I'm getting a mixed message

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Nick003

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I’d been seeing a woman who went through a divorce and she wasn’t overly receptive to the idea of an annulment. Ultimately, the relationship ended because of the conflict between my head and heart over the circumstances.
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During the next few months, I began to reflect on my decision to end things. I began to doubt my decision and actually wept during confession. I couldn't understand why I had to choose between God and this woman with whom I'd fallen in love. Why couldn't I be devoted to God and have this woman in my life?  I couldn't understand why God would condemn me for entering into a relationship, which is based on love with this woman. Right or wrong, I'd decided that he wouldn't condemn me for it and prayed that we would make amends.
I know the Lord listens when I pray; he's answered my prayers more often than I can remember.  So I began to pray: " Lord, please give her the courage to open her heart to me again and I give you my word that I will make it a relationship based on love; I will devote myself to her and commit myself to a relationship with her".  

This went on for a few months until one day she contacted me out of nowhere. We talked; and ultimately I convinced her that I'd resolved the conflict saying that while an annulment was important to me, it wasn't a deal-breaker.

I find myself at a crossroad in my life. As I said, I can't believe that God would condemn me for this. Then one day while walking and talking with God, I said: "Lord, please don't allow anything to go on in my life that will jeopardize my salvation".  A few hours later, my never-married, Catholic ex-girlfriend contacted me to let me know that she misses me.

I feel like I'm getting mixed messages. What is God saying to me? Is he testing me and my word that I would devote myself to the divorced woman? Or, is he answering my prayer and protecting my salvation by having my eligible ex contact me?

I realize that no one can speak for God. Any direction I can get on this subject will be based on the interpretation of the individual providing the guidance. I guess that ultimately, it will be my decision based on my own interpretation. 

I just don' know what God wants me to do. I'm worried that I'd be breaking my promise to him; after he answered my prayers to bring the divorced woman back into my life.
Thank you
 
Bargaining with God – “do this for me and I promise you X” – is never a good idea. Why even put yourself in the position of dating a married woman? It’s not about “signs,” it’s about doing what is right.
 
I understand how the pains of the human heart can feel enormous at times. What I don’t understand is her lack of respect for God, your feeling and beliefs, and the Church in not wanting to proceed in getting her previous marriage annulled. In the eyes of God and the Church she is still married and therefore you are both committing adultery. This is a very serious matter if you are receiving the Eucharist at Mass without constantly confessing the adulterous relationship. She should proceed with the annulment. Otherwise keep the relationship on a friends without benefits level and you are safe. If the relationship is meant to work, above all, it should be on the level to be recognized by God. I’ll be praying for you, as I have a friend who is in the identical situation. I recommend you both go together and talk with your priest for his advice and council.
 
I agree that speaking with your Priest is going to be the best thing you can do now. He will give you guidence and direction that is God focused and not clouded with emotional involvement.

God Bless you
 
My son sings this song which seems appropriate here: “God before me, the world behind me.” Put God first before your own desires. Easier said then done, I know.

God bless,
Bryan
 
You don’t say it in your OP but I am assuming the divorced woman is Catholic??

Let’s see…You are willing to jump off a cliff with this woman but she is unwilling to help you to walk away from the cliff?? What does this say about the Love that is involved here.

You are willing to risk your salvation for her…She is willing to let you…

Sorry - that does not sound like love to me. If she truly loves you then her ultimate desire for you is that you reach heaven. Likewise, if she loves herself, she would be willing to seek an annulment so that SHE could have peace and remove this impediment.

As to the mixed signals…All I can say is that the signals may not ALL be from God…

Peace
James
 
JRKH said:
As to the mixed signals…All I can say is that the signals may not ALL be from God…
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I was thinking this as well. In any case, I will be praying for you, Nick.

God bless,
Bryan
 
JRKH said:
You don’t say it in your OP but I am assuming the divorced woman is Catholic??

Let’s see…You are willing to jump off a cliff with this woman but she is unwilling to help you to walk away from the cliff?? What does this say about the Love that is involved here.

You are willing to risk your salvation for her…She is willing to let you…

Sorry - that does not sound like love to me. If she truly loves you then her ultimate desire for you is that you reach heaven. Likewise, if she loves herself, she would be willing to seek an annulment so that SHE could have peace and remove this impediment.

As to the mixed signals…All I can say is that the signals may not ALL be from God…

Peace
James
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:sad_yes: I had a very simular conversation with myself when I read the OP! Excellent points that should be carefully considered!
 
God is not the author of confusion. It is not God giving you any sort of signal to commit adultery.

That is all you, buddy.

Get your head on straight and stop fooling around with serious sin.
 
The first woman in question cares for you so much that she’ll do anything for you.

Well, except fill out some paperwork and submit to an uncomfortable post-mortem of her previous relationship to see if it really was a marriage or not. Frankly, that’s not all THAT heavy a burden. If she’s unwilling to inconvenience herself for your benefit in such a thing, perhaps you should take that as an indicator of how much of herself she is willing to invest in you. Marriage is about a heck of a lot more than how you feel about someone. Success is based on how much of yourself you are willing to give for the sake of the spouse. In her case, it sounds like … not much.
 
You are not getting mixed messages. You know that dating the divorced woman is wrong; you should be rejoicing that God has protected you from making a HUGE mistake and brought the other woman back into your life.
 
There is also the problem that if your emotional bond/attachment to that woman grows deeper as (hypothetically) she pursues an annulment, what if after 2 years, the Tribunal makes a negative ruling, i.e. her marriage is valid? You’d end up in love with a divorced woman, who is validly married in the eyes of the Church/God, who has no intention of going back to her legitimate spouse etc. I see potential trouble looming ahead…

Why does it have to be you yielding to her decision not to seek an annulment, and not her yielding to your principle to not get romantically involved with a woman who still has, for all intents and purposes, a valid marriage?
 
Catholic1954 said:
You are not getting mixed messages. You know that dating the divorced woman is wrong; you should be rejoicing that God has protected you from making a HUGE mistake and brought the other woman back into your life.
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Yes indeed - no mixed message there!

Alex
 
JRKH said:
You don’t say it in your OP but I am assuming the divorced woman is Catholic??

Let’s see…You are willing to jump off a cliff with this woman but she is unwilling to help you to walk away from the cliff?? What does this say about the Love that is involved here.

You are willing to risk your salvation for her…She is willing to let you…

Sorry - that does not sound like love to me. If she truly loves you then her ultimate desire for you is that you reach heaven. Likewise, if she loves herself, she would be willing to seek an annulment so that SHE could have peace and remove this impediment.

As to the mixed signals…All I can say is that the signals may not ALL be from God…

Peace
James
Click to expand...
I support all of the quoted above. Also, you said that you thought it was God testing your devotion to this married woman, have you wondered that maybe it wasn’t God that brought her back into your life? It may very well have been satan who prompted her to contact you again. This unmarried ex-girlfriend is your answer from God. I would sever the relationship with the married woman until an annullment is granted. If you stay with her until that time, your feelings will only grow stronger. Good luck in your choices.
 
GRATEFULONEjim said:
I understand how the pains of the human heart can feel enormous at times. What I don’t understand is her lack of respect for God, your feeling and beliefs, and the Church in not wanting to proceed in getting her previous marriage annulled. In the eyes of God and the Church she is still married and therefore you are both committing adultery. This is a very serious matter if you are receiving the Eucharist at Mass without constantly confessing the adulterous relationship. She should proceed with the annulment. Otherwise keep the relationship on a friends without benefits level and you are safe. If the relationship is meant to work, above all, it should be on the level to be recognized by God. I’ll be praying for you, as I have a friend who is in the identical situation. I recommend you both go together and talk with your priest for his advice and council.
Click to expand...
Even if an anullment is granted the relationship should stay “friends without benefits level”. No Catholic should be engaging in sex outside of marriage.
 
ByzCath said:
Even if an anullment is granted the relationship should stay “friends without benefits level”. No Catholic should be engaging in sex outside of marriage.
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Absolutely:thumbsup:
 
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