totally normal does not necessarily help that much. What woman wants to hear that when her labor pains hit–“don’t worry, it is totally normal!”–without any advice about how to navigate the moment?

OP, in addition to continuing your excellent habit of taking all important things to God in prayer and allowing yourself the realization that you will have to wait and see whether this relationship will be good for you both or not, I would suggest that you do what you can to stick to your normal routine. Make yourself hang out with your friends, do your homework just as diligently as always, all of that. The initial rush may make you want to drop everything and obsess on what you’re going through, but you will probably exhaust yourself less if you pry yourself away from it when you can. Again: this is not age-related, but related to the early stages of a very strong romantic attraction. If you just go with it, it will take you on a faster run than you can keep up, and in directions you know not. You don’t need to think it some awful thing in order to give yourself non-violent ways to calm down about it, to let it sink in. Go ahead and feel joyful and giddy about it–this may be the grandmother of your grandchildren, after all!–but also remember to breathe and keep yourself within something like sober boundaries. If you’re going to have 60 years with her, you’d better pace yourself a bit! 😉 😃
 
Treydo1 said:
Okay, as I said, I’m a 14 year old boy who has never agreed with teenage relationships or anything of that sort because they never go anywhere and I knew God never wanted me to get involved with that yet. But just about a week ago I went to a Catholic Youth Retreat (Which I am Catholic by the way and strong in the faith) and started talking with this girl I knew a little bit from before but not much. But as the retreat went on, I started to feel this overwhelming love for her and was soo confused because it felt like God’s grace. I especially felt it during adoration. So, I assumed it was just hormones kicking in and continued. But when I got home, I almost broke down in tears over how detached I felt from her for some reason. I prayed and I prayed, but God hasn’t said much over it. I really need advice.
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“teenage relationships or anything of that sort” do lead somewhere. They are extremely useful for learning how to communicate with the opposite sex and how to hand oneself in a social setting. Dating when you are young also helps you figure out what you want and do not want in a mate. Dating also helps you to build up a real life social network. Maybe it didn’t work out with that girl you took to movies, but she might have a friend or cousin that you do hit it off with.

That said, you’re 14 and you’ll probably fall in love with any girl that smiles at you. 🙂 Don’t worry, it’s natural and it’s good for you. Communicate with this girl, spend time with her. Who knows what it could blossom into?
 
Our Father, which art in Heaven
Hollowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven

Give us this day, our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us

Lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
Amen

Oh, my Jesus
Forgive us our sins
Save us from the fires of hell
And lead all souls to Heaven
Especially those in most need of thy mercy
Amen

Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus

Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at he hour of our deaths
Amen

Glory be to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be
World without end
Amen
 
It sounds like you just had a crush on the girl. That’s completely normal. It’s part of being 14.

As far as dating, don’t assume all teenage relationships are doomed. My grandparents started dating very young. A lot of people meet a spouse in high school. My high school religion teacher told us we should behave in class because we might be in the room with our future spouse and you don’t want to blow it. (This could conveniently double as a way of keeping unruly teenagers somewhat calm during class, too.)

If God brings your spouse into your life early and you fall in love at a young age there’s nothing wrong with that.
 
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