Respect means that you accept her for what she is, even if it is toxic. You don’t try to change her, but you don’t have to keep exposing yourself to the toxicity either.
I’m thinking about joining the military
Do you have other reasons to do this besides escaping home? Most recruiters want applicants to complete at least one semester of college. Have you spoken to a recruiter?
right now she’s trying to call the cops for no reason?
I am sure she thinks she has a reason, but I am not sure how this pertains to you. Is she calling the law because you got into an argument with her?
I wanted to follow my dreams and do nursing but she is too toxic that I have to get out of here
These are not mutually exclusive. You can follow your dreams and do nursing, and still get out of the house. It will be more of a challenge to do college without her support but it is your responsibility to protect your own soul. God has a calling for your life, and you must follow it.
is it a sin that I talk back I cant handle it anymore
At the very least, it is not conducive to your survival and peace of mind. It takes two people to argue, so that means you are contributing to the problem. Your job is not to change your mother, but yourself. You need to figure out how to cope with having a toxic mother.
she just caused an argument in the car because I wanted to give a homeless man money
One way you can help yourself is to avoid doing things that trigger arguments. If you want to give money to a homeless persons (which is generally a bad idea) don’t do it while she is there.
she just isn’t what a mother should act like
Our expectations of others, and their inability or unwillingness to meet them, is the main source of disappointment and frustration in our lives. You can help yourself by giving up your expectations of how she ought to be. You are not going to change her, and it is unlikely she will suddenly become the mother you think she “should” be.
I wrong cause I’ve been beating myself up over this for so long and I don’t know what to do.
None of us can really determine this for you, but clearly there are some things you can do that will make your life go better, starting with focusing on changing yourself.
If I leave and try not to talk to her in the future would it still be a sin
No, sometimes the best way to honor one’s parents is to let them go their way and you go yours. You don’t know what the future holds, but for now, you need to move on with your life and stop making yourself sick over how she behaves.
