I'm giving up..right or wrong

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Mike1w

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Long story short,
My son’s choices have led to his now being under order by a judge to do certain things. He has two weeks from Friday to show progress. Thus far he has taken very little action with regards to the judge’s orders. It’s very likely he will end up noncompliant and thus in contempt. He is 17, but because he is a father to a newborn boy, he is expected to act responsibly. I can’t save him from being in contempt, so I will no longer help him any more than the law requires me to as a parent to a minor. Nor will I do anything else besides praying for him. In effect, I’ve pretty much given up. Is this right or wrong in your opinion?
 
Are you really doing this because you are giving up or are you doing this because you think that withdrawing support is what he needs in order to grow up and take responsibility? Just because it looks like giving up doesn’t mean it is.
 
I am unclear what you mean by giving up on him. I do not think you need to take on the burdens your son creates fully by enabling bad behavior, but neither can you ever just give up on one of your children completely. Set boundaries for yourself. Decide what things you are or aren’t willing to do for him. Tell him clearly what you will and will not do, and then proceed. Make it clear you will support his positive steps but not enable his negative behavior. And yes, keep praying. You may want to start a prayer thread for him.
 
respectfully, don’t even get me started on my wife, or my job. LOl, but not really. The best song that describes my life is the superman theme from smallville, by five for fighting. I don’t wear an actual cape, or have any comic book superpowers, but I feel like that song…
 
You’ve spent years protecting and enabling him as a child to grow into the best person he can be. But now it’s time for your relationship to shift, as he takes on adult responsibilities in an adult world. So it’s probably very healthy that you’re stepping back, and allowing him to deal with the consequences of his own actions. You can’t live his life for him, or force him to make healthy decisions… but you can always pray for him, and be there for when he’s ready to have a healthy adult : adult relationship with you.

But it’s never easy. Hugs.
 
There’s nothing you can do except…

Nagging…which is almost never helpful.

Trying to force him to do something…which, it seems, you have already tried

Or lying for hm, which is a sin.

From where I stand, all you can do is give up on him. God Bless! Both of you!
 
I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. Sending hugs your way!

If you’ve done all that you could and you’ve tried your best, then it’s alright, you’ve fought hard and it’s time for you to rest. Surrender your son and this situation to God, let him fight for you. It’s all in His hands now.

This situaion is very tough and heartbeaking for any parent and I can see why you’re asking if this is right or wrong. Please don’t think of it as giving up, you’ve done your part. Think of it as taking a step back. This distance might just be what your son needs in order to grow and realize his mistakes. When you’re thrown into the real world without your parents to protect you, that’s when you realize all the things you had taken for granted. Just surrender it to God and let him work in your son’s heart. It might take months or even years but don’t lose hope. It’s not like you’re abandoning your son, you’re just waiting for him to turn away from his wrong and come back to you, and when he does I’m sure you’ll be ready with a wide embrace.

Again, please do not blame yourself or think of yourself as a bad parent, do not lose hope and pray continously. (I am a strong advocate of the Rosary and the Divine Mercy prayer)
 
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