Hi David,
For example, I used to get extremely worked up when I sinned. I would get terrible anxiety. But now it seems like it doesn’t phase me, however I still record them down so I confess them in confession. And a seared conscience meaning I feel like I lost my filter and I just do what I want and say what I want even when I know its wrong. It is when I’m on the medication (maybe because it helps with anxiety?) and when I’m off the medication, I’m off the walls hyper so I still have the same effect. I’m afraid for my soul and relationship with God…
A lot going on there. it sounds like the medication is putting you more at ease, but you are still sinning. Off the medication, you are hyper and do the same sins as if you were on the meds, but in addition, you feel more anxiety about them?
Correct. But either way I take down the sins so I know what to confess.
I don’t pray to saints or the rosary because of the scruples! I used to but now I just pray directly to the Trinity.
Ok, I am not a doctor or a priest, but the medicine seems to help you deal with unhealthy symptoms of ADHD. Sounds like a win on the health side and that you are actually getting some relief and you took a step forward. Now you are just worried because you still have sin to deal with, if the sin is real, as you say you have scruples sometimes. You are also taking your “sins” to confession which is good too. You are just minus lots of unhealthy, anxiety which sounds good too! right? no?
Eghhh… You know what the problem is? I read on this forum a lot never to do this, but I do. I rely too much on emotions. If I sin, I’m waiting to feel extreme guilt. And when I don’t, I assume the worst. So now that the anxiety is gone, I panic that I lost my sensitivity to sin.
Oh. So because your emotions and anxiety were not so “wild”, you thought you did not care anymore whether you offended God, but you do care even though you feel a more “normal” sense of guilt in that you still wrote down your sins to bring to the confessional?
You understand everything. I suppose so. But I still feel as though I should be feeling guiltier…Do not feel more guilty. Forget about that. Where do you see the church teaching you to torment yourself?
You talk to your doctor, your mental health care provider, and your pastor.