I'm about to panic

[Madaglan]

I’m having a real difficult situation right now, and I need some advice, especially from those older and wiser than me. I’m presently a 21-year-old male college student. I am majoring in English and plan on finishing my undergraduate work within two months.

Originally I began college as a Political Science major. I originally wanted to go into History (which I loved and still love), but my parents (who were paying for much of my college), told me that if I went into History they would not pay for my college education. Eventually I persuaded them to allow me to change my major to English Literature. I have completed courses in English Literature the past few years, but I don’t feel right about it. English Literature and the interpretations of it is very frustrating to me. Nontheless, I have decided to continue with this major in order to get a degree within four years.

My largest problem right now is in deciding what to do next. With just a degree in English Literature I can’t do a whole lot; I would need to go to graduate school to get an MA in English to be eligible for any life-sustaining job. However, I would go crazy if I were to study any more English Literature. I don’t really like English Literature one bit–except for some of the really old works. What I really want to do is study Religion (specifically Christian, Jewish and Muslim), Philosophy, Theology, Ancient History and Ancient Languages. The problem is, I’ll need to take out loans for this; and I’m not sure if I could find a job in a field such as these.

Another problem: I would very much enjoy entering the priesthood, if it weren’t for the celibacy issue. I would love to be of a priestly order that does missionary work and studies a lot (although I would hate to be a diocesan priest). I have considered joining an academic order like the Jesuits or the Dominicans. If I went to graduate school and during graduate school or shortly afterwards decided to enter the priesthood, then I’d have a huge loan to pay off from graduate school. If I were to become a priest, I would not be able to pay off that debt with the pittance I would receive.

A final problem I’m having is that I have had for the past three years significant depression problems which is not reacting well to treatment. As described in a previous post, I’ve tried just about every Catholic prayer and relic to cure my problem. Nevertheless, I feel very much on edge and extremely fearful of the future. I know that I have a moderate to severe depression.

My mother just called and told me that I had to decide now what to do. If I decide to go to graduate school next year, I will need to submit my applications by December. By the way, I’m not dominated by my parents, but they do add pressure. And my mom isn’t very fond of the Catholic Church; so I have trouble talking with her about why I feel the way I do. If I decide to work instead, then I’ll need to start looking for a job now. But what kind of job? What should I do?! It would be a lot easier if I didn’t feel so physically depressed and energyless. I also have never had a girlfriend, and would like to hold out for that to see if marriage is for me rather than a celibate life; but at the same time, I can’t wait forever for a girlfriend. Please give me some advice! I feel like I’m drowning.

 

[tkdnick]

Not sure I can be of much help, other than to say my situation was similar. I went to college having NO IDEA what to do. My major changed 6 times in the first 2 years of college! I finally settled on Communication Studies for no other reason than I was good at talking. I currently have a desire to obtain a master’s degree in Theology as well, but am struggling not with my parents, but with the director of religious education at our parish who STRONGLY dislikes the school I am looking at getting my master’s from (Franciscan Univ Steubenville). Being forced into a major you dislike is probably very frustrating, however, your major DOES NOT decide your career! Most companies will simply look at the fact that you have a degree. There are SEVERAl jobs out there that do not require a specific major. I would suggest going to your college’s career center as a starter on that front. As far as the priesthood, that will require some serious prayer and some guidance from a priest. As for your advanced degree…again, talk to your college. There are several ways to obtain money to help pay for advanced degree without having to pay the money back (scholarships, grants, etc.). Your school’s financial aide dept should be able to point you in the right direction with this. The depression part…seems like you’ve got the spiritual side going. What about the medicinal side? Have you seen a dr. for this? How about a psychiatrist? These people can significantly help with something like that.

Good luck! I’ll keep you in my prayers!

 

[wabrams]

Well, with regards to school, follow your heart. I’m still kicking myself in the butt for not getting my BA and MA in History. My father is still kicking himself in the butt for letting my granddad hold the purse strings over him. My old man wanted to go to college and major in history. My advice would be to apply for grad school and as many grants and scholarships you can look up. Worst comes to worst, take out the loans for a year until you can get a scholarship.

I dealt with depression for a while in college, so to a certain degree I understand. But I really can’t offer you to much advice on that. I’m sorry. But I did just say a quick prayer for you.

 

[Madaglan]

but with the director of religious education at our parish who STRONGLY dislikes the school I am looking at getting my master’s from (Franciscan Univ Steubenville).

Why does your director strongly dislike that school? I actually considered going there, but don’t know a whole lot about it, except that it is strongly Catholic.

 

[rayne89]

rc.net/arlington/stelizabeth/event.html

I believe I found thier website on the internet (above link). I just did a quick look over, seems like a pretty good parish. I would definately bring my concerns to the pastor.

 

[Shiann]

Madaglan:

I’m having a real difficult situation right now, and I need some advice, especially from those older and wiser than me. I’m presently a 21-year-old male college student. I am majoring in English and plan on finishing my undergraduate work within two months.

Congratulations. Getting your degree is quite an accomplishment.

Originally I began college as a Political Science major. I originally wanted to go into History (which I loved and still love), but my parents (who were paying for much of my college), told me that if I went into History they would not pay for my college education. Eventually I persuaded them to allow me to change my major to English Literature. I have completed courses in English Literature the past few years, but I don’t feel right about it. English Literature and the interpretations of it is very frustrating to me. Nontheless, I have decided to continue with this major in order to get a degree within four years.

My largest problem right now is in deciding what to do next. With just a degree in English Literature I can’t do a whole lot; I would need to go to graduate school to get an MA in English to be eligible for any life-sustaining job. However, I would go crazy if I were to study any more English Literature. I don’t really like English Literature one bit–except for some of the really old works. What I really want to do is study Religion (specifically Christian, Jewish and Muslim), Philosophy, Theology, Ancient History and Ancient Languages. The problem is, I’ll need to take out loans for this; and I’m not sure if I could find a job in a field such as these.

I am in a similar boat with my BS in Economics. Most places out there with the money to hire such a unique degree want someone with at least a masters- preferrably a PhD. I worked on the BS for almost 10 years going to school part time, taking 6-9 credits a semester.

Another problem: I would very much enjoy entering the priesthood, if it weren’t for the celibacy issue. I would love to be of a priestly order that does missionary work and studies a lot (although I would hate to be a diocesan priest). I have considered joining an academic order like the Jesuits or the Dominicans. If I went to graduate school and during graduate school or shortly afterwards decided to enter the priesthood, then I’d have a huge loan to pay off from graduate school. If I were to become a priest, I would not be able to pay off that debt with the pittance I would receive.

If God is calling you to this vocation- do you not trust that he will take care of you?

Continued

 

[Shiann]

Madaglan:

A final problem I’m having is that I have had for the past three years significant depression problems which is not reacting well to treatment. As described in a previous post, I’ve tried just about every Catholic prayer and relic to cure my problem.

Have you tried just letting go and giving your life over to God? Pardon my frankness, but it sounds like though your heart is generally in the right place, you are hesitating in giving yourself over to God. It has been my experience, that relics and prayers (though not without miraculous properties) are helpfull to elleviate the dispair one feels when we are in trouble. They are not cures for our problems.

Nevertheless, I feel very much on edge and extremely fearful of the future. I know that I have a moderate to severe depression.

I am not trying to minimize the health aspects you’re facing with your depression, but wish to offer you another perspective by which to view your problems.

Maybe that is God’s gentle nudging for you to follow the direction he and the Holy Spirit are guiding you. Again, pardon my frankness, but I get a feeling in my gut that just leaves me on edge until I can find, and fix the problem. This might be a feeling of unease that I carry with me a few days, driving me nuts, until I realize that I had not spoken recently with a family member or friend that I had a quarrel with.

It has taken me a long time to learn to listen for that gentle prodding before it can sneak up, and consume me. Embrace your relics, and say your prayers for their connection with God, but don’t forget that He speaks to you too. He won’t change your life for you… he only offers you gentle reminders and sometimes not-so-subtle gut feelings.

Mine told me to put away my degree for now- and concentrate on raising my daughter.

My mother just called and told me that I had to decide now what to do. If I decide to go to graduate school next year, I will need to submit my applications by December. By the way, I’m not dominated by my parents, but they do add pressure. And my mom isn’t very fond of the Catholic Church; so I have trouble talking with her about why I feel the way I do.

As a mother myself, I often let the love I feel for my daughter overshadow my good sense, and the knowledge that after everything is said and done, it IS MY DAUGHTERS LIFE. But this doesn’t remove the maternal instincts to protect, and want the best for her. It sounds like you realize this in your mother and are trying to be patient with her. That is a caring and loving thing for you to do. But don’t forget that you may have a higher calling than just being her son. This may be in an occupation that she and your father agree with, it may not. Ultimately you have to be right with God, while trying to remain connected and respectfull to your parents.

If I decide to work instead, then I’ll need to start looking for a job now. But what kind of job? What should I do?! It would be a lot easier if I didn’t feel so physically depressed and energyless. I also have never had a girlfriend, and would like to hold out for that to see if marriage is for me rather than a celibate life; but at the same time, I can’t wait forever for a girlfriend. Please give me some advice! I feel like I’m drowning.

Continued

 

[Shiann]

First take a breath. Slow down, and take a moment and put this all into perspective. I’m guessing your only in your early to mid twenties and you are only through a quarter of your statistical life expectancy. People change jobs several times in their lifetime, and often they are not working in the field they trained for.

Finish school- get what job you can to finish paying off what money you owe.

You have tons of options at this point.

If you aren’t already independent from your parents (meaning in your own place and taking care of yourself) get that way.

Save the money you would need to further your education.

Save the money and travel to Rome or another crossroads of Faith, and study by example.

God will provide for you.

As far as girlfriends… God has your match, whether it is the Church or a young woman. But until you get control of your life and feelings, you have too much baggage for a healthy relationship anyway.

First things first… My prayers and thoughts are with you, may God go with you.

 

[Almeria]

I’ve got my undergrad in Theology from Steubenville–if your DRE is a faithful-to-the-Magisterium Catholic, what can he possibly have against Franciscan? If he’s not, well, that probably answers that.

Madaglan, congratulations on finishing your undergrad! Especially in a field you’ve grown not to like. I have heard that some orders will pay off pre-existing student loans. Those are usually the same orders that offer graduate degrees for their seminarians and ordained. that might be something to keep in mind.

I hear a lot of my husband in your post. He studied another field for years before switching over to his love, history. While his parents were not as controlling as yours, it was in trying to please them that he was studying something he didn’t like in the first place. Dh is finishing his degree this december as well, and we’re waiting right now to hear about getting into grad school this spring.

Now, we know what he wants to do–be a history professor at a truly Catholic university. Our problem is that there is very few orthodox Catholic institutions that offer any graduate work in history. The school that my husband is finishing his degree at is a public school serving a depressed area, and the caliber of students here is very poor. He has no true peers here, and the area is decidedly anti-Catholic. He’s dealt with depression himself trying to deal with all of this. From my experience with him, I can suggest that some of your depression might go away once you are free to study what you want and live your life on your terms, not your parents’ terms.

If you are fortunate enough to be at a Catholic school (although if your mom doesn’t care for Catholicism, it doesn’t sound like you are), see if you can join in on the History Clubs meetings until the end of the semester. Find a history professor that you like, and see if he will take some time to discuss life in history (you said you were 21–see if he’d go get a beer with you and relax as you’re talking).

As for finding a job, or choosing a career–one of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was to ask yourself what you love to do, and then find a way to make money at it. I’ve worked jobs I’ve enjoyed for very little pay, and jobs I’ve disliked for high pay. I’d choose doing what I like for little pay anyday. If you don’t like what you’re doing, it will only add to your depression–been there, done that. Figure out what you enjoy doing–what truly makes you happy, what puts a smile on your face. And then find a way to make it work.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about anything. I’ll be praying for you!

 

[faithbygrace3]

This always brings me comfort. No matter is going on…

**Jeremiah 29
**11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD , “and will bring you back from captivity. 1] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD , “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

 

[puzzleannie]

I also took my first major to “get a good job” instead of my first love history, finally got my MA in history 15 years later and got the dream job in my field. Then my life did a 180 about 5 yrs ago, we moved 1700 miles away, semi-retired, and now I am a DRE. Got my training in Steubie summer conferences. Absolutely top notch place to study. But enough about me, what about you, Magdalen. It is an axiom of spiritual direction that one should never make a dramatic change, vow, or other commitment while in a state of depression, or because of lack of any more attractive alternative.
Job 1- take care of the depression and any underlying physical or spiritual illness behind it. Efforts in any other direction will be fruitless unless you take care of business first.
Job 2 - finish, get your degree in your current major so you don’t waste any more time and money, get a job, pay off your loans, learn to live independently of parents, manage money, get along with all kinds of people, make real life decisions. You won’t be much good to a religious order, or an employer, or fit for a graduate program until you can do that. This is not the time to change your field. Save it for grad school.
Job 3 - get a spiritual director, you already perceive you are not doing so hot at making decisions on your own. Learn about discernment, learn to take direction, learn humility.
Job 4 - take a good look at yourself and appreciate the great material and potential lurking inside, and say, “Hey, thanks God.”

before you do anything else, though, get a life–a prayer life. morning and evening prayer, daily examination of conscience, Mass every Sunday, confession now, and then when you need it, but at least 4-6 times a year, LOTH if it appeals to you, but at least a daily rosary. Read scripture every day with some kind of guide, Ignatius bible studies, daily lectionary or whatever works for you. Holy hour once a week in front of the Eucharist. Why should you do the work imperfectly that the Holy Spirit can accomplish to perfection?

 

[BLB_Oregon]

wabrams:

Well, with regards to school, follow your heart. I’m still kicking myself in the butt for not getting my BA and MA in History. My father is still kicking himself in the butt for letting my granddad hold the purse strings over him. My old man wanted to go to college and major in history. My advice would be to apply for grad school and as many grants and scholarships you can look up. Worst comes to worst, take out the loans for a year until you can get a scholarship.

I dealt with depression for a while in college, so to a certain degree I understand. But I really can’t offer you to much advice on that. I’m sorry. But I did just say a quick prayer for you.

I agree with this post. Keep in touch with a professional about the depression, and do what they tell you, including the good nutrition and exercise. You’re not going to be much as a temple of the Holy Spirit if you won’t do the building maintenance. You need somebody to hold your feet to the fire on this, because as you know, “lack of energy” is a downward spiral that will take you nowhere. Find a friend or mentor who will do that.

As far as the graduate school and your studies go, talk to a guidance counselor and your favorite faculty member in the history department. As far as the Jesuits and Dominicans go, they’ll be welcoming you if they are your choice, not your refuge. After all, you don’t go into the priesthood to hide from having to take out a student loan (some vow of poverty, that!) Likewise, they don’t sell you to a diocesan bishop as a parish priest in order to pay off your old debts. You go into the priesthood because you are called, and the order doesn’t make a slave out of you.

Do not panic. What does God always say? Fear not. Be not afraid. You aren’t making any irreversible decisions right now. You will do okay. Don’t let the depression talking tell you differently. Remember what Jesus said about the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. That’s the red letters talking, not fairy tales.

 

[Mamamull]

Madaglan:

Why does your director strongly dislike that school? I actually considered going there, but don’t know a whole lot about it, except that it is strongly Catholic.

Is your DRE, not exactly Catholic? Gosh only the Jeusits around here are lax – Lord have Mercy – one actually has a column in our Archdiocese newspaper and then writes a letter to the editor about us mis-guided “one issue” voters! Argh!

Stuebenville is not bad, please avoid Xavier University – they actually brought “Fr.” Richard Mc Brien to town! I couldn’t go, my immortal soul would have been in jeopardy.

I know this isn’t charitable, but I wonder about DRE’s that can’t get behind something that is faithful. Maybe Ave Maria would be better?

Also depression is nothing to ignore. Treat it to help yourself. It is my best decision in awhile.

 

[Greg_McPherran]

Madaglan:

Nevertheless, I feel very much on edge and extremely fearful of the future. I know that I have a moderate to severe depression.

Find strength in Jesus. Your depression may be fairly normal since you have stress and are undecided about your vocation/career direction. Have a lighter heart if you can. Do you exercise almost daily? This can help.

Does being a writer interest you? Consider what interests you that you would enjoy and perhaps pursue that.

Greg